Hi,
I had to stop crying so I could write this and if you saw me you wouldn't think I would be the type to cry! I am a 35 year old man from Western Australia....I should be tough....or so they say. I have never posted anything before so excuse my fractured writing. My head is spinning and I am overwhelmed that there are so many like me out there! I was born a JW and left at 15. My two half brothers are still witnesses and so is Mum. I was brought up in Perth until I was nine, then because my JW step-father nearly murdered my Mum, we left to a country town. Of course my step-father never admitted doing anything wrong...in fact Mum was counselled by the Elders to go back! She didn't and bless her heart, raised us three boys on her own. Life in the country town was hard as a JW 'cos there was only 5000 ppl so everyone new I was one. I kicked off from a young age 'cos I wanted to be accepted by my schoolfriends. I never went away to camp, was never allowed to play football (I did tho), go to birthday parties...u know the score..it was so hard to lead this almost double life 'cos to survive in the town, I had to have friends but I also had to go to meetings and study. I was always in trouble with the Elders 'cos one of the other JW boys my age used to grass me up! My poor Mum used to get dragged into the study room and told to get me in line and I would then kick off more! My Mum never got divorced from my step-father 'cos in the eyes of the 'truth' he had never committed adultery or anything for grounds to divorce. He died two years ago....which released my mum from his evil grip. At 20 I told my mum he abused me, i went into counselling and got my head round it. he never touched 'his boys' as he used to call them. he used to take great pleasure in waiting until i was in the bath, drag me out wet and dripping and beat me with a belt...using the belt buckle end on me 'cos it did more damage. i am sorry if i am not making much sense but i am just writing as i am thinking.
Please tell me that there are other ppl out there that feel mixed up with it all? I wonder if some decisions i make are still influenced by the JW teachings? Like I still won't have another bible in the house or if i go to a wedding, i am hesitant (only for a second or two) to enter a church? It is only now that I am starting to realise that those years had much more of an affect than i thought. I am happily married (10years) and have a beautiful six year old boy. My wife knows absolutley everything that happened. She has been brilliant with support. I think it's because that i have got older that i am noticing more and so is my wife that sometimes my reactions to certain situations or circumstances are slightly off centre and when we talk about it we realise it goes back to when I was a JW.
I lead a very happy and fun life but I need to answer questions that are starting to surface now. It's the weirdest way I have ended up here. I work as a Business Analyst for a Bank and when I started I had to ring the Helpdesk about an issue. The girl who answered gave me her name and i thought i recognized it. when i asked her, we both realised we knew each other from the small town and from the congregation! we promptly caught up for lunch and talked and talked. it is great to have seen her again. she left the 'truth' as well so we swapped 'war' stories. a couple of weeks ago she left the helpdesk and started on the project i am working on now we sit two down from each other. she told me of this expose of a former witness and she brought it in today. i read it earlier tonight and i have been feverishly searching the internet for more info and here i am! how is that? i could have done this research ages ago but it took me to read that article and it just blew me away to think someone actually challenged the 'truth'!!!!!!
What a breath of fresh air it was and so is all the other info i have found. i am sorry if i have gone on a bit too much but i would like to say 'thank you' for listening.
Neil from Western Australia