Joel- I went through 10 years of depression after leaving the jw's. I went through many phases between anger, utter sadness, hurt, guilty, disappointed, ashamed, you name it. But for the past couple of years I have been getting out of my 10 year funk. The only thing that I can tell you is my secret for being happy more days then being sad is- I've found my own version of what happiness is, not someone elses. I found something to live for. I stopped believing everyone elses views about me, and began to create the person I wanted to be and who I really was on the inside that no one else saw, yet. I knew that it would take me years to get to my goal of being exactly the person I've always wanted to be, so I planned accordingly.(still in progress) I've planned for little goals all the way to the big goal. Also, I decided that these people that make me feel bad about myself are not losing sleep over me, so why should I care about what they think. The idea of family to me has changed considerably! I think of myself now and allow for some "selfishness" pampering. I narrowed down what my responsibilities are- and they are not trying to preserve a relationship with people that shi* on me. I've eliminated toxins of all kinds out of my life- people, drugs, alcohol, coffee,etc. And have gradually over the past few years replaced those things with things that nourish me- exercise, vitamins, herbs, tea, soy milk,etc,. (Find what's right for you) And I have allowed myself to make mistakes and not feel as guilty as I used to when I don't live up to my own expectations. I have stopped having an inner dialog that puts myself down or any negative talk. (If I catch myself saying anything negative to me, I stop and say, "That's their words, not mine." At first, I noticed I put myself down so much in my thoughts that I actually started a thing for when that happens- I would pinch my leg and say, "Stop It! You are not like that! That's who they think you are, but you just be yourself." I know it sounds crazy. But it worked! Also, there's no shame in getting med's when you've been through severe brain washing.
Now...........I have a much more positive outlook on life and I have far more good days then bad now. You owe it to yourself to have the best life you can have right now. You have an advantage over all of the JW's in the world. They are still waiting for their life to really begin until after armaggedon. LOL When you can start living all of your dreams right now! It may take awhile to get to that great phase in your life, but you will get there! Don't give up by killing yourself, that's what they want you to do so that they can say, " See, poor Joel left "the truth" and he committed suicide...... it just doesn't pay to leave Jehovah's organization." Well................what's that saying? ......Living a good life is the best revenge.
I remember when my husband and I first got married, his "friend" stole thousands of dollars of music equipment from him. Professional microphones, amps, guitar, bass, some pedal thing, recording devises, etc,. We were so pissed for years about that! But you won't believe what happened to his friend. Years later I saw him, he was in my alley looking through my garbage before he got back on the truck. He looked like a slob and we heard rumors that he sold all of that equipment and everything in his house to get coked up. Right now he is living in filth and scrambling to buy coke. Not that I wish bad on anyone, but he got what he deserved.
Now......I don't even know anyone that is like that. I had to stay away from everyone I knew from infancy. I am now in the process of saving to move far away from here and not telling a soul where I will be going. I'm reinventing myself because I didn't like being the abused child, JW, ex-jw, poor person, depressed person, confused person, low self-esteem person that they have made me. Hope that helps. Love
