Death In the Family, How do I handle this ??? HELP !!!

by run dont walk 30 Replies latest jw friends

  • run dont walk
    run dont walk

    My mom (die hard witness), is not doing well, she called me for the first time in over 3 years on Sunday, she probaly has a year or less left in her, we had a good chat, she cried alot and said how sorry she was, and that there might be something to the things I have said.(WOW I ALMOST FELL OVER).

    And then today my grandma died at age 100 (witness for 75 years +). No need for sympathy, she had a great life, and lived on her own until she was 90, she was a great person, this was a blessing, she watched two of her sons die (my dad and uncle) and it took a toll on her, her quality of life the last few years was very depressing and sad. The funeral/memorial will be on Saturday.

    Now my dilema, I under no circumstances can enter a Kingdom Hall knowing what I know, the things the Watchtower has done, My mom will have a very hard time understanding why I will not go into the Kingdom Hall, and I know it will hurt her deeply, cause she will realize I will do the same when she passes, she is in rough shape, and very fragile. how do I handle this ?????????

    thanks to all, and love ya


  • Valis
    Now my dilema, I under no circumstances can enter a Kingdom Hall

    are you sure about that statement? Perhaps even for a while you could just suppress the "demonized" lol feeling of entering a hall and go pay your respects. Maybe even if it isn't for very long. I will have the same dillema with my parents some day and I will most probably go if it is at a hall. That doesn't mean you have to take any shit or even sit there and be preached at by any of those fools. Just go, pay your respects to the fam, maybe after the infomercial is over and give condolances to your family. Then run...don't walk..

  • Big Dog
    Big Dog

    Personally I think you should go, its all about showing respect for the person that died, being there for your family, and having some closure. Its the same arguement we use with the dubs when they won't go to another church for a wedding or whatever, you aren't there to worship or condone what is going on there, you are there for your family.

  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff
    I under no circumstances can enter a Kingdom Hall knowing what I know, the things the Watchtower has done

    RDW - I know that feeling. I have not been back inside a hall for about two years due to the same feeling.

    But let me ask you this; is a visit for a Memorial service the same as a visit to support and engage with Jehovah's witnesses in the form of worship they pursue?

    Is it possible for you to just look at it the same as going to a funeral home? No one can attempt to coerce you either way, but you are enlightened to the JW situation now. Just view it as any other church if u can?

    BTW - condolences on your loss.


  • rebel8

    I have to agree. Go if you can stomach it. I went to a family function in a KH post-borg and it was hard, but I was able to stand it. It put me in a foul mood, but it was over in an hour.

    If you don't want to look like your appearance in the KH is endorsing them, there are ways around that ;) Wear pants (or if you're a guy, don't wear a tie), bring a King James Bible, put a pack of cigs in your jacket pocket, I dunno, something. Don't hang around inside the KH. Wait outside until the ceremony starts, sit in the back, and leave. If people say hello, give them a cold stare.

    If you're really set to not go, then do you have memorial services outside the church in Canada? Here we have wakes, which are little get togethers in the funeral home the day before. I've heard other countries don't do that, but if you have the equivalent, you could go to that.

  • Elsewhere

    I went back into a KH for my sister's wedding and for a relative’s funeral.

    The way I see it, it is just a building they are using. Basically, I will not be like a JW who refuses to enter a church.

    Going also allowed me to make an anti-Witness by not participating in the prayer by not bowing my head. I also did not participate in the singing before and after. Got a few interesting looks too.

  • daystar


    My mother has cancer and has been hanging on for a while. But she could pass at any time. She will most likely have a Witness funeral. As much as the religion makes me ill, I will not allow them to influence how I live my life, where I go or don't go, what I do or do not. My spirit is much, much stronger than anything in a KH that might try to influence me, unless it be to defiance.

    Bottom line is, this is family. You should go, in strength, to lend support to your family. A side benefit may be that you come to terms with things and realize that the power of Satan and His organization (WTS) have no power over you any longer.

  • Scully

    JWs still have a funeral home take care of the burial and other arrangements. Find out from your mom if you and she can go together to have a private viewing so you can both say your goodbyes and have some private time together to talk about memories you have of your grandmother. You can say to your mom that you would prefer to honour your grandmother's memory privately without being subjected to being snubbed by JWs (and the Memorial Talk™/WTS Infomercial).

    My non-JW grandparents were not members of any church when they passed away, so all the arrangements were handled by the funeral homes. Due to distance I wasn't able to attend a couple of the funerals, so once we bought a home, I started a special corner in my garden where I planted roses in memory of my grandparents and Mr Scully's parents.

  • scotsman

    If I were you, I wouldn't go. I've been to a funeral in a KH since I left and it left me feeling like sh*t. Surrounded by people I'd grown up with who were friendly but distant, hammered home that I was no longer their friend. My mum cried because I didn't sing the songs, although she thought it right that I didn't sing praise to something I don't believe in. I won't be going to my mum's funeral either and she knows. I couldn't face having to be nice (or nasty) to the family and friends who shun me, while simultaneously grieving. We've agreed that I get to scatter her ashes for my own sense of closure.

    People talk about going out of respect etc, well, your grandmother is gone and I doubt it'll concern her whether you attend, but if you care what other people think about you, then you might have to go. I also think that the notion of funerals providing "closure" somewhat of a myth. Having been through family bereavement I can safely say that I didn't care who attended the funerals or what form they took, what mattered was those that were there for mein the days, weeks, months and years that followed.

    Just my tuppence, and good luck whatever you decide.

  • Elsewhere
    If I were you, I wouldn't go. I've been to a funeral in a KH since I left and it left me feeling like sh*t. Surrounded by people I'd grown up with who were friendly but distant, hammered home that I was no longer their friend.

    Hell, you can solve that problem by showing up with three slutty women... one on your left arm and two on your right arm next to each other.

    Make sure they wear really tight miniskirts, a tube top that shows way too much cleavage and too much makeup. As Icing on the cake you can have them smoke and chew gum really loud. Hell, for kicks you could have one of them ask very loudly: "Baby, when do I get to go down on you again?".

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