by joelbear 28 Replies latest jw friends
joelbear, glad you came back here, where we understand. It was good to see your name, and I clicked on the thread even before I read the title, cause I was happy to 'read' you.
Let it out, man, go ahead! Vent, storm, tell us about it. Anger pushed down turns into rage, and that does no good for the anxiety and depression.
You will get there, to a place of more peace. Be kind to you, dear man. I'm glad you have friends that love you, and help you out. It's not such an awful world, is it?
tal
I'm terribly sorry to hear you've been hit so hard by the whole cult experience again recently, joelbear! It's wonderful to hear that you have friends taking care of you this weekend though, that's a small silver lining anyway...having real friends who are just there to care about you, not to reprove or examine you. What a relief, huh?
I hope you can find a source of recovery that will work for you soon. I'm curious what all you've tried so far? It would be good for others to know what has and has not worked for others.
Here's a link to some "Best of Recovery" ideas from JanG and Lady Lee. I hope you're feeling better today.
joelbear....I missed you. Don't let them win. pm me.
Hello joel,
{{{ hugs first }}}
You said:
how can you explain to someone how it feels to have your life ripped away from you by a book publishing company?
i hate them so much for what they are able to do to people.
I feel this exact same way on a daily basis myself. It can get very intense depending on the next lie that gets discovered and then uncovered and exposed.
My opinion, and it's because my own life inside this organization was very dynamic and dysfunctional and obliterated our family nucleus, is that unless others lived what we lived, were there and WITNESSED it, they could not possibly grasp the core of our hate/ rage. And how it DOES burn inside, yet we've managed, somehow, to keep it at a simmer. [ Disclaimer: I am not by any means minimizing ANYONE else's life experience as a baptized jw child who was then disfellowshipped, as a child ]
What I have been able to do with these feelings is to get active in the work of making it public knowledge how destructive, deceptive and corrupt the WATCHTOWER/ JW ORGANIZATION truly is. It is what works well for me. I actually do field work joel, if you can believe it. I mass-email and make phone calls to community leaders, news orgs, my state reps, etc. I try to do what I can and it gives me great pride and is a way of amending my ways.
I hope and wish you well in finding what works best for you in taking the hate and using it productively.
Sincerely, sKally
its been 17 years, its intensifying not decreasing with time.
Dear Joel,
Nothing can be done about the past. The present, well, that's another matter.
You are stuck in a victim role, and it is not necessary to continue to do so. You have, right now, the power to move out of it.
Sit, non-judgmentally, gently and silently with the hatred which is felt. What is it really? Void of story and mental commentary, what is it? What memories and mental pictures trigger the hate emotion? What is the "hate" emotion? How does it manifest within the body? Where is there tension? Get to know what makes up this "hatred".
Do this investigation without judgment or without adding to the story of "me and my hatred". Observe as if afar.
The problem is, is that you have created an identity around this matrix of hatred; and to attempt to step out of it would trigger self preservation mechanisms to keep you in. In other words: you're screwed. Your screwed, it will "intensify", that is, until you clearly see just what the dynamics of what you call "hatred" really is.
When there is realization of reality, when there is a clarity of what is actually going on, when you see that this suffering called "hatred" is not who you are, but rather it is just memories and physical reaction to those memories, then, then you can with clarity and precision choose not to travel that way anymore. This habitual way of existing may at times begin to reoccur, but simply use your nonjudgmental-conscious-attention to recognize this old pattern, that you may then consciously choose to travel there no more.
The jail cell door, is not locked. It's all up to you.
This investigation and the freedom discovered from it, may happen very quickly, or it may take some time. Be patient. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Keep looking. Go deeper into the joy and freedom, that you truly already are.
j
It's called Justifiable anger
They took all my family and my assets.
Take the best care of yourself we don't let evil win.
Well living is the best revenge indeed,i just bought a brand new suv with my otherwise watchtower world wide work donations
AND i posted the truth about the truth in 5 worldly forums just this morning,we 'R in their face in cyberspace we'll get em......
we 'R in their face in cyberspace we'll get em......You said it, Danny!
Joelbear.....nice to hear from you again. I'm glad you have finally figured out this organisation will continue to hurt you since your your life will never meet their requirements for you to be accepted. Perhaps you will heal now. ..............and oh, take it easy on the meds.....will ya?
Hugs to you bro.
Gumby
Danny,
Go get 'em Tiger!
See Joel, there are ways to turn the anger into a useful tool. It can be very positive in many ways. And, when the pain hits you, go ahead and feel it and let it out. Then get back to work.
sKally
Joelbear
I am sorry to hear that you are allowing this burden of your memories of your Jehovahs Witness experience to pull you down and chew you up so badly. It gets to all of us but it is a matter of degree. James Thomas gave some good advice and among other things said:
Observe as if afar.
This is another way of saying - step outside of it - detach from the pain and anger - Stand back and observe despite the pain. Except the pain explore it and move beyond it. I do not know if any of this makes sense to you but it does work and it is worth a try. Click on a few of his other posts. His concept is not new to me but I always feel calmer when I have read some of his posts.
Hang on in there - life is precious - it is easy to leave but do not forget the effort you put into getting where you are.
