How do you feel, relieved or sad?

jula71

I’ve been doing a bunch of reflecting and pondering> I’m just seeing if anyone else has been feeling this and/or if it’s common. I feel relieved. Relieved that I have a new found freedom, free to pursue goals and dreams I never could as a dub. Free from the guilt, always feeling “god is watching” waiting from me to screw up so he can erase my name from the “book of life.” But the future for me looks bright. But I feel a sadness. Sometimes a bit overwhelming. A sadness that there is no “paradise.” I spent years as a dub, not only because I was raised one, but because I wanted to be there. It was a beautiful dream. Who wouldn’t want that? But a little digging and it was gone! Who else feels like that? How do you handle it?

dontnowat2believe

I was 15ish when i stopped going but i still remember the dream.Only it wasnt my dream, its like i had a false memory implanted and i still remember now that it didnt seem right that only certain people would live forever and rest would die. I feel relived that i know this is just a false hope put into jws heads but at the same time i feel sad that my childhood was stolen from me, and replaced with beatings at home, shame at school, and a f***ked up head for best part of 16 years.

Pete

homesteader

I understand your bittersweet feelings. I definitely feel relieved not living under such pressure to measure up to such high standards. I felt sadness at the loss of some good friends, but have so many more wonderful people have come into my life. I try not to look back too much. You might feel a little more sadness than some of us because it's an end to your childhood dreams and fairy tales. I've found that paradise is right here and now. Life is your perception. I'm 40 something and living all of my dreams and feel fufilled.

potleg

I was glad to finally get out and I've never regretted it...sadness...no. I felt angry and betrayed. I did the best that I could for the borg and they turned out to be a bunch of wackos pedling empty dreams and a string of broken promises.

jeanniebeanz

For me, life is now so much more mysterious and sacred than when I was a witness; almost magical. Each day I live my life and appreciate those whom I love and the freedoms I enjoy. The future is brighter now for myself and my children.

As a witness, they drill you for years that no one knows if they will be saved through Armageddon or not so do more, do more, do more or you won't make it and even angels didn't make it so don't ever rest. Oh, and you are not doing enough unless you sell more books and magazines, go to all the sales meetings and report any traitors.

Now I know it's bull-pucky. There is no Armageddon coming to murder billions of innocent people. I don't have to do *hit unless my own conscience and culture tell me I should. As a result, I love humankind on it's own terms not some made up religious hocus-pocus terms which says that out of several billions of decent, hardworking, loving people only a few hypocritical, lying, judgemental people are going to be 'saved'.

I don't fear other peoples opinions, I don't fear knowledge; it's wonderful. As a witness, I was scared half to death by Demons. Funny, now that I am living my life in a reasonable, kind and normal fashion, I haven't seen one like I was threatened with! Never even heard any of my normal friends talk about them. They're like, "Have I ever been bothered by Demons? You been smokin crack? Damn, you're weird but we love you anyhow." One more lie...

Yeah, it's very good to be free...

J

outoftheorg

Jula any time a major change in ones life takes place, the feelings of sadness, depression, fear, guilt,

and especially the feeling of being 'lost' can be expected.

We have a pretty well fixed picture of ourselves "our identity" and when a large change comes, like a divorce we are in some ways no LONGER OUR OLD SELF.

We loose our "IDENTITY".

A complete abandonment of a CULT that has the control the wbts has over their members Is a major change in ones life IN MANY WAYS.

If these feelings linger on too long, seeing a counselor is a good idea.

Outoftheorg

the_classicist

I feel sleepy. In all honesty that's all I feel (I must stop taking drowsy allergy medicine).

But to answer your question... I feel great never having to go to another meeting again, bored out of my mind. My childhood as a JW was pure BOREDOM.

deb926

Sadness.......... No. Releived........ Yes. Angry and bitter for the years that were wasted and the loved family members I have lost............ still working on it. Glad I'm out of it..........most definitely!

Hang in there. It gets better over time. Lean on those that have proved to be your true friends and they will surprise you with the support they will offer and the love they have for you.

9thWonder

My next door neighbor is a JW...older woman...probably in her 60's. When I moved into the home I bought right next to door to her, she made sure to tell me that "the walls are thin." One day, I came home from work and she was standing in front of her house waiting on me. I wonder how long she anticipated this day...she met me outside with a speech about how she can hear things in my house and she is going to tell the elders in her congregation about the things she heard. I told her to "go ahead" and walked away. Not even one week later, the elders in my cong. approached me about a the information this woman took to her cong. elders. I didn't even want to have a conversation about it. Even though I didn't have to tell them anything, I admitted to everything and felt a weight lift off me. This is what led to my being df'd for the 3rd time. I realized that, like my baptism, each time I got reinstated I was doing for my family and so-called friends. Ironically, these are people whom I've known all my life and have never felt a connection to and could never relate to. So 1 year after it was announced that I was no longer a member of my cong. and 2 rejected requests for reinstatement, when my mother asked me to come back because people missed me, I simply told her that I just don't believe that these "men" are qualified nor do they have the "right" to tell me that I am unrepentant or that not enough time has passed for them to consider reinstating me. I told her that I don't think that my standing in the congregation is what will determine how Jehovah will judge me.

So...do I feel relieved or sad? I feel very relieved. Liberated. Like I now have a real chance to get closer to the only being who can read my heart and truly judge me.

crazyblondeb

At first I was scared and worried about my siblings left at home. Then I felt pure freedom--went kinds nuts making up for lost time, doing everything I hadn't been allowed to do. I went thru a period of being angry cause I lost so much time with my sisters and brother. Now, I try and cherish each day, thankful they all found their way out.

Now I have a big world open to me. Full of possibilities!

shelley

How do you feel, relieved or sad?

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