My father will lose his privileges if he attends my sister's wedding

by Goldminer 49 Replies latest jw friends

  • iiz2cool

    What can they possibly hope to accomplish by this? Will it stop the wedding from taking place? NO! The only other purpose it could possibly serve is to deliberately put a breech in the family. I think the watchtower wants families to be shattered. People without families might be more reluctant to leave the cult, because they have nothing else.

    My dad e-mailed me a month or so ago to say that my pioneer sister is getting married this summer and I am NOT invited. In fact, I dont know her address or where the wedding is going to be. He wouldn't even tell me who she is marrying!

    Since you're not invited to the wedding, and not even allowed to know who she's marrying, what was his purpose in bringing up the subject at all? He wanted to remind you that you're being shunned. He wanted to rub your face in it.

    I'd love to kick his bloody teeth out.


  • blondie

    I would like to say the elders have that kind of power, but they are influenced by the CO, DO, and headquarters. Even if a body of elders goes against an unwritten rule, most times all of them are punished, removed in some cases. Eventually an uncooperative elder is 'rewarded' for not playing the WT game. I have seem elders with 50 years as an elder removed because they stopping playing the game. The WTS makes the rules, sends the letters to the BOEs and the COs and the elders that are company men make sure that they are followed.

    Some elders will use these rules for their own nasty purposes.

    Who would you appeal to if the WTS makes the rules and the COs and DOs enforce them?

    Unless an elder has some influence through money or knowing where the bodies are buried, they have to knuckled down and obey. If they could kick out Ray Franz, Ed Dunlap, and others, what chance do mere elders have?

    I have seen 5 elders in the last 2 years removed, ones that had 30 to 50 years experience as elders, faithful, loving men who stood up for what is right. They were taken off at the knees.


  • HadEnuf

    When my son married a wonderful girl, raised as a JW, unbaptized publisher, working towards baptism...ALL elders & MS's were told NOT to attend the wedding because they would lose their "privileges" because he was marrying "out of the Lord". In other words; though she was raised a JW and preached regularly and attended meetings she was considered really just like a "worldly" person, or an "unbeliever". ( can put in all those hours of going door to door and the WT counts the hours but you're an "unbeliever" unless you're baptized).

    Of course they took it one step further and "marked" my son, WITHOUT WARNING, for marrying this girl and told two congregations also that they shouldn't attend such a wedding. (This just 2 nites before the wedding at our cong. and then 4 nites at the other cong. sharing our KH). So kind, so loving, SO HEINOUS!!!

    That girl that they turned against is now my beloved and greatly admired daughter-in-law, whyamihere/Brooke. My son and this beautiful woman have been married over 5 years...have a wonderful relationship and have been married longer than some other couples wed at a KH with full attendance by all elders & MS's and have split up already. Even one case where the girl was already PG at the wedding. Divorced couples. OH NO...the steam is coming out of my ears...better go.

    I know this doesn't exactly "match" what you were after for an answer...but just an experience to show how far they will go to stick to the Watchtower (not the Bible) rules.

    Cathy L.

  • Dismembered

    Cathy L.


  • Krystal

    Luke 12:51-53:

    "Do you imagine I came to give peace on the earth? No, indeed, I tell you but rather division. For from now on there will be five in one house divided, three against two and two against three. They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother...."

  • yelloeteady

    Several years ago, in my congregation in California I remembered two similiar events. One was an elder who attended his baptized son's wedding with a unbaptized girl. He was removed removed from his elder position. Another incident is a ministerial servant, and he was also removed from his ministerial servant position. These just highlights the extreme hypocricy in the organization. Why can the society join DPI as an NGO and no disciplinary action was ever taken, and smaller matters such as attending a non JW wedding would get the brothers in to more trouble.... It is unimaginable!!!!

  • willyloman

    I don't doubt these stories one bit, but I have to point out that this "guideline" (as in, "It's more of a guideline than a rule") about elders not attending such marriages is not universally enforced.

    I know of an elder who 'conducted' the wedding of his niece and her wordly bf, neither of whom was a JW, in front of his extended wordly family (the elder and his family were the only dubs there). The wedding was held in a private home, and the elder rationalized that since it wasn't in a church it was a conscience matter. His family wasn't religious figured "he's a minister, why don't we ask him?"

    Other elders were pretty pissed and read him the riot act later, but no official action was taken against him because he cited WT articles such as those posted above in this thread, and muddled the issue sufficiently that they just dropped it. However, he took flack over it for years afterwards.

    I know several elders who attended "wordly" weddings (and other occasions, such as funerals) where family was involved. Nothing happened to their standing in the congo. On the other hand, a lot of elders wouldn't touch any of those events with a 10 foot pole and they'd feel justified in their actions, thanks to the WTS' writing on the subject.But all in all, it was always one of those grey areas... at least through 2003 (I disappeared from the KH 18 months ago). Perhaps the incidents outlined here were more recent than that, although it sounds to me like its geographical: OK in some congos, not so much in others.

    Anybody else see this where they live?

  • Frog

    This happened to one of my closest friends that I grew up with. She rang her parents to let them know last year that her boyfriend of 4 years had proposed and they were planning to get married the following year. She had been disfellowshipped at 20y/o and her family had kept in reasonable contact with her since then. Her father was extatic for her and congratulated her, her mother (a very humble jw woman) was of course not so pleased. During the week that followed the elders came to speak with the mother as they had heard of the news, to tell her that she was not permitted to attend her daughters wedding, as if she did she would likey face a judicial committee...the strange thing is they can never tell you for certain either way, until you've actually done the "wrong" thing....anyways, the mother rang the daughter 1 week later to tell her that she would not be able to attend the wedding. The mother hadn't even spoken to her witness husband about it before making the call. The father told the daughter that nothing would keep him away from his daughters wedding. The crazy thing is that her father has always been a little rebellious and seems to get away with these things they just say "that's Ron for ya". That cold hearted phonecall really broke my friends heart, and she has decided to put off the wedding until a future time.

    I suggest your sister tells your father exactly how she feels about this situation, tell him to stop acting like a scared child, and be a real father to her. If he can't be a real father for her, and be happy for her, then that's on his conscience. Tell him to stop blaming the elders for putting him in such a compromising permission, and take responsibility for himself. He chooses to be a jw afterall. grrrrrrrr, it makes me so mad. Bloody adults behaving like lost children, so mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    My sister was disfellowshipped at the time of my eldest sisters wedding, she never stopped attending meetings, and returned within 8months...however at the time of the wedding she was allowed to attend the ceremony at the KH only, we were told to lie to all our extended family members and tell them that she turned terribly sick between the ceremony and the reception and therefore couldn't attend!! I want to vommit when I think of that now. The witnesses know that this shunning at such a special occassion isn't acceptable, and they know that reasonable loving people who aren't JW's would never comprehend how they could behave in such a way, so therefore they have to hide it from him. I suggest your sister exposes the truth about the "truth" to all her non-witness family and friends, afterall she had nothing to hide, it is her fathers faith that keeps him from attending her very important day (I'm assuming that your sisters is no longer as heavily involved??).

    All the best to her, she needs your support, she'll never forget that you were there for her. Let us know how it all goes:-)

  • greendawn

    How obsessed these JWs are with purity.... or how we see here another example of cultic manipulation a father controlled by feelings of fear and guilt inspired by the WTS, that programing in of fears: you will lose your position as an elder never mind your salvation for disobeying the FDS. Why not put something in the local paper regarding this so that people will know what this sect's teachings and leadership are all about.

  • Grace

    I was kicked out of my step-daughter's wedding last May. I raised her from when she was ten to adulthood. I supported her financially entirely on my own because her non-working birth mother was a pioneer (and refused to see her on a regular basis during her teenage years). In fact, I saved the girl's life because she was anorexic when she came to live with me (her mother had refused to accept any responsibility for her birth whatsoever). Really, the girl was in the hospital having surgery for anorexic complications when I took her into my home. My JW husband? He just drank, and drank, and drank. Still does.

    So, last May the 23-year-old girl gets married for the third time (in my opinion, she'll always be looking for the love she didn't receive, that which can only come from her pioneer mother - you know, the highly conditional kind). But she married a Witness this time, and I was kicked out of the wedding. I am completely shunned. Not having children of my own, this girl would have received everything I have.

    This happened on a Saturday. On Monday I changed my will and the directions are, upon my death, everything is to be liquidated and given to charity. Poor girl ... she'll never know what could have been hers!

    Grace to you.

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