Death In the Family, How do I handle this ??? HELP !!!

by run dont walk 30 Replies latest jw friends

  • Grace

    This is a very difficult situation. If it were me, I would go the funeral for this principle:

    "If equal loving cannot be, then let the more loving one be me." W.H. Auden

    I truly believe the only way we can survive amidst the WT hatred is to NOT be like them! They would stay away. They would not show true Christian love. You, on the other hand, are free to love. So love. What you get in return, likely nothing at all, is not the issue.

    But I know this is easier said than done. I believe you might regret more not going as the years go by.

    Grace to you.

  • Apostanator

    I'm sorry for your loss. I will be facing similar circumstances when my mom passes away. You may want to consider spending some private time with your mom at the funeral home. If you don't want to be around the Witnesses, you could ask the funeral director if he would allow you to visit your mom after hours. ( I'm sure he would ) After she is buried, you could also spend some private time with her when everybody leaves.

    Best Wishes

  • Apostanator

    I'm Sorry, I meant your grandmother.

  • cruzanheart

    Wow, 100 years old! Now THAT is pretty cool! I know you have a tough decision on your hands, and you've received good advice from all here. I guess it boils down to what will make YOU feel better: standing with your mother to show support, or having your own private memorial for your grandmother.

    Whatever choice you make, accept the consequences and let it go. Do it for you and your memories of your grandmother.



  • scotsman


    If I were you, I wouldn't go. I've been to a funeral in a KH since I left and it left me feeling like sh*t. Surrounded by people I'd grown up with who were friendly but distant, hammered home that I was no longer their friend.

    Hell, you can solve that problem by showing up with three slutty women... one on your left arm and two on your right arm next to each other.

    Make sure they wear really tight miniskirts, a tube top that shows way too much cleavage and too much makeup. As Icing on the cake you can have them smoke and chew gum really loud. Hell, for kicks you could have one of them ask very loudly: "Baby, when do I get to go down on you again?".

    That really would confuse them, seeing as they all think I'm gay. Maybe a trio of trannies would be more fun...

    (apologies for any perceived disrespect for the dead, but I didn't start it!)

  • Elsewhere

    Yes, sorry if i took away from the thread... sometimes I can't help myself.

  • kls

    Bascially , wait till the time comes and then decide what you feel is comforting for you.

  • love11

    Why can't you step into a KH?

    I feel the JW's are crazy too, but you will only hurt yourself if you do not go to your own grandmothers funeral. Isn't that what they do? If you were catholic your mother probably wouldn't step foot into a church for your funeral either. But do you really want to be like them? Be the bigger person and go to her funeral, love your grandmother as she was- a jw, and don't forget who you are- an intelligent person that sees through their lies. Just feel sorry for those that don't and sorry for their ignorance and unloving behavior. Sit in the front row- YOU are family, not them!!!

  • GoingGoingGone

    About 15 years ago, the daughter of an old friend of the family died. I was visiting from out of town when it happened, and attended the wake. The father was so thrilled to see me. The family is Jewish, and I was going to attend the Jewish funeral service, but I was a 'good' JW then, and a member of my own family pressured me NOT to attend a worldly funeral at a Jewish temple, saying that I would bring reproach on Jehovah's name.

    So I didn't attend. I have regretted it every day since. I'm sure the family knows why I wasn't there, and they are respectful enough not to have ever mentioned it. But I am ashamed of myself. I could have been a comfort to them, and because of religious prejudice that I felt obligated to observe, I wasn't. Totally unloving and not at all what I wanted to do.

    Whatever you decide to do, make sure you are truly at peace with the decision. Don't do something because of some preconceived idea, or because you want to make a statement, or whatever. If you want to be of comfort to your family and feel you can't attend the funeral at the KH, make sure you find some way to do that outside the funeral.

    Good luck to you, whatever you do!


  • kls
    JWs still have a funeral home take care of the burial and other arrangements. Find out from your mom if you and she can go together to have a private viewing so you can both say your goodbyes and have some private time together to talk about memories you have of your grandmother. You can say to your mom that you would prefer to honour your grandmother's memory privately without being subjected to being snubbed by JWs (and the Memorial Talkā„¢/WTS Infomercial).

    Scully , you are so right and this is how i would do it,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Great thought

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