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vasquez68

I am married to a jw and we are having marital problems at this time, and I believe that alot of the problem is due to this freakish cult. I have been to the meeting with her and I found this religion to be off the wall in how they believe and I can't believe how people can be drawn in to this crap. I have done alot of research on this cult and can't believe some of the crap I have read, but I know that with the situation being what it is with me and my wife I know that anything I say about this cult will only make things worse. I love my wife very much and I want to do all I can to save our marriage, and so I thought maybe someone can give me some advise as to what I can do to get my wife away from this religion, or maybe get her disfellowship because I just believe that no one should be subject to the crap that, and I sure don't want my daughter growing up believing this crap. I know that it may be wrong to want to get my wife disfellowshipped but I just feel that that would be the only way I can save my marriage, so please help with any suggestions you may have. Thank you

calamityjane

Welcome, did she join the religion after you were married, or was she brought up in it? There will be different factors to consider depending on how deep she is in it.

vasquez68

She was raised in the religion but was inactive till about 2 yrs into our marriage she decided she wanted to get baptised, and I agreed as long as it did not effect our marriage, but unfortunately thats not what happened.

rebel8

I know that it may be wrong to want to get my wife disfellowshipped but I just feel that that would be the only way I can save my marriage, so please help with any suggestions you may have.

I don't think it's wrong to be willing to take drastic measures to save a loved one from a mind control cult. I wish my dad had either forced my mom out or at least refused to let her involve me in it. My entire life would have been better!

1st of all, is she doing something worthy of getting disfellowshipped? Is it something for which proof could be obtained?

Her getting DFd may be a serious blow to her faith in this false religion, but it may not completely deter her participation in it. Be aware she could be confronted by the elders and repent, therefore avoiding punishment and feeling all the more subservient to the cult.

There is another poster on this forum, "upside/down" if I'm remembering correctly, that has a JW wife. There were some good suggestions given, such as sitting down with her and coming up with ground rules...like both partners not discussing religion with the kids unless both partners were present. Could you agree on having equal religion time--daughter attends a JW meeting then spends equal time at your church or with you discussing philosophy?

calamityjane

So being brought up in it, its going to be difficult to get her out, especially if all of her family are in. If she leaves the cult, they may or will eventually shun her, which can and will be very distressing to her.

GetBusyLiving

Hi, welcome to the board. There's a great book out there called 'Combatting Cult Mind Control" by Stephen Hansson that I think you would find very helpful. You can order it at Amazon.com, that's my favorite online bookstore anyway. As you said, the dubs are a freakish cult.

GBL

95stormfront

She was raised in the religion but was inactive till about 2 yrs into our marriage she decided she wanted to get baptised, and I agreed as long as it did not effect our marriage

.......and of course, initally, she swore that it wouldn't. If her mouth was moving when she said that she was bald face lying through her teeth......and she knew it.

You should've noticed the changes even as she began her study......her no longer wanting to participate is holiday functions, the disapearance of things she consider "deminized" whether they meant anything to you or not, the slow shift from spending evenings and lazy Saturday mornings together to her spening more and more time with her new "friends" and associates at the KH and out in service, the gradual shift in grey thinking to black and white as per whatever direction the Soceity happen to be going, language that grew more loaded and condescending as her spiritual progression went on.

You're in the fight of your life.....a fight in which in all likelihood you'll lose. Any interference at this point will be seen as persecution and treated accordingly.

The WT has 100 years of history on it's side of honing their technique of seperating families to a science proven hard, but not impossible to beat.

Good luck. Unless you can get your wife to question rationally the WTS, to earnestly research the truth about the past of the organization and let the chips fall where they may, you're really gonna need it.

vasquez68

Yes her parents are witnesses but her brothers and sister are not, and as far as her parents, her little brother is a drug addict and he live with her parents, they know that he has this problems and they still allow him to live in thier house, her dad even give him money so he could go buy drugs, and as far as my wife goes she has a friend who she hangs out with that is a drug addict, and knowing this still associates with this person, it just seems to be a double standard.

Cordelia

it must be hard in your situation, but i know from personal experience that being dfed is not the best way to go, you are not free even then unless you make a clean break your wife may feel she has to attend all the meetings to try and 'get back' if her family are in it! you wont believe how much i wish id had the strength to just fade!

i think the best thing would be to show your wife this site ask her to look up things about the un and 607 etc. if she can see for herself how wrong the religon is she will leave without going through the hurt disfellowshipping brings to everyone, would she be willing to listen to you?

is she taking your daughter to the meetings with her? good luck lovecordy

Jewel

You have my sympathy. Getting her disfellowshipped will not accomplish your purpose. I'd be really tempted to try something completely radical--Join Them...

Right now she is in the position in the congregation of being Martyred-Theocratic-Wife-Of-An-Unbeliever. That is pretty different from the role of Properly-Submissive-Wife. Start going to meetings. Spout the party line. Take time in the morning (and insist that she does, too, after all you are the spiritual and actual head of the family) to read and discuss the Daily Text together (if they still do that...) Set up time for the Pre-Bookstudy Bookstudy, the Pre-Watchtower-Study-Watchtower-Study and the Pre-Ministry-School-Review-Of-The-Material (can there possibly be anything more redundant...or more boring). Look up all the cited scriptures together and discuss at length. After a bit, tell her that you have been praying on your family and think it would be a good idea for her to Pioneer. Take an interest in how she dresses and start to lean toward frumpy (because that shows a proper womanly spirit of modesty). If she has any gumption left, I wouldn't be surprised if the whole business didn't start to pall pretty quickly. Watch for signs that the enthusiasm is waning...

Of course, the danger is that you'll get sucked in in fact-and that's no idle danger so you'd have to be careful to keep doing your research privately to provide you with reality checks. And this is assuming that if you've only been married a couple of years your daughter is too young to remember this phase of her life as she gets older...

Good luck and let us know how it goes-

Jewel

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