Welcome Lola.
Jesus’ illustration of the 99 sheep identifies clearly who the real shepherds are. In the WBTS system they spend thousands of hours leg roping individuals, and then when some stray, there is little or no effort made to give them loving support. My wife and I also spent many years in full time ministry, but are glad to be out of the clutches of that convoluted system. It is obvious that in the JW society you are only as good as your last service report. When your reports stop, depending on the individual elders, you are likely to be relegated to the scrap heap. That was our experience.
For many years we had doubts and reservations about their claims being "spirit directed", and the modern "ark of salvation". Then after reading "Crisis of Conscience" and "In Search of Christian Freedom", by Ray Franz, (former member of the governing body), it became obvious that they are not spirit directed, nor are they God appointed place for salvation.
Not to lose faith and peace of mind is quite a challenge. We prefer to stay Bible oriented. I believe it is the only reliable, inspired guide; when followed it provides peace of mind and gives purpose to life. It alone points the way to an endless future with no disillusionment.
Once again, welcome. We sincerely wish you peace and God’s blessing on your journey.
Regards
David