I was raised to be a good little pioneer girl. Pioneered for several years even though I hated field service. I married a fellow pioneer when I was 21. When I was 25 my mother died and I think that I used her death as a way to distance myself from the congregation. I have felt for years that if love was the identifying mark of the true religion than, JWs weren't blessed in any way. I feel like I've come out of a fog.