I wanted to give everyone an update on the current state of my slow fade. I live in an environment that is hostile to the slow fade so I usually speak in general terms. This time I plan to give just a little bit more information so I can heal myself as I go through this process.
I have doubted for several years (about 3). Well, I should say I doubted for a couple years and over the past year I have proven to myself beyond a shadow of a doubt that the witnesses are mistaken. I feel very confident that although most witnesses are good honest hearted people they do not have the "truth". I've never felt so mentally free. I can read, study, view and learn about any subject I want. I don't feel guilty that I haven't read the latest publications, WT and AW and so on.
However, as many of you know this can be a very dangerous time. Dangerous because of my living situation. My family are all dubs and will freak out when I finally complete my fade. It won't matter why I've faded or whether or not I'm DF/DA'd. All that will matter is that I'm not a spiritual man any longer. I've come to realize that my KH friends are conditional and will drop me like a hot potato. I've made new friends, quietly, with others not in the truth to keep myself sane during the transition.
I say all of this because this week it will be announced that I will no longer be serving as an elder. That's right. It took was a very very long, slow and difficult process to accomplish this while raising very few eyebrows. It's not as easy (depending on your elder body) to say "I'm sick" or "I'm depressed" or "I'm stressed" and to stop being an elder. Being a male and being on the body goes hand in hand to most witnesses. Especially fellow elders. Typically, if they like you, they will try many many avenues and cut much slack in order to maintain a brother as an elder. I've worked harder at stopping being an elder than I did to get appointed. I don't feel a weight lifted off my shoulders yet, but I hope on Thursday night I will go home with some inner peace that one more step in the process has been put behind me. Of course, that inner peace will be inside because they'll be hell to pay in the family home.