No longer innocent

by fairchild 31 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  LyinEyes

  (((((((Chris)))))))

  I totally understand the void you are feeling in regards to spirituality. I have been out of the borg 3 yrs and still have these crazy feelings that now over these last few years is just a fleeting moment of missing my old JW life.

  For me it was part of my actual indentity as a person . Losing my religion and my huge extended JW family left a terrible void in my life.

  I tried to fill it, but I realized I couldnt just replace that feeling with something eles, because there is nothing like what I thought it was all about.

  I had to let it go. I had to cry, grieve and mourn over what I lost. Even thou there was soooooooo much pain and sorrow being a JW, I still loved it dearly. Just like an abused child still loves their parent,,,,,,,I still longed for my JW life . But as time went by it became less and less strong and I moved on to other things, that brought me REAL happiness.

  In my case I am sure the feelings I had and still have from time to time, especially in dreams are part of brainwashing, and being in a cult. It fits the pattern so very well. And I would have never , never admitted I was part of a cult, but I know it to be true.

  I can just say Chris I think I understand what you are feeling, and I would say just give it time, I know I am still giving it time.
• 

  AlanF

  About 1-3 years, Fairchild, depending on how you measure.

  AlanF
• 

  JAVA

  Fairchild -- You've made 1000 posts on the forum, but you've only been on this walk for about 6 months. As Alan and others suggested, it takes a little time to feel truely free from the harmful effects of the Tower. I think the longer a person was in, and how deep they were influenced, can contribute to the time needed for healing, etc.

  There are many folks of faith on the forum that have found freedom in their new walk. There are also many of us that are happy to be free from religion. There really is no correct way of finding what's right for you--you'll know it when you find it. But there is great comfort in knowing there is a brother and sisterhood of people here that truely understand. That's a blessing we all share. It's a journey we've all experienced.
• 

  Narkissos

  Hi Chris,

  Heartfelt congrats and thanks for your post.

  For some loving God may mean accepting his silence, his absence, perhaps ultimately his non-existence, instead of making a false god to try and fill the void.

  I wish you the best on your way. Thanks for being here.
• 

  Country_Woman

  Hi Chris,

  That is something you could expect: once joining this forum, you got so much information .... and don't forget: you were thinking for yourself...

  Any how, you are a Jedi in a remarkable short time, I hope you enjoyed beeing here as much as we did ...

  

  congratulations and regards Branda
• 

  Liberty

  Hi Fairchild,

  Immerse yourself in the study of why you believe what you believe. Take University classes if possible on the real history of religion and the Bible. If classes are too expensive do more research yourself in the many great books available on these subjects. If you have the guilt to beat yourself up over your lack of belief then do something about it and find out if God is real and if the Bible is really His word. Ultimately, only you can convince yourself of what is "true" so make sure you can make an infomed choice.
• 

  Es

  heheh bringing your own bread to the memorial good on you!! es
• 

  AlmostAtheist

  Hey Chris,

  I gotta agree with AlanF, letting go of the deity concept was a very freeing experience for me. Whole other perspective. I'm not God's Holiest Creation, I'm just a fellow traveler with the trees and the squirrels, enjoying the ride while it lasts. I actually enjoy the rocks laughing at me and my pitifully short existence. (I can crush them with a hammer!)

  Am I happier? No, I'm not, and I actually miss going to the meetings.

  Have you tried some other churches? Don't feel like they are all wrong, JW's teach that but it's crap. The churches have as much a grip on God's Holey word as JW's ever have. They don't agree with JW's, or each other. But if you're experiencing a spiritual void, you might find a church that helps you fill it. Soured on Christianity altogether? They aren't the only show in town either, look around, be creative.

  Whatever it takes to be happy.

  Dave
• 

  swiftbreeze

  I actually felt a bigger void inside the org. Even though i don't pray too often now when i do pray i feel like i'm being heard. When i was in the org i never felt i was being heard nor did i feel any closer to God. i decided to just take it slow...i went to church and that didnt feel exactly right but there is a minister i listen to from time to time and i like his sermon he uses the bible and when he doesnt understand something he says that he doesnt understand it or he'll say that he's using his opinion and i can respect that.

  The thing that bothers me now is when i look back on my life and i see how ignorant i was. I must have hurt alot of people because i was so indifferent. Thats because as jw's everyone that isnt one is considered to be walking dead. so you don't take the time to get to know people, you turn down friendships and ignore your family. I'm just trying to learn how to feel and love... real love, not that phony crap we learned like, giving someone a track when someone dies. it's sad, I just learned that someone i know that is a jw mother died and they didnt give the woman a furneral because she wasnt a Jw.....be glad that you feel some emptiness, it's better than being full of lies and indifference.
• 

  fairchild

  Wow thank you all for taking the time to reply and for your kindness. I just got home from work and will be answering your replies shortly (gotta feed the cat first).