People who never cry....

by JH 36 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  sonnyboy

  Years later, when another family member died and was buried near my grandfather, I walked over to my grandfather's grave and as I looked at it and remembered him, I completely lost it.

  
  

  
  I was the same way when my grandmother died. She was the first of the 'close' grandparents to go. I even saw her during her last hours and didn't shed a tear...it was as if I was in denial of the whole situation. I never even cried privately.

  Then, about two years later, I was cleaning underneath my bed and found a letter she wrote to me. That's when the waterworks finally turned on and I balled uncontrollably for the rest of the day. She said how much she loved me in the letter, and I was beating myself in the head for not telling her the same and being more appreciative. I think some people simply put the death of their loved ones in a locked section of their minds, refusing to look at it directly.

  You never know when something will open your eyes and you're like, "Wow, they really are gone."
• 

  misanthropic

  HL said: "My mother-in-law doesn't cry. She is mean. When she hurts my feelings i cry, instead of telling her she was mean. Then she goes around defending herself, and telling everybody about my crocodile tears."
  My mother in law is like this sometimes too. She has said alot of things that have really hurt my feelings without much thought about it. I cry every time, I can't help it. I used to think she was cold hearted and just mean. But one time we had a huge blow up when she was being really mean to me. I was crying and upset but I was angry too. I just looked at her and said I thought it was unfair she judge me so harshly. I reminded her that she is the one who professes to be a christain, and that she is very judgmental for claiming to be Christlike. Then she started crying and hugged me and apologized. I think she is just a really guarded person and she see's crying as being a weakness.
• 

  GoingGoingGone

  Then, about two years later, I was cleaning underneath my bed and found a letter she wrote to me. That's when the waterworks finally turned on and I balled uncontrollably for the rest of the day. She said how much she loved me in the letter, and I was beating myself in the head for not telling her the same and being more appreciative. I think some people simply put the death of their loved ones in a locked section of their minds, refusing to look at it directly. I totally agree with this..... I lost someone very close to me some years ago. I was in a place in my life where I could not afford to lose it or get upset, so I only cried once, and that was just before she died. I lost another very close person 4 years later.... And still, the tears didn't flow. I'm normally a very emotional person! Years later, my favorite cat died. I was so upset over that cat that I couldn't stop crying for weeks and weeks. I was depressed for months. I think now that all the emotion that I couldn't show for my 2 loved ones (for a variety of complicated reasons) ALL that pent-up emotion came out when the cat died. It's so strange how our minds work. And it reinforced to me how important it is never to judge people. GGG
• 

  roybatty

  As a boy, I remember on several occasions (funerals, beatings, broken arm, etc.) when I started to cry and my father would grab my arm and tell me to stop crying, that men don't cry. So I did as I was told.

  Fast forward 25 years. Within a six month period both my grandfather and father suddenly died. I didn't cry. Not when the police called and told me that my father died in a car accident or at his funeral. To this day it really bothers me.

  A few months ago my son's report card came in the mail and it wasn't good. He got a pretty good tongue lashing from his mom and I. His eyes teard up and he cried a bit knowing that we were so disaapointed in his grades.

  In a strange was I was happy to see him cry.

  Weird.
• 

  kls

  My son's cry but i have never seen their dad cry, but he has really no emotions and crying is a emotion all should never be embarrassed of.

  It makes you look human
• 

  sonnyboy

  I think now that all the emotion that I couldn't show for my 2 loved ones (for a variety of complicated reasons) ALL that pent-up emotion came out when the cat died.

  I had a smiliar pet experience that I told another JWD member about in a PM:

  I didn't cry at my grandparents' funerals or when they died, but when my African Grey parrot died I totally lost it. Just like you, I was depressed for weeks and I didn't come out of my room for two days (except to get a glass of water). He died right after my grandfather passed away and right before I found my grandmother's letter.

  I imagine that most people who hold in their emotions, for one reason or another, will also lose it when least expected.

  My stepfather would never cry in front of anyone, and he always ranted about how much of a bastard his father was. When his father died, he acted like he didn't care in the least. But at the funeral...he practically climbed inside the coffin as he freaked out. I mean he FREAKED OUT like I've never seen anyone freak out in person. His brothers and sisters had to carry him from the funeral home and put him in the limo. He couldn't even walk on his own.
• 

  JH

  Funny, but I also cried ALOT, when my previous cat died. I had that cat when I started studying with the witnesses back in 1987. My best friend gave me a bible study back then. It was his cat, and after that he gave me that cat seeing that I was so attached to it, and he had a kid, so couldn't take care of the cat anymore.

  Then I quit going to meetings, that JW friend didn't come over or call me anymore, I finally stopped going to meetings, then the cat died, and I cried alot...thinking not only of the cat, but what the cat symbolized. The death of the cat in my mind symbolized the end of a friendship with that brother, the end of me being a JW, and finally the cat dying.

  So the cat's death ( in my mind) sybolized the end of all that.

  I'm an emotional person, and I remember even little events, even many years after most people forgot all about it.
• 

  sonnyboy

  The death of the cat in my mind symbolized the end of a friendship with that brother,

  Wow, I feel like I'm on Dr. Phil. Who needs to pay a therapist?

  I think I realize what my parrot symbolized: I got him right as my grandfather was moving in with us, and Pop would always try to pet him. Thunder would then draw blood from any digit he could wrap his beak around, and Pop would try the same thing the next day. They were always having it out.
• 

  Lady Lee

  JH

  I grew up being told "You want to cry? I'll give you something to cry about!" bam#$#

  I learned real young that crying meant you got hit.

  So I stopped.

  I never cried until I got married the first time and I got, "Don't show me those fake tears."

  So I stopped again.

  By the time I was 35 I thought there must be something wrong with me.

  Oops wait a minute there were tears. I could not watch sad movies or those Hallmark commercials. Even the Morman ads got me snuggling up to the Kleenex box. But it was never personal. Hmmm ok one thing I figured out that was personal. I could not watch movies where people were having babies or loving their babies, or missing their babies. Any show of love for a baby and the tears would start.

  But never for the death of a friend or family member. Never for pain or the fear of losing my second baby. Not even for the divorce (well especially not that). It always had to be apart from me and my life.

  Then I left the first husband and the JWs and I got into therapy. And slowly allowed myself to cry for my hurts. In the beginning it was one or two tears and I would shut it off. There! That feels better. Two frigging fears were all I could get out. But it was a start.

  Now. May Take me to the swimming pool and I can fill it for you. Finally it can just flow the way it is supposed to. I cry when I am happy. And when I'm sad. I can cry for me and for others. I might as well have the Kleenex box attached to my belt.

  Oh the baby shows. Seems that was a huge part of my mother's abandonment of me when I was a newborn. On some level I was expressing that loss. I'm better now at watching them but they can still move me on a very deep level.
• 

  love2Bworldly

  I used to cry at absolutely everything--I felt like such an emotional wreck. Then I went through 2 divorces and had to raise 3 kids on my own. I learned to hold stuff in because I didn't want my kids to see me fall apart; I had to be the strong one because I felt bad for all the bad times my kids had gone through, and I don't like to make my kids sad.

  Now I just get stomach aches instead. Healthy huh?