Need advice from people with a JW partner

by sass_my_frass 14 Replies latest social relationships

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  bikerchic

  s_m_f here is a new post you might want to read on the same subject:

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/9/91697/1.ashx

  Also jgnat really sums it up well as she is the unbelieving mate, lots to think about!
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  ex-chum

  I'm praying you can pull it off. I was the nonJW husband and we did well for ten yrs or so, until a baby came along and we have been separated now for sev yrs. Do your best to educate your husband in what your old life was all about, and dig into this forum as often as you can--it has helped me immeasurably. If you can do it, it will be as good as it gets with two people trying
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  sass_my_frass

  Many thanks to everybody, and I'm very sorry for the pain that you all endure.
  

  By 'we're not having children', I mean, we don't want them and we also literally cannot have them. It won't happen.

  I've read a bit of freeminds.org, and I'm going to order Releasing the Bonds by Steven Hassan. I think it's even better that I read this than he does. I don't intend to do things 'the witness way', but in reality I'm still trying to identify the ways in which my thinking compares to the normal way - so asking him often what is normal, is good advice, thanks for that. I absolutely put him first, our lives second, the happiness and mental health of my family somewhere behind that. God is important and somewhere in there. The handful of witness friends who I want to maintain contact with will always have my love, but they'll never be my social life again, we're on different sides of the country. The organisation goes last with a nod and a smile but no respect. But he's first, that's the point, and always will be.

  Work functions I do. Holidays - not such an issue here, only xmas and valentines day really, but I'll happily do all of those. Politics - well I've always been a silent neohippie, slightly to the left, and so is he - but we're pretty much identical in that regard.

  I want to show my man off, he's magnificent. Yes you're right I've been too humble in planning the wedding, I'm going to make more noise about it now. Well, it's a bit late, I sent them quiet little email invitations, but I can make a bigger deal of it and after the event they're getting photos and websites and they're always going to be SAD that they didn't have the guts to show up. I'm going to use that guilt trip.

  I have also gone along with my sister's wish to not contact them as it 'confuses her sons'. Bugger that, they're not going to pretend I'm dead. They're getting letters and photos and postcards... what they do with them is their problem.

  No I've never liked the term 'unbeliever' either for the same reasons. The word 'worldly' makes me giggle.

  Thanks, I'm going to think about what you said about going for reinstatement. I'll see how we go. It's not a 'final choice', but it's the plan for now.
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  BT Humble

  I want to show my man off, he's magnificent.

  Ah, my Beloved. We really need to get you some new glasses!

  (After the wedding, of course!)

  BTH
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  sass_my_frass

  Thanks to all. I'm hoping we can pull it off too. So far our commitment has matched our confidence. I'm going to keep researching and reading, I just didn't want to ignore this, what will be the biggest issue in our lives, at least for now. That is, I don't want to make an issue of it, but it's worth knowing in advance some things that I can do to help it. I know that the attempt to get back in will be rough but I think it's worth it long-term. But I'm keeping my mind open and will be watching carefully for any possible damage that it will cause.