My father will lose his privileges if he attends my sister's wedding

by Goldminer 49 Replies latest jw friends

  • jschwehm

    When I was a JW, a friend of mine named Bill got a divorce from his wife. The elders considered it a scriptural divorce so he was free to marry. He started dating the "worldly" sister of this JW lady. This "worldly" sister started studying and was making some progress but they decided they should get married without delay. (I guess for obvious reasons.)

    The elders would not marry them and they could not use the Kingdom Hall. So, they got a Justice of the Peace and began sending out invitations to people at the Hall for the wedding.

    The wedding was scheduled for a Saturday evening. The Thursday evening before the Wedding...the elders in our hall gave a local needs talk where they instructed people NOT TO ATTEND THE WEDDING ON SATURDAY.

    I was ticked. Because I felt like these people were trying to do the right thing and this lady was interested in becoming a JW and they were trying to get married so as to avoid sin and this was the way the congregation was told to "support" them. It made no sense.

    Jeff S.

  • Honesty
    Gary's right, of course. Perhaps you could take a leaf out of his "shunning the shunners" book and you and your sister threaten to "dis-fellowship" Dad if he is stupid/callous enough to listen to the advice of the "cheese-cracker men".

    Why stop with Dad, dis-fellowship the whole crazy religion.

  • Cygnus

    When my littlest brother (JW) got married at a Kingdom Hall to a JW girl, I went to the KH wedding even though I was DF'd and had hair halfway down my back. After the ceremony and before pictures the "ushers" tried to get us to leave and I said, "we're family, bozos, we're staying for pictures."

    I've been lucky that none of my JW family shuns me, and my JW brother who knows I'm DF'd was happy to have me at his wedding. I feel so bad for the people who JWs get to run every aspect of their lives, even the most intimate. I haven't had these experiences (other than the elders tellling my then-JW wife to avoid me at every opportunity while we were married and encouraging her to move out and leave me) but that turned out to be a blessing in disguise. JWs sure have some twisted ideas on family affairs and I'm lucky I've been spared all this time.

  • loosie

    Grace: that is so sad. I can't believe how much tunnel vision a person can have.

    I think I thought of a solution while doing the dishes. Theocratic warfare. Her dad should simply not tell them he went to the wedding. If they ask him if he went to the wedding he should say why no of course not.

    what is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

  • cyber-sista

    Yes, it is true--it is a rule--an unwritten one. My non-JW daughter was marrying a non-JW man and all in the congo were told they would lose their privleges if they attended (because I had raised her around the "truth" even though my husband was not a witness.) The elders would not allow their wives to attend even though one of them protested, but she still didn't go. I talked to the C.O and he told me it was a rule and some elders in a nearby congo had lost their "privledges"because of attending such a wediding. I talked with other JWs out of state and they knew of this rule also--it is now being enforced far and wide. Even though i didn't have any "privledges in the congo I was told that it would be a good witness to the community if i did not attend (Yah, right--a witness to what a nut case I was) One elder told me that if I did attend it would only be as and "observer" and I should not show my approval in any way (He likened it to putting your hand on your heart during the flag salute.) Anyway, I just about had a breakdown over all of this, but the good thing was my eyes were opened wide to the truth about the WT Org. Still pisses me off to think of the torture they put my family through over the joyous occasion of my daughter's marriage. I did attend by the way--I wouldn't have missed it for the world (I even participated in the toast)


    PS izz2cool

    What can they possibly hope to accomplish by this? Will it stop the wedding from taking place? NO! The only other purpose it could possibly serve is to deliberately put a breech in the family.

    I asked on elder was they were expecting to accomplish with all of this and he actually said to me point blank "This is the kind of sword that divides families."

  • love11

    Doesn't it seem so unreal!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I can't believe they have the nerve to say that to anyone, let alone have it sent in a letter to all of the congregation elders.

    It's really too bad, but if he is willing to let this organization control his life like that, then there is nothing you can do about it. However, there may be hope for him after all. If missing his own daughters wedding upsets him enough, he may just say the He** with them and decide to leave this religion publishing company.

  • EvilForce

    Wedding Bands = pagan, but ok
    Toasts = pagan, but bad
    Throwing rice = pagan but bad
    Just Married Can Behind Vehicle (used to be horse carriage) = pagan, but ok

    As of my ex's said...the JW's are one of the cruelest religions he's ever laid eyes on. Mentally cruel. Emotionally cruel. Spiritually cruel.

  • bebu
    It is good to bear in mind that our time is precious, since we need time for our ministry, personal study, and other family and congregational pursuits. (Ephesians 5:15, 16) On weekends, we have meetings and field service that we do not want to miss. (Hebrews 10:24, 25) The timing of many weddings conflicts with assemblies or special service efforts linked to the Lord?s Evening Meal. We should not permit ourselves to become distracted from making the same special efforts that our brothers around the world are making to attend the Lord?s Evening Meal. Before coming to a knowledge of the truth, we spent much time with worldly people, perhaps in circumstances that dishonored God. (1 Peter 4:3, 4) Now our priorities are different. It is always possible to wish a worldly couple well by sending a card or dropping in for a brief visit on another day. Some have used such occasions to give a witness, sharing some scriptures that are fitting for newlyweds.

    Good God...!

    Think of how it should have gone:

    It is good to bear in mind that our family and friends are precious, and as they are the focus of our ministry, prayers and congregational outreach we should feel free to show our love to them on their special days. On weekends, we have meetings and field service which we do not want to miss, but weddings are a significant event in the life of the people we care about, and it is appropriate to attend if we wish, and especially if we have a cherished relationship. Jesus set an example by attending a wedding, not merely sending a card, even though certainly his time and ministry were very important. It is encouraging to note that Jesus' first miracle was at a wedding, where he intervened to save the couple from embarassment on their happy day by turning water into wine. Jesus cared about being a blessing and was able to minister in every situation. So can we.

    You know, I wonder if an unsuspecting JW read the above, believing it was from the WT, whether something would click in the listener. That is, that they might think, "Yes! That's right!", smile, and then go do what they know is at heart a 'mitzvah' (good deed). ...And then, when finding out the real WT quotes, have a better chance of recognizing it as a bunch of pharisaical crap.

    I suggest your sister tells your father exactly how she feels about this situation, tell him to stop acting like a scared child, and be a real father to her. If he can't be a real father for her, and be happy for her, then that's on his conscience. Tell him to stop blaming the elders for putting him in such a compromising permission, and take responsibility for himself. He chooses to be a jw afterall. grrrrrrrr, it makes me so mad. Bloody adults behaving like lost children, so mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Frog, very well said! 'Mature' adults need a good kick in the pants sometimes, and to start taking responsibility for their own actions.


  • AuntieJane

    How many have been harmed by such tactics?? " TRUE Christians should...must..." give me a BREAK! At my only brother's funeral, his two JW adult kids observed their own father's funeral while the True Christians joined in a beautiful celebration of his life.

    "Love One Another as I have Loved You." It IS hard to follow this rule in these situations.

    AuntieJ (speaking as a True Christian, not a JW...puhleeze!)

  • Odrade

    Here's a good one... a few years back, my husband's cousin (unbaptized sis) got married in a private ceremony to a JW guy. (No, she wasn't pregnant, she was just young.) Six months or so later, they finally got around to planning the reception. Now mind you, these kids are already married for six months and regularly attending the local Hall with the rest of the family, as well as being active in the ministry.

    So... Thursday night before the reception that they and the family put their blood sweat and tears into (as well as travelled long distances to attend,) what do you think happened? Yup, "any servant who attends this reception will be viewed as celebrating an unevenly yoked marriage and will be removed." So, most of the young man's friends and I think all of his family stayed away.

    Sadly, this young couple took it as "only what they deserved," and the wife has since progressed to baptism into the WT organization and full activity. Although for me, it was pretty much one of the last few straws. Disgusting petty and vindictive behaviour on the part of the elders. CathyL, I'm with you. Just wish the cousin was as smart as Brooke!


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