I certainly have had my share of JW stupidity for the day ... and of my family's stupidity today. Two things happened ... both completely unrelated.
As a little background, I "faded" from the witnesses almost five years ago. I am not disfellowshipped. My family does not shun me anymore (they tried at first). In fact, I have a very good relationship with both my sisters ... my mother too, considering she is just plain nuts. My best relationship is with my sister, whose husband is an elder. My mother recently told me that my baptism when I was 10 years old is basically null and void since she knows my father talked me into it (thanks to my sister for telling her that!) and that she knows I probably did not dedicate myself to Jehovah in prayer (to which I certainly concurred!) So, this helps me understand why they seem to feel as comfortable as they do associating with me, and also why the elders have not "come after me". I am able to have cordial conversations with most of the other witnesses that I may run into. Some will not speak to me at all. But most of them, particularly that ones that associate with my family (even elders and their families) will be very polite if I see them.
BUT .........
This past week, a woman died that was the daughter of a "sister" in the congregation. I knew both of them very well, especially the surviving mother. In fact, she is my mother's roommate, so I still see her periodically. She is very self-righteous and I referred to her as "the church lady" even when I was a witness, but she is still polite to me when I see her, and she is still considered a close friend of my family. Even though I am not a witness anymore, I was still planning "sending my respects" just because it is the right thing to do. I try to take the stance of being the bigger person and doing the right thing, even they do not. It they do not recognize it or appreciate it, it makes them look even worse and shows the idiocy of their shunning policy for what it is.
I just found out that they are not having a funeral, but just a memorial service at the Kingdom Hall. I have decided not to go because of that. I could probably stomach it, but I choose not to, which my mother seems amazingly thrilled about. In fact, I told her that I would not be able to make it, but I will definitely send flowers and try to bring by some food and pay my respects then. Her response was that maybe I could come by Friday evening instead. She said that "the friends" would be coming over to visit after the memorial, so I should come by Friday instead. I am sorry, but that is just plain rude. I am not disfellowshipped, I have not done anything wrong, and if her and other witnesses (including her roommate) can associate with me and be polite, then they can assiociate with me and be polite in front of OTHER witnesses. I told her to just let me know what she would feel most comfortable with. Then, she back-peddles and tells that she thought I would feel uncomfortable. I told her it would not bother me either way. I would be dropping off food for the family and offering my condolenses.
I probably will do nothing more than send flowers. I do not think it would bother this woman, I really think it is just my mother, but I guess it is not the time to test out my theory. My mother has done this a few other times under different circumstances. I certainly do not agree with disfellowshipping or how they shun people, but by their own rules, I am not disfellowshipped. So, then why am I treated like a leper? And why only SOME of the time?
Another incident involving the witnesses also happened today that is very upsetting to me. This is becoming so long, I will save it for another post. Maybe in the private section.