People who never cry....

by JH 36 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  talesin

  I never cried till I was in my late 20s. Couldn't figure out why. Then, all hell broke loose inside, and I couldn't stop crying. Now I know that I had shut down all emotions. On the surface, I pretended to be happy, but was always NUMB inside. I didn't know how to feel anything except helplessness and, sometimes, rage would burst out of nowhere. The reasons, well, let's just say that I was forced to shut down as a child emotionally, as a protection. Now, I can laugh and cry, but it took time and exploration of what was going on in my head.

  tal
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  Hellrider

  I am also one of those that very rarely cries. In my adult life, I`ve cried three times: In my mothers funeral, when my son was born, and...when I saw Schindlers List...(^blush*...damn Steven Spielberg...). But that doesn`t mean I have less feelings than other people, quite the opposite. I am a very emotional person, I am deeply affected by lots of things, but I hurt/suffer more in the long run, over time, I can`t just cry when something happens and be over with it, like many others. Everything takes time with me, if I get sad/hurt, I stay that way for weeks, the same way if I get angry. (I`m don`t think I`m an easy person to be around, to be honest)
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  GentlyFeral

  I don't cry. I shut down.

  For me, I think this may be a caretaking issue. When I show distress, I feel burdened by other people's worry about me – so I lock it in.

  I don't pretend it isn't there – not to myself. I just deal with it quietly, where no one can see. And I've been getting stronger over the past few years, so it's a better strategy than it used to be. I end up doing a lot of emotional and psychological corrective surgery – not cutting things out, but rebuilding them.

  I do feel things very strongly. Sometimes the pain is extremely sharp, but it's not as persistent as it used to be.

  Leaving the cult was a big step. It freed me to do other things besides paper over my troubles with Bible platitudes.

  The other breakthrough, oddly enough, came through studying magic. More about that in another thread, perhaps; I don't have these thoughts in order yet.

  gently feral
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  zulukai

  My experience when my mom died might shed some light on why some people don't cry when faced with the loss of a loved one.. For the first time in my life I came face to face with the reality of human mortality when I sat with my mom as she died. This woman came from Poland, having escaped the Reds in Moscow as they killed off everyone associated with the Tsar,and came to Canada alone in 1930. She turned 15 on the boat just before disembarking at Halifax, Nova Scotia.She never saw her family again.
  Her life with my father was a tragedy of abuse and neglect. She said to me, a few months before she had the stroke that ended her sufferings "I haven't even lived and now it's time to die." She was 77 years old.
  As I sat by her bed, holding her hand,giving her nursing care and talking to her I felt the enormity of those words sink into my deepest being. She was beyond speech,and the stroke had affected her in such a way that although she understood us, she could only speak Russian, her language of birth. Finally she slipped into a coma, thirty days later she was gone.
  I then experienced for the first time in my life the grief beyond tears. I never knew there could be misery so great, anguish so terrible that one is UNABLE to cry. It was without a word of exageration the most painful thing I have ever gone through. I cried without the release of tears, it was more like a convulsion that wouldn't cease. The physical and emotional pain combined waas unbearable. When the tears came it was about a month later and then I couldn't stop. This went on for weeks. I now know why people can die from grief.
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  RichieRich

  I am an emotional turtle. You can look at me and know whats inside, but you can't get to it.

  I always viewed myself crying as an expression of weakness (even though I know its not) and I try not to let people see that.
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  Insomniac

  For whatever personal reasons, a lot of us don't cry. Personally, I rarely do, not even when horrific things are happening in my life that would warrant a good cry. Then once in a while, for no significant reason (I forgot to pay my electric bill, I'm reading a very sad book, etc.) I bust out sobbing and can't stop. Sometimes I cry when I'm in the car alone, for absolutely no reason at all. My boyfriend has seen me cry a couple of times due to extreme stress or physical pain, but he's probably the only one who has. It's private.

  The problem that we non-emotional types face is that others think we have no feelings, simply because we don't express them as overtly. I've been told all my life that I'm cold, unfeeling, inhuman. But I feel everything just as keenly as anyone else, and while I may not show it, I hurt just as much. Maybe that's why I post here so much; it's like being a different person. When there's just a keyboard and a monitor in front of me, I can let loose with the emotions that I can't express face-to-face, and people treat me as though I'm human. It's a really nice feeling.
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  Insomniac

  zulukai, I just thoroughly read your post. I'm so sorry about your mother. You're right about that pain; I lost my grandmother recently, and I thought I would die from it. I'm hoping it lessens with time (for you and for me.)
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  Ticker

  grew up being told "You want to cry? I'll give you something to cry about!" bam#$#

  I learned real young that crying meant you got hit.

  Funny I was raised the same way, and my father was a so called good standing JW.

  Ticker
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  delilah

  I'm an emotional person, but I try to keep it to myself. I don't like others to see me make a fool of myself, all tears, mascara running, god- I look like Tammy Faye or something!!! Really, I was raised with a lot of love and emotion, but my dad was not an emotional person. Not in a sad way anyways, till one day, his cousin was killed. My dad had to go identify his body....when he came home, he totally broke down. I was stunned....here was this big hulk of a man, reduced to tears, and crying like a baby....I have never forgotten that, and to this day, it tears me apart to see a man cry. My husband cried when his father passed away 3 and a half years ago....that was also hard to see. But, I don't see anything wrong with a man crying. It shows, to me, that he has a heart, and that he genuinely does care.

  Delilah.....
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  Sparkplug

  Dont be mistaken by my cry. It is usually because I am so damn mad that I can not contain it. If I cry out of emotional hurt, then it is really bad hurt. And I most likely will be mixing it with sheer anger. I try to let people know very calmly when I am about to reach that point, or give them a heads up on what actually will make me that mad, or hurt me that badly.

  But once the tears start falling, it is usually because I have reached my absolute limit and have have to deal with some harsh realities I wish were not so. For example I get very angry at myself for giving people better hearts than they actually have. I tend to lend my motives to other people and when I found I have done this once again...............................I get so damn mad, that well the tears start falling. I tend to stutter then too.

  Strange it never stops me fully from trying with people because most people even if they seem shitty, have this wonderful person in them that they just do not know how to let it out. I have found that the odds are pretty good that my first guess was good and that I am not making them into myself all the time (in my mind and my perception). Often the anger is the hurt I am put thru while I am patient with ones that just need time to learn a better way. It usually is worth it when the "children" grow up and realize the behavior they do really is a bad thing.

  I love it when the light goes on, and they pass that 2nd stage of adolescent developement. Lately though I find I am loosing my patience and sometimes the juice is not worth the squeeze to me. I think I am tired on waiting on adults to mature. Maybe I should look for more whole friends in the first place? I think though that would make me a lonely old fart because really who of us is completely balanced?

  Sorry if I ran with this post....