Ads We'd Like To See If Watchtower Publications Allowed Advertising

by Stephanus 14 Replies latest social humour

  • Stephanus

    Paradise Acres Condominiums

    Startling views guaranteed: majestic pine fringed mountains with waterfalls, men working hard in the fields, women picking flowers and children frolicking with wild beasts. Only baptised publishers with up to date field service records and those who are good association will ever be allowed to partake of this offer - call now! (The time is short)

  • stevenyc

    For Sale: One old light for sale, one previous owner, only 80 years old.

    Wanted: New light, must be bright enough for gullible followers only.


  • Stephanus

    Fractional Black Puddings

    Not made with whole blood!*

    *may contain Hemopure

  • loosie

    Having trouble with your hormonal teenager daughter?

    Is she lusting after teenage brothers?

    Then send her to the farm. 2 weeks at our farm and she'll learn how to behave like a proper lady by watching our cows.

    Just call us No Horny Cows Here Ranch at 1 800 BIG OVUM

  • Stephanus
    No Horny Cows Here Ranch at 1 800 BIG OVUM

    LOL - I can see you've been paying attention to today's text!

    Sick of beer that comes in those whimpy cans - hardly enough to whet the thirst of a true drinking man?

    Try new Judge Rutherflood Brew - comes in convenient quart sized cans!

    Order a case today!

    Imported from Canada, in discreetly disguised cartons purporting to contain religious material.

  • eljefe

    I would like to see personals in the WT. "Eccentric elderly man seeks sister in her 20s."

    Or condoms "Trojan condoms, keeping pioneers pioneering since 1890".

    Or alcohol "Johnny Walker helps you escape the drudgery of your JW existence and makes the meetings go by quicker!"

  • Stephanus

    Jim Beam, making meetings interesting and pioneer sisters attractive for over a hundred years.

  • Dan-O

    Try Charmin ... it's much softer than that stack of magazines you picked up at the literature counter.

  • observador


    The most powerful bible-based medicine against... masturbation.
    Yes, you've heard it right.

    One single pill a day and those evil thoughts go away.
    You have the option of REGULAR and MAX STRENGTH, especiallly useful for taking just before the meetings.

    But wait! If you call now, we'll send you this beautifully handmade case ideal for field service, totally free! Don't miss out on this wonderful opportunity to pave your way to the paradise earth. Call now!

  • HappyDad


    We have the largest selection of 4 door automobiles in the world. All vehicles have been refitted with heavy duty suspension so you can overload the back seat with your fellow dubs on field service days.

    We also have the finest service department anywhere. For every $100.00 spent on repairs and maintenance, you get a coupon good for 5 hours on your monthly field service report.

    Drive it in, push it in or tow it in. We will give you a good price for your worn out trade-in. And then we will send it off to our brothers in the underdeveloped third world countries.

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