Do you think a 7 and 9 year old kid should have a cell phone?

by Eyebrow2 21 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Eyebrow2

  Okay...so many of you know that I have two stepdaughters....great kids, 7 and 9. Currently they are living with us.

  Now, when they, or one of them is with their mom, it is like pulling teeth to get her to answer the phone or call back when we leave a message to talk to the girls. There was one period of time that my husband went almost 10 months without getting to talk to his oldest daughter when she was with her mom. Then, there was a time when the girls mother went like 3 or 4 months without ever calling us to talk to the younger one when we had just her for a while. We normally would have to call her.

  We let the girls call their mom any time they want, no problem. They just don't ask too much, its not that they don't love their mom and want to talk to her, but they are little kids. They don't think about it that much. But if it has been a while since their mom has called, I will say, hey let's give her a call. Lots of times when their mom does call it is after their bedtime. I have gotten them up if they are awake...but this honestly is not a case of her not being able to call before bedtime. She takes smoke breaks at work, and she could use that time to call them.

  Anyhoo...their mom bought them a cell phone. She told them now they could call any time they wanted too. She even told them to take it to school. She has them 24 hours every two weeks because of her work schedule. (she only has one weekend day off every two weeks). My husband told her they could not take it to school...it is against the rules after all. And he also told her, look, any time they ask they get to call. Why don't you pick up the phone and call them more often? But she says she wants them to call when they WANT to call. She doesn't seem to get that they are LITTLE GIRLS!!!

  Already they have lost the phone once, almost broke it by leaving it on the floor. They have spoken to her once in the last few days that they have had it...but I had them try like three times Tuesday after noon and no answer. I told my husband that I would do what I could to remind them to put it away and charge it and all that, but if they lose it, tough.

  I personally think this is pretty stupid. We have 4 phone lines...2 cell, 1 home and 1 business line. Their mon has all 4 lines...the cell phones she can call for free from her cell if that is an issue.

  Am I being overly critical? I don't say any of this in front of the girls, of course. I just think it is wrong for her to place the responsibility for keeping in touch with her girls ON HER GIRLS. She used to not even call us to say when she wanted the kids any more...but email the 9 year old and leave it up to her to tell me. By the way I programmed all our numbers into the kids phone too...I don't think she would be too pleased with that...but what the hell, if she is going to give it to them I am going to make sure they have all the numbers if they want to call us on the fly when they are with her..especially if she won't answer our call.
• 

  bebu

  Hmmmm. I can see where it's aggravating since she isn't making any effort to help them remember to call.

  But if she's paying for the phones, and is crazy enough to trust 2 little kids with not losing them(!), she's going to have some expensive lessons, I think, before she finds it's cheaper to just help them to remember!

  In the meantime, maybe you could give your girls some wristwatches with alarms set to go off at a certain time, to remind them to call you... ? (Hopefully, they won't lose the watches!)

  BTW, none of my family has a cell phone. We're stubborn, I guess.

  bebu
• 

  Eyebrow2

  bebu that is a good idea...they have lost several watches though hahah...but what I could do is set the alarm on my cell phone for a few times a week to remind them. I usually have that with me all the time, since I use it for time instead of a watch.

  or maybe I should just have them call her every morning before they go to school. I know she is home...and I know she is sleeping. MUAHAHAH

  naw...that would be wrong.
• 

  mamochan13

  No, they are WAY too young. Its not just the responsibility aspect. Cell phones create very independent children - their friends don't call on the land line, you don't know where they are when you call them...7 and 9 are too young for that kind of independence.

  But cell phones seem to be the least of the problem here. I don't envy you, Eyebrow - I had to deal with a difficult mother when I was bringing up her child (me the stepmother), and it was a nightmare. I don't like what this woman is doing to you - but you didn't ask for advice on that aspect, so I won't give it!
• 

  Eyebrow2

  yes, I have to admit that is what bothers me the most. I don't even let my son have a phone line in his room...and he is 14.

  I also told them they are not allowed to use the phone unless they tell me or their dad they want to make a call first. That way they won't be calling right as they are getting in bed (too delay going to bed...they have already tried that hahah.. I told them if they want to call to say good night they need to do it 20 minutes before the little one goes to bed so they both get a little time to say goodnight) I know she will flip when she hears THAT...but it is our house OUR rules. I told them that way I can make sure that they are keeping track of the phone and charging it...all excuses of course. They can call their mom anytime..and I don't ease drop when they don't but I do want to know when they call anyone. I feel that is part of my job of keeping an eye on them. (and probably the little control freak in my, I admit)

  I am asked my husband why she is so hell bent on making they call only when THEY think of it. He answered because she really is only 13 herself hahah. Unfortunately, she tries to be more like a big sister than a mom most of the time. Almost every time they come back for a visit, the 7 year old is grouchy for two days...partly because she won't meet us to pick them up until 9 or 10 at night WAY past their bedtimes.

  by the way, mamo...ANY advice you have for dealing with the mom or being a stepmom is appreciated...I have been their step mom for 6 years, but we have only lived close to their mom for about 6 months, so things are a bit different now,
• 

  Country_Woman

  I don't envy you.

  and to answer the question: No.

  I wish you lots of strenght....

  Branda
• 

  Golf

  The answer is NO! Children need to be taught personal responsibility.
  
  
  Golf
• 

  El blanko

  Nope - in fact, most adults shouldn't have them either !
• 

  Eyebrow2

  i might add she was also perturbed that we wouldn't set up Yahoo or MSN or AOL or any other instant messenging program on the kids computer. She wanted to do most of her communication with them that way at first, and we said...NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
• 

  Crumpet

  Well my step daughter is 9 and she has a mobile phone when she is with us. Her mother doesn't know about it I don't think although the little girl is free to tell her. She is not permitted to use it for telephone calls (except for emergencies) because of the ongoing invesitigations into links between brain damage amongst children using cell phones. She is allowed to use it to text us when she is playing outside the house and wants to bring friends in or go to a neighbour's house.

  It is for her safety and for fun but not something she has permanently.