My story of abuse and disappointment.

by ackack 38 Replies latest jw experiences

  • ackack

    I was raised in as a JW, and got batpz at 16. I started pioneer at 18 and got married when i was 21. I was made an MS at 22, and was soon giving many parts.

    My brother who was also a pioneer, eventually stopped, even stopped going to meetings. He placed a doubt in my mind about 607. He simply told me to look at the Kingdom Come book appendix.

    I looked at the material and was ablt to rationalize it in my mind as secular vs. biblical chronology (which is a gross oversimplification)

    As well, I knew some things being done within the orginization didn't sit very well with me. I recall having a talk with the PO, saying, "We're losing as many as we're gaining, we need to focus on an internal ministry." I think there were some efforts made, but they eventually fizzled out. Interesting, because, I suspect if time could have been counted for this, it would have done quite well.

    In the background of all this, I had a terrible secret. My wife was abusive to me behind closed doors. She would hit me, she would bite me, she would draw blood. Additionally, she was quite the hypocrite. Though she would lecture me about watching films such as Shanghi Noon, because "jehovah hates violence" she would regularly abuse me emotionally and physically.

    It came to a point where i could no longer function. I was barely sleeping. I needed to leave this marriage desperately. I thought about killing myself, killing her, simply packing up and going somewhere else and forgetting everything behind me.

    I talked to my father, who is an elder, about 2 years ago. About the abuse i was suffering. He basically brushed it aside and told me to work harder on my marriage. That i couldn't do anything about her, but I needed to focus on myself.

    So I did re-double my efforts. I did leave though (in jan) and I never went back. Her abuse, her lies, her hypocricy left me simply not loving her anymore.

    I found out about borderline personality disorder later, and I went in therapy. I could see now this fundamental personality disorder that had left my wife the abusive hateful person she was. The organization simply does not help these people. There are no Awake articles (and is therefore, incomprehensible by the elders) about this problem.

    She was publicly reproved (after I refused to come back) but after I left her, it gave me the space and time to analyze my relationship to the organization as well. I could see the lies now, that falsehoods, and I didn't feel compelled to cover them over in my mind anymore.

    This is a problem we don't talk about in the organization, that is of spousal abuse. Sure, we occasionally talk about husbands getting drunk and beating wives, but within the organization itself, rarely talked about. And basically never talked about when its a wife beating a husband.

    The last time she attacked me, I had been working all night, and came in to wake her up for work. She told me she didn't want to work that day. I told her she HAD to get up, she couldn't sleep the day away. She smacking me in the side of my head, making my ears ring. She got up and began punching me repeatedly in the nose, biting both my shoulders and clawing my face leaving blood & a scratch.

    I got her dressed for work, hailed her a cab and bought her a coffee and a bagel. When I was coming home on the subway that day, I realized I could no longer count how many times this had happened. These beatings. The verbal abuse. The physical abuse.

    When she came home that day, (i was sleeping) she leaned over and said, "I'm sorry about this morning, is there anything I can get you?" I replied, "Sure how about a cup of tea." Her reply (which i still don't fully understand) was "Oh, I didn't know you were awake. If I'd known you were awake I wouldn't have asked."

    I basically left that night.

    Its interesting that no one in the congregation knows why I left my marriage. No local needs was given. I ran into an elder a bit latter, expressing privately some doubts I had about 1914 and 607. The very next service meeting had a local needs in it about me. The elder said, "If it doesn't come from the society, its false" (honestly, he actually said this, i have a secret phone hookup)

    I disassociated myself shortly thereafter.

    Just thought I'd tell me story :)

  • Gill

    So sorry to read your story ackack. However, I am glad that you have escaped both from the terrible marriage you were in and the WTBTS.

    I hope that your life if far, far happier now.

    Hope to read more soon.


  • joelbear

    I'm glad you have decided to start a new life for yourself. It will have good times and bad and their will be tough times. Take it one day at a time. Do something you've always wanted to do. Live life.

  • jgnat

    Nice to be in your company, ackack. There is something so liberating about calling a spade a spade. The air gets lighter, and life has colour again.

    That last comment from your ex-wife? Plain abuse I figure. She was saying you didn't deserve any kindness.

  • avishai

    So sorry for what you had to go through, ackack.

    Society in GENERAL has a problem addressing Female on Male Spousal abuse.

    Here is a thread i started on it recently

  • Confession


    Let me tell you, Sir, I can relate. Absolutely. I know what it's like to have an abusive wife, and I know what it's like to get looks from family and friends in the organization who look at you like it's probably your fault. When a female in the congregation leaves her husband because of abuse so many arms reach out to her, but if you're a male? Ha!

    "Don't you know how to handle your wife, boy? What's wrong with you? Have you ever stopped to consider that maybe you are causing the problem somehow?" Sometimes people would even laugh when I told them about the abuse. Once in a great while someone would see how she was capable of behaving. Then they seemed to get a clue, and become understanding.

    Actually I see this as a problem with society in general. Quick to accuse the male of abuse--hesitant to do likewise with the female.

  • Bryan


    Welcome! Sorry to hear of your stuggle. I went through simular with my first wife. When I approached the elders, several times, I was told they don't like to get into the middle of family problems like that. I suppose unless your mate is banging your best friend... don't bother.

    You will find many people here with real empathy, ready to listen and help.

    Take care,


    Hve You Seen My Mother

  • wanderlustguy

    Welcome to the forum!

  • Confession

    Avi, thanks for linking us to that thread you started. My point exactly regarding the attitudes on the abuse of men by women in our society.

  • ackack

    Its interesting. In other branches of Christianity, there is application of the "Pauline Privilege" with regards to abuse in a marriage. This concept is only mentioned once in a watchtower article. Never really touched on. (1 Co 7:15) The NWT deliberately obfuscates it in their translation.

    1 Co 7:15 But if the unbelieving one proceeds to depart, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not in servitude under such circumstances, but God has called YOU to peace.

    1 Co 7:39 A wife is bound during all the time her husband is alive. But if her husband should fall asleep [in death], she is free to be married to whom she wants, only in [the] Lord.

    compared to NIV

    1 Co 7:15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

    1 Co 7:39 A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.

    A far more honest rendering in the NIV. The Watchtower argues that 1 Co 7:10 shows 1 Co 7:15 doesn't apply to being scripturally free. I'm not telling people to believe one way or the other, but citing vs 10 and misstranslating the bible is rather dishonest argumentation.

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