It was so long ago, in 1978, all i could think of was getting out. When my mother interfered by divulging to the elders my intentions of leaving it just increase my resolve to free myself from the great hypocracy, and falsehood of their profecy of 1975.......armageddon [3yrs late]. When the JC "ambushed" me at my apartment after a hard days work threatening me with d'fing, I just dismissed them and closed the door in their face and never felt more relieved and empowered in my life, I truly began to live! rocky 220
What did shunning do to you?
by hillary_step 67 Replies latest jw friends
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Monski
Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering! A little green guy once said that! For me, all of the above were true. I was afraid to leave because of the feelings of my parents. After I left I was angry because I lost all of my 'friends'. Still later, I became hateful of the org and I think everyone who posts here has experienced the suffering due to shunning! Still, the Dark Side is much better!
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outoftheorg
Newly out explains a lot U/D.
I am truly glad for you.
Thanks for your kind replies.
Outoftheorg
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tijkmo
wow i thought i was the only one who had the feelings of wanting to hit somebody..
even homocidal feelings..
it is such a comfort to know im not alone in that..
last year i deliberately didnt go to the dc because i would have hit someone..(this year i just didnt go)..i dont have a vengeful bone in my body..i was known in the congs as a peacemaker..not just a peacekeeper..someone recently said of me that a kinder man would be hard to find..but i swear if i ever come face to face with tony boyland again i will want to straighten his front teeth..and believe me that is an improvement on what i would previously have done to him..(and in fact would be an improvement to him)
h. step...these are the links to my letters to the gb if they will be of any use to you
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MerryMagdalene
As I contemplate the question of how shunning effected me, I realize that it's effect on me started long before I was ever shunned...
Growing up, it was an ever-present threat, just like Armageddon. And it had a terrible pull on my mind. Constant mental chatter just below the surface (a devil on my shoulder that I thought was an angel of light):
"Must do better...don't mess up...must do better...don't mess up...not good enough yet...not good enough yet...I'm not gonna make it...what's wrong with me?...why don't I belong?...why aren't I good enough?...if they knew what I was thinking and feeling, they would disfellowship me for sure...I'll just die if I'm ever disfellowshipped...have I committed the unforgivable sin?..."
And from the other shoulder:
"Don't worry, God isn't the way they portray him...you are loved...you are worthy of love...don't believe the lies...don't let it get you down...get away while you can...it's good that you don't belong here...run...run...run...and don't look back (with longing)..."
So I left, but I remained divided within myself a good long while, the angel and the devil on my shoulders battling it out. And even though I knew I didn't belong there and I believed that was a good thing, I still couldn't find where and how I did belong. And I felt the pain of my JW relatives who couldn't understand why I left and who believed God would kill me for it. They, too, were divided within themselves--unable to openly accept me and have fellowship with me, but also unwilling to abandon me completely, continuing to show me small expressions of their sad and hopeful love. I would think about going back just to make them happy, but I knew that, in practice, it would never work. I would have to sell my soul and be destroyed in the process.
I have yet to find true healing and wholeness, as my family is still there, reluctant shunners though they are, and I feel a bit numbed by the whole thing.
And it continues to affect me as I make new friends here and see how many people have suffered due to the harmful teachings, practices and policies of the WTBTS. I get so angry and so sad. But I also feel more love, more hope, more faith and more power as an X-JW among X-JWs than I ever felt as a JW among JWs. I am finally beginning to feel like I belong...not to a new group with a nice neat label, but to a whole great wide world of possibilities...just free to be.
Thanks for asking a very important question, Hillary. And, to all of you: you are my heroes and a great inspiration!
~Merry (of the sorry-I-couldn't-say-it-in-fewer-words class)
Oh, and I think this bears repeating, cos U/D said it so well:
Like a rapist that "got away with it"...is how I view them...
Let's not let them get away with it... -
hillary_step
tijkmo,
Many thanks for the links that you posted. What a distressing time for all involved.
Once the JW rumor-mill is on the move, there is little that you can do to turn the wheels away. I know from personal experience just how tough this can be, but you have survived and have grown stronger.
Was our mutual friend by any chance involved in your JC?
Best regards - HS
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hillary_step
Thank you everybody for continuing to post your expereinces. I have received a number of notes from 'lurkers', two who are still JW's, on my personal mail address [email protected] and some of these are to say the least very distressing to read.
Though I am away from my desk for the next few weeks while I attend to business, I would ask that you keep writing - your words are very great importance and help to others. I will reply to each person individually over the next few weeks.
Best regards - HS
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tijkmo
no hs....mutual friend was in different congregation