Slow Fade Progresses

by TheListener 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • TheListener

    I wanted to give everyone an update on the current state of my slow fade. I live in an environment that is hostile to the slow fade so I usually speak in general terms. This time I plan to give just a little bit more information so I can heal myself as I go through this process.

    I have doubted for several years (about 3). Well, I should say I doubted for a couple years and over the past year I have proven to myself beyond a shadow of a doubt that the witnesses are mistaken. I feel very confident that although most witnesses are good honest hearted people they do not have the "truth". I've never felt so mentally free. I can read, study, view and learn about any subject I want. I don't feel guilty that I haven't read the latest publications, WT and AW and so on.

    However, as many of you know this can be a very dangerous time. Dangerous because of my living situation. My family are all dubs and will freak out when I finally complete my fade. It won't matter why I've faded or whether or not I'm DF/DA'd. All that will matter is that I'm not a spiritual man any longer. I've come to realize that my KH friends are conditional and will drop me like a hot potato. I've made new friends, quietly, with others not in the truth to keep myself sane during the transition.

    I say all of this because this week it will be announced that I will no longer be serving as an elder. That's right. It took was a very very long, slow and difficult process to accomplish this while raising very few eyebrows. It's not as easy (depending on your elder body) to say "I'm sick" or "I'm depressed" or "I'm stressed" and to stop being an elder. Being a male and being on the body goes hand in hand to most witnesses. Especially fellow elders. Typically, if they like you, they will try many many avenues and cut much slack in order to maintain a brother as an elder. I've worked harder at stopping being an elder than I did to get appointed. I don't feel a weight lifted off my shoulders yet, but I hope on Thursday night I will go home with some inner peace that one more step in the process has been put behind me. Of course, that inner peace will be inside because they'll be hell to pay in the family home.

  • minimus

    Does your family know of the announcement?? I hope so!!! CONTINUE MAKING "WORLDLY" FRIENDS. You will need them.

  • Sparkplug
    Thursday night I will go home with some inner peace

    I always wondered if elders had a hard time sleeping at night......kind of strange to get an answer. What are the percentages IYO as to how many elders have a hard time with the concience? If you don't mind me asking.

  • TheListener


    Yes the family knows and doesn't much care for it. When I first told them that I wanted to step aside they were pissed. They slowly accepted it. Now the bigger hurdle. Announcing it to the cong. If my guess is correct, they'll be pissed but slowly accept it. That seems to be the case with each small step in the fade. Which one may break the camels back? That is anyone's guess.

    As far as sleeping at night - I slept fine when I completely believed everything I was teaching. I truly felt that I was helping individuals recover or maintain a relationship with God - how pompous of me! My conscience bothered me once I doubted and finally didn't believe at all. I belive most elders sleep just fine. Either because they truly feel they're helping people or because they're psychotic.

  • minimus

    They might be saddened that they lost a good man. Went I resigned, I continued for 6 months going thru all the motions and started missing meetings more. Eventually, I just stopped going one day.

  • doinmypart


    Congratulations on what you have accomplished so far. I am in nearly the same position you're in, I currently serve as an elder and only remain a JW because all of my family are JWs. A few years ago I turned in my resignation letter, but the BOE didn't accept it...they told me they would lighten my load until I felt ready to do more. That "rest period" only lasted a few months before duties were dumped back on me.

    However, I'm finally at a breaking point. My wife and I had another argument this weekend related to the WTS. I'm supposed to give a public talk this coming Sunday, oversee a department at the upcoming Special Assembly in a few weeks, and do a part on the District Convention. I told my wife I can't do these things anymore...I can't pretend...everytime I give a talk or conduct the bookstudy I feel like a hypocrite. But I'm not doing a slow fade I'm quitting cold turkey.

    I didn't conduct the WT Sunday, I didn't conduct the bookstudy last night, and I called the Talk Coordinator and told him I won't be giving the talk Sunday. My wife hasn't talked to me since Sunday night, and I'm not sure what the next few days will bring.

    I hope you don't feel as if I hijacked this thread, I just wanted to let you know I understand what you're dealing with. Hang in there.

  • upside/down

    Sadly the Dubs will all (down the road) say "see we knew he was weak, first he's removed as an elder now he's gone!" Just more proof that "J" is keeping the congregation clean and weeding out the weak.

    Not realizing you had this planned way in advance. They see it as cause and effect, not the other way around. And sadly you'll never get that through.

    I wonder if being in the WTS is the "torture stake" Jesus was talking about? And maybe the "cramped road leading off in to everlasting life" is exactly where we all are? It certainly fits better that any WTS explanation I've read. Also the "persecution" coming from the Dubs towards those that no longer hold to their "traditions" reeks of Pharisees/Jesus relations. There I go again appointing myself the FDS. LOL

    Anyway, just a thought


  • TheListener


    I know exactly what you mean. My wife has went a couple of days without speaking to me after a WT fight as well. It's funny because I have been an elder for a very long time my wife wants to repsect my spiritual headship but because I don't believe as she does anymore she refuses to. It's very confusing to her. My load was lightened for about 8 months myself. Until the last CO visited. Lightened Load? WTF!! Give that brother some work or let him step aside. Needless to say I've stepped aside.

    Good luck with the cold turkey process. I just don't have the guts for it. It might come to that one day but for now I'm trying this slow painful method instead.

    I remember cancelling parts because I didn't like the topic and felt that I'd be hypocritical giving it.

  • itsallgoodnow

    This makes me very glad I'm a girl and don't have to worry about giving talks, etc. Over the past few years, I stopped being on the school, commenting, attending most meetings (I go once per week, or less) and going in service altogether. I still turn in a time report to avoid the sheperding calls, but nobody can prove I actually don't go in service. I didn't have the guts to go "cold turkey" either. I don't think either way "helps" active JWs. You become the enemy for being either evil or weak. You become a warning example.

    I am beginning to think lots of witnesses who are doubting see it much differently though. You've got the ones who are also fading and the ones who wouldn't dream of googling JWs on the internet. It's too bad, what can you do? There's some things they must do for themselves.

    Your wives should know better. They know you are good men. Remember they use this emotional abuse out of fear. I guess fear and control is a real issue for JWs. They would cut off everything important to them before they would question authority.

    I don't think I was EVER like that. If my parents had said, we're out of it, I would have danced naked on the rooftop!

  • upside/down
    I remember cancelling parts because I didn't like the topic and felt that I'd be hypocritical giving it

    If you feel hypocritical giving the part, how do you feel sitting there with everyone else while someone else gives the same hypoctical part?

    Sounds like detachment and justification. Unfortunately I've come to realize on this forum and from my own experience, that there is no easy way out of the bOrg. It's "the Mob" of religions. The more "vested" a person is (family, job etc) the harder it is too leave. THAT'S WHY THE DUBS DON'T ALLOW OUTSIDE ASSOCIATION!!!

    I think that is the number one reason people cite as a difficulty of leaving. So make new friends on the outside and get out of this high-control, destructive cult PDQ!

    u/d (of the faded not so slowly class)

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