What did shunning do to you? (page 3)

JH

Shunning anyone is not done out of love, but pure hatred.

hillbilly

For me it's a good thing. The few narrow minded SOB's who have shunned me ...well, I just didnt like 'em anyway.

~Hill

tijkmo

it killed a little child in me. it asphyxiated a part of me that viewed other humans as humane, and good, and noble. on my heart, once filled with trust, it worked exactly as the weapon it was designed to be. the shredder, the bludgeoner, the silent killer.

you made me cry

I'm neither df or da, but I find that when I run into someone I knew who is a jw, they just ignore me. Which doesn't really bother me as I didn't really like most of them anyway. But it's my grandmother that bothers me, she doesn't shun me, but she just lays on the guilt heavy and tells me I'm "diseased" and "how could you do this to your family." She's really the one that's causing me stress right now.

But one interesting thing (to me) that I've noticed: When I was a JW (up until about 9 months ago), I would wake up every morning and lay in bed and daydream for up to 2 hours about dying. About how I could kill myself and different ways to do it and it really appealed to me. For several years I really really wanted to be dead. I didn't want to hurt people, just be dead and gone. Not looking toward resurrection or paradise just dead. In fact, I would think of praying and writing a note that basically said "Please don't ressurect me, I don't want to come back. I want to be dead and gone and I don't ever want to see anyone or anything again."

But since I've left I now realize that I have not thought about that at all. I never think of killing myself or wanting to die anymore. I'm pretty happy with my life and hope that it just keeps going the direction it's going. I think I'm a happy person for the first time in my life.

Doubtfully Yours

To answer the subject question of what shunning did to me, I can say that it made me come back.

I just couldn't stand the treatment as if I was dead by my whole family. It was horrible to me!

One my siblings walked away from the WBTS, not df'd or da'd just became involved in other acitivities so much that there was hardly any time for the JW stuff, and for a while was given the same 'as dead' treatment. However, this sibling was stronger emotionally than I ever was. She moved away and built her whole life all over again, finished her graduate education, got a new set of friends according to her studies and interests and now travels all over the world.

It took some 5 years or so, but my family finally came around and started seeking her out. Now she's the one that limits them. Things are done her way, and when she visits they all treat her so nice and never bring up WBTS stuff. She proved them all wrong about the JW mentality that she'd be doomed to unhappiness and that her life would be trash for leaving Jehovah.

You go Sis!!! I should've held on to my resolve, but my love for them was stronger at the time. Perhaps in the near future I'll get that chance again.

DY

BrendaCloutier

My shunning began when I got married - into the wrong active JW family! This by so-called friends of my dad's - an active, long-time elder! Friends that I grew up with at circuit assemblies. I just couldn't understand it! I wasn't taken on my own merit. After it began, and after I was yelled at by the PO in his house because I married the wrong family and I should have known better because my deceased fa-in-law was a violent abusive man who deserved to go to hell, I called my dad crying, and told him of the other crap going on in the cong. He told me there was nothing he could do as it wasn't his cong. When the domestic violence started, the loving elders told me it was my fault that I wasn't a good enough wife.

(That, unfortunately, was their normal response when I was being abused. I endured racial abuse at school during the late 60s because I was white in a mostly black urban gradeschool, and beat up daily for it. My parents didn't lift one finger and told me it was because I was a JW and to turn the other cheek. )

My parents didn't shun me until after I left my husband (7 years and 2 suicide attempts and serious thoughts to homocide before I got the idea that I could leave) when they realized I had no desire to go back to being an active JW again. Because of the isolation from friendships during my marriage I'd already lost most of my friends.

I am no longer shunned by family. My parents are old. They've seen too much, but continue to be loyal. My dad is dying from kidney failure. My oldest sister (20 years older) and her husband speak to me - Darlene has always kept in touch. She never believed in shunning family.

I feel better about having some relationship with my parents now, even though I had written them off years ago. (I was adopted by them.) But a child still at some deep level wants at least some acknowledgement from the people who raised them and they called "family".

Edited to add: HS, If you thing there is anything I have written that you want to use, or wish to contact me, you have my permission. blcloutier at yahoo dot com

hillary_step

Thank you for all your comments and experiences both on this board and for those who have contacted me off-line.

I know that for many it is hard to talk about his subject publicly, so I will note my email address again : [email protected].

If you are still a JW and have been disfellowshipped but feel this punishment is worthy and wish to put your case in writing, or if you are 'lurking' and do not wish to make a public statement, please feel free to contact me offline.

What you write will be held in the strictest of confidence, on this you have my word.

Best regards - HS

Scully

Crumpet:

the attempted suicide being one of the reasons for my df-ing.

I can't put into words how livid I am at them for doing this to you, when giving you the love you needed might have prevented you from ever getting to the point of feeling suicidal.

Love, Scully

doogie

i had a bottle of pills in one hand and a bottle of jack daniels in the other. the note on the floor said, "my blood on your hands."

i passed out and woke up about 20 hours later with a wicked hangover. shunning was not kind to me for awhile. now, i've never been better.

greendawn

It's disgusting what those incompetent elders and their JCs can do with their ignorance and incompetence, they are total butchers.

People in religious office should have some proper training in dealing with their followers' spiritual/emotional delicate affairs.

What did shunning do to you?

JH