When I started working at my current place of employment almost six years ago, I was still attending meetings. I became very good friends with another woman at the workplace. She was actually assigned to be my mentor and she was very much a mother figure (in fact, she is close in age to my own mother). After becoming friends, she confided in me that her ex-husband's mistress was supposedly a JW. She is a head strong catholic and her opinion of witnesses was bad, but is a lot worse now!
I insisted at the time, that this couldn't be true, and if it was then she wasn't a "real witness", whatever that means. She "caught" them thirteen years ago, and they are still together today. The girl was barely 18 or 19, and her ex was a lot older. She did not attend our congregation, but her family did. She lived in another state and came to visit periodically. At the very last memorial that I attended, I was very surprised to see my mentor's ex there with this girl and her family! For all I know, he may have attended before and gone unnoticed since I did not know about him or what he looked like prior to that.
I confided in my sister what I had found out and was asking if this girl (now in her early 30s) still professed to be a witness. My intent was not to get her in trouble at all. Like I said, I was still a witness at this time and I was really just having "girl talk" with my sister. She really thought (and I thought) that she must not be baptised and if she was, she was no longer active. It was none of our business anyway.
I should add here that my sister's husband is an elder and has been for many years. My sister and my mother has about as much respect for the elder position as I do, even though they are still witnesses. The only difference is they may have little respect for them, whereas I have none. My dad was an elder, a crooked one at that, and his abuse was enabled by the other crooked elders. Our anger and disrespect is justified. When my brother-in-law was appointed an elder, we were all against it. His own wife did not want him to become one. This was many years before I left, and I cried at the meeting the night they announced his appointment because even now, other than being an elder, he is a great person. He assured all of us that he would be a fair elder and would not become hard hearted and crooked, like so many others we have seen.
You might think my little conversation with my sister about this supposed witness having an affair might have caused a problem since my brother-in-law was an elder. It didn't. If he did feel like she should be "in trouble" he certainly did not act on them. We have talked about the situation periodically over the past five years. Their relationship is ongoing, and I am still very good friends with my mentor, who was cheated on.
Now fast forward to today. I had to leave unusually early this morning for work. When I got home this evening, my brother-in-law had left four messages on my answering machine this morning trying to get a hold of me before I went to work. He said he wanted my help with something and to please give him a call THIS MORNING before I leave for work. He said it would only take a couple minutes. I did not see this as unusual. He has done this before wanting my help with something on the computer, wanting me to babysit the girls, or wanting me to help him conspire on something to surprise my sister with. (Like I said, he is a great guy, other than being an elder.) So, I called him back.
The reason for the urgency this morning is because he had a meeting planned with another elder to discuss "this situation". Basically, he was pumping me for information! Can you believe it? She still lives in another a state, but has been down here a lot recently because her mother (a sister in their congregation) is very sick and has been in the hospital. He said "the situation has come up" and they were "trying to find out some information so they could help her". Oh Puleeeese! He assured me that they were not wanting to "call me as a witness or anything". Oh lucky me! I told him that I was not a witness to anything and I know nothing. He wanted to know if my friend had walked in on them and where it happened. I said that I do not know and that IT WAS THIRTEEN YEARS AGO! He asked me if they were still together. I told him that I did not know (but I know they are).
I could tell that he felt very uncomfortable asking me this. I told him I have nothing to contribute to this situation. He said, "Well I can tell you feel uncomfortable with me asking you all this, and I am sorry to put you on the spot." I told him that I was indeed uncomfortable and I do not want any part in it. I told him, "Yes, what she did was wrong, but it was many years ago, and disfellowhipping helps no one." He said that it may not turn out like that, but they were wanting to "help" her. I told him that he knew good and well that she is very likely to get disfellowshipped if they pursue it. I told him it is wrong and never, ever helps a person. On top of that, I told him that investigating this "situation" in the middle of their family crisis when the mother is in the hospital was in poor taste, to say the least. He again apologized and said for me to please understand ... he is in a bad position. I said, "Yes. You are in bad position by your own choosing."
About 10 minutes later, he calls back to apologize a second time. Evidently, after he hung up from talking to me, my sister hit the roof! (I am so proud of her!) She chewed him out royally for calling me. To tell you the truth, I have not talked to her and am not sure if she is upset because of him pumping me for information or because of this very obvious witch hunt he is participating in. My brother-in-law said that she was so mad, she drove off in the car crying. About 30 minutes later, he called me again and apologized a THIRD time! He was also looking for my sister who was still gone and he could not get a hold of. He thought maybe she had come over here. I told him that knowing my sister, she just went to Wal-Mart and would be back soon. (And I was right.)
Then later on in the evening, I got a call from my mother. I already posted on our little conversation in the Friends section (here). Well, she called back a second time to apologize for her conversation earlier and to tell me that she just heard what happened between me and my brother-in-law. She was upset about him doing this, also.
I learned some surprising and comforting things from her. Comforting, in the sense that my mother and sister are seeing the same bullshit and calling it just that. First, she told me that the reason he was pumping me for information is because HE was being pumped for information. Something else, and I do not know what, has precipitated the elders little witch hunt, and then my brother-in-law opened his big mouth. My mother told me that my sister is very frustrated with him being an elder because of the things he has to do and she wants him to step down. She said that "there has been a lot happening lately that has caused to be involved in the worst of being an elder". I told her that he called and apologized THREE times and said he was in a bad position. My mother agrees. Being an elder is the worst position anyone can be in. For his sake and his family's, I hope he steps down soon. I am afraid that he will not. I am afraid he is heading toward the direction of being the kind of elder he promised us he would never become. I just hope he gets out of it before he hardens his heart or is overcome with guilt for his actions as an elder.
I am also wondering if there is currently a wave of "witch hunts" happening in the local congregations here that seem to happen every so often in the organization. Perhaps I better watch my back! (I really don't care what they do to me ... but they will hurt my family in the process.)