Thinking outside of what is allowed (page 3)

kls

have mad monkey sex

Are you a monkey to? I new i had more relatives somewhere

"Welcome to the forum, congrats for realising that the org is a manipulative liar that enslaves people to its will, and that real life is to be found outside it. Your grand mother doesn't realise that, so it's her problem her beliefs are in vain."

My grandmother... that is the hardest part. I have never been closer to another human in my life...ever. She was my world. Everyday, field service for at least 6 hours. A nap, some food and then study for the next meeting. We would call and right letters back and forth about the Watchtower and conventions and the like. It is so hard to get over it. I went to her house and her husband wouldn't let me in. I asked to come in and he said to me, "You seem not to understand the position that you are in?" I turned around and walked away.

My grandmother and I talked and she backed him up! This man who is now an elder has cheated on her numerous times with people from their very own congregation. He has been disfellowshipped twice in my lifetime. Every "faithful" witness in my family has been disfellowshipped at least once. Most of them twice. I had never faultered. But I am the most punished. Everyone was welcome in my grandmother's home. They could always eat her food. They could always get a hug. But she has spent the most time grooming me. So I am the most punished. She told me that it was in her best interests and mine for her to treat me as a person of the nations so that I can come to my senses. To me that is emotional blackmail. I respond very poorly to blackmail of any sort. Even if I chose in the future to go back, these actions toward me would prevent that.

If Jehovah does judge on action to decide who can be a part of the "new system", would these actions not damn all of these people? Oh yeah, its out of love

jgnat

It sounds like you are the "responsible one". There will come a day when she may need you as she gets older and frailer. You may chose at that time to tell her to get her help in the Organization she put all her hopes in. That might give you a measure of peace. Or you might decide to show her Christian love and embarrass her in to sensibleness.

Your call, either way, how you chose to respond to her. You are right. You gave enough. You DO HAVE integrity. Stand tall.

stillajwexelder

welcome - I still attend meetings

out of the box

Coolhandluke,

I enjoyed reading your story because to me it meant that 'you became of age'. You became an adult and stopped trusting what you were told to do like a child. An ADULT thinks for himself/herself! Congratulations for maturing despite the efforts to keep you the token 'child'. You were being offered up to God as a sacrifice for the family! Catholic families do that whith daughters to become nuns... sort of wipes out the family sins in the eyes of God or something like that. I feel if a sacrifice ought to be made, shouldn't YOU have something to say about it? Or do it from YOUR heart?

I am glad you thought of your 'distanced' relatives. We all have a 'group' of people around us even if we feel alone sometimes. JWs make you 'dissassociate' from them. I HATED that part of the religion. You shun your relatives and friends, then the JWs do it to you in the end! Now you know how they felt. This is not the right way to show love now is it?

I had a hard time when I left with no worldly friends around after abandoning them for 9 years. But, slowly I reconnected and discussed with them all I had gone through. They were so curious that they had lots of questions. This helped me. And I had mentioned in a previous post, I went to a Psychologist. My insurance paid for so many visits. I asked her how many visits I had, and told her up front I only wanted to discuss my conscience and regaining my self esteem in that time. I wanted to take care of the guilt (which by the way, WORKED). She explained to me the trick used to 'grip' the members of a cult. And once you see it, your guilt will dissapear! I PROMISE YOU IT WILL GO AWAY! What you suffer from is CONDITIONING, not YOUR voice inside making you feel guilty for what YOU did wrong. It is a conditioning that makes you feel bad when you leave them, so you will come back because you can't survive on the outside!!! And, YOU KNOW you CAN! You brave soul! I admire you!

out of the box

Sorry, Coolhandluke, I went off on a tangent and forgot to say WELCOME! Please write more about what experiences you are going through! I am looking forward to reading more from you! You sound like a great person with lots to offer this world WE ALL live in! Great posters here too, I am new too and they have helped me sooooooo much already!

out of the box

Rayvin

Welcome CHL! I am new here too and enjoy hearing from ex-jws that understand and have ' been there'. You mentioned ' the end of this system'. I can't mention a single problem or struggle to my Mother in law (JW) w/ out her saying that we just need to go to the meetings and study more. She always brings up how the end of times is so very close and they are focusing are bringing strayed ones back into the fold. Really? Then why aren't they calling on me? (not that i want them to)

I am hanging on a bit to appease my parents since my mom has cancer going on 7 years now and i don't want to punch her when she is down. My dad is starting to see the hypocrisy about loving brothers and sisters who don't visit mom or dad to see if they can help. He cried the other day saying" the only time they want to help you out if you are struggling is if you pioneer. And dam# it , it shouldn't matter"

I have found great support here and i hope you do as well. We have a great bond through our past and experiences.

Momofmany

Welcome coolhandluke. Thank you for sharing your story. This is a great site.

JamesThomas

Welcome, Luke.

Often there is a price to pay for following our heart; especially if we are associated with the Witnesses. It makes good sense that you left, for if you stayed you would be living a lie, and if there is a God, it certainly must value honesty and integrity.

I personally feel that it is impossible to truly and sincerely love a god who threatens you with death and destruction if you don't love it. Those under the belief that they can and do, are blinded by great fear; and it is this fear that motivates our Witness family to shun us. They may say it's out of love, but it's doubtful they have a clue what the word means anymore.

j

caligirl

Welcome CHL.

Man can I relate to your story! That feeling sick when it is time to go to meetings, the not really being able to put your finger on WHY, but you know something is not right. Ditto! Just so you know, the guilt does go away as you de-program, and not for a minute are their actions remotely condoned or approved by God.

Thinking outside of what is allowed

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