EXPERTS ONLY! A Pop Quiz on (current) Watchtower teaching

by TerryWalstrom 51 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • TerryWalstrom
    TerryWalstrom

    Pop Quiz on JW (current) Teaching

    1.       Was Jesus’ 2nd coming in 1914?

    2.        Is Jesus’ 2nd (parousia) presence the same thing as his ‘coming?’

    3.         Is the doctrine of the ‘faithful and discreet slave’ still regarded as a prophecy       instead of a parable?

    4.        Were the FDS appointed over ‘all His belongings’ in 1919?

    5.        Did the Gentile Times end in 1914, or is that yet to come at a future date?

    6.       Is the ‘great tribulation’ in the past, the present, or yet to come in the future?

    7.        Did Jesus die in order to save the ‘Great Crowd’?

    8.        If the Bible was only written for the anointed, why should non-anointed bother to read it?

    9.        Was Charles Taze Russell a member of the anointed 144,000? If so, since what date?

    _________________________

    I won't post the answers for several days. Why? I'm wondering who has been keeping up!



  • OneEyedJoe
    OneEyedJoe

    screw it, I'll take a go.

    1. No, that was the beginning of his presence.  He's magic, he can be somewhere without actually going there.

    2. No, see above.

    3. Whichever is most convenient at the time.  I think it's been called a parable most recently, but they still treat it as a prophecy, so you choose.

    4. Nope.  Jesus is present, but hasn't come.  Once he comes he'll do the appointing.

    5. I think that's still 1914.

    6. Yet to come

    7. Nope, they just get the fringe benefits of hanging out with the uber special anointed ones.

    8. You shouldn't!  don't you know that reading the bible is how you become an apostate!

    9. No clear stance that I'm aware of after the recent FDS changes, so by default he must still have been (that's a fun conjugation) anointed since they haven't spelled it out.  


    How'd I do?  Am I wasting enough of my life to have passed the quiz?


  • Simon
    Simon

    1.       Was Jesus’ 2nd coming in 1914?

    No, only his toe-nail had arrived at this time while he "tested the water" to check that it was not too hot, not too cold but just right.

    2.        Is Jesus’ 2nd (parousia) presence the same thing as his ‘coming?’

    Now, that is saved until the 3rd date.

    3.         Is the doctrine of the ‘faithful and discreet slave’ still regarded as a prophecy       instead of a parable?

    It's a parable of a prophecy.

    4.        Were the FDS appointed over ‘all His belongings’ in 1919?

    No, most of his belongings are still in his fathers basement other than those that were unfortunately sold on "Storage Wars" when somebody forgot to pay the bill.

    5.        Did the Gentile Times end in 1914, or is that yet to come at a future date?

    Most newspapers have declined since their heyday although the NY Times and the Financial Times are still going, I haven't seen a Gentile Times on the newsstand for many a year.

    6.       Is the ‘great tribulation’ in the past, the present, or yet to come in the future?

    We're in it now. Oh, it's terrible. The line-up at Tim Hortons was so bad it delayed me getting a yummy donut for several seconds. Oh when will our suffering end.

    7.        Did Jesus die in order to save the ‘Great Crowd’?

    He saves, he passes, he shoots, he scores!! Oh "die" ... I thought you said "dive".

    8.        If the Bible was only written for the anointed, why should non-anointed bother to read it?

    To be more skilled at harassing the people who take it seriously

    9.        Was Charles Taze Russell a member of the anointed 144,000? If so, since what date?

    He actually took up 3 of the spaces because he wanted to have both an isle seat and a window seat. He was just so anointed it is untrue - the holy spirit was so strong in him it could knock people down which is why they named the "Taze-er" after him.

  • TerryWalstrom
    TerryWalstrom

    You two should be writing for Comedy Central!  

    or the writing committee for the Watchtower!

  • FayeDunaway
    FayeDunaway
    Ok, the reason they don't much talk about doctrine anymore....they've tied themselves in knots and don't understand it themselves.
  • stuckinarut2
    stuckinarut2
    Awesome thread!
  • Hairtrigger
    Hairtrigger
    Hold on I'm at work to unravel this latest WT mystery!!
  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    1.       Was Jesus’ 2nd coming in 1914?

    He would have been too old by then to come twice especially since they hadn't invented Viagra yet.

    2.        Is Jesus’ 2nd (parousia) presence the same thing as his ‘coming?’

    No, although he was in deed present, there was no second coming, (see above)

    3.         Is the doctrine of the ‘faithful and discreet slave’ still regarded as a prophecy instead of a parable?

    It was a prophecy that was made into a mini-series called Roots starring Lavar Burton

    4.        Were the FDS appointed over ‘all His belongings’ in 1919?

    Yes they were and they were appointed over your belongings as well. 

    5.        Did the Gentile Times end in 1914, or is that yet to come at a future date?

    Yes, the Gentile Times  was bought-out  by the International Bible Students and was run into the ground. Eventually it resurfaced as The WATCHTOWER 

    6.       Is the ‘great tribulation’ in the past, the present, or yet to come in the future?

     Anyone who lived through the Bush years knows the answer to that one.

    7.        Did Jesus die in order to save the ‘Great Crowd’?

    No...because there was nothing that  great about them. 

    8.        If the Bible was only written for the anointed, why should non-anointed bother to read it ?

     The non-anointed read it just so they tell the Anointed what it's about in case someone asks them for advice.. 

    9.        Was Charles Taze Russell a member of the anointed 144,000? If so, since what date?

    Yes he was and so was his wife Maria . After she died and joined him up yonder, they took up where they had left off. The marital discord and the constant bickering over these many decades resulted in the two of  them being posthumously removed .

  • cofty
    cofty
    Like ^^^^
  • sowhatnow
    sowhatnow

    lol,

    my  72 yr old mom would say

    'Ask the elders',

    who happen to be half her age .... 

    how many of those would a 37 yr old 'elder' be able to explain.

    here are the answers id give if i was still going to those meetings and someone asked me...

    1.Im not sure

    2. I dont think so, Ill have to look that up

    3. yes i believe so

    4. I dont know

    5.I dont know

    6. I dont know maybe all three

    7.I hope so

    8.the bible was written for everyone , wasnt it?

    9.I dont know Ill look that up

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