Slow Fade Progresses (page 2)

xjw_b12

Best wishes to both of you TheListener, and doinmypart. My heart aches for both of you and your families.

Your comment on justification and detachment is right on. I totally realize that my sitting in the KH seat smiling like a schmuck at the very same part I wouldn't give is a crappy thing to do to everyone else in the hall. I detach myself by thinking of other things. I detach myself by trying not to be concerned with the flock (the very flock I've watched over jealously for years and know so many intimate details about). I justify myself with the fact that the most important thing in my life is leaving the WT with some sort of communication with my family, both immediate and extended. I also justify myself by feeling sorry for myself for all the pain and suffering I've endured while finding out the truth isn't what I believed it was.

I get angry at times that my wife who would have believed anything I said before slowing down now questions every sentence that comes out of my mouth.

I get angry that when I leave, no matter how or why or with what label, everyone in the hall will believe I am a fool and that I've fallen prey to some evil temptation. Never considering for a second that I am happier, healthier and following my own will for a change.

I get frustrated that no matter how many discussions I have with my wife on spiritual issues (not so much anymore) and there is no apparent crack in the armor. No matter how many points she'll agree with individually, she'll not let go of the overall, 'but they're imperfect men and where else would I go' tagline.

I'm tired of getting excited at each little step of mental freedom someone in my family makes only to be depressed when the next step is a total following of the the society's hardline.

I want a slow fade for selfish reasons and selfish reasons only!! I want to do it this way because it makes me feel like I'm going easy on my family. Like I'm easing them into the idea of me being totally gone spiritually one day. Is it right? Is it wrong? I don't know, but it's the course I've embarked upon.

WOW!! that felt pretty good. I guess I'm ready for tonight's meeting now.

love2Bworldly

My heartfelt sympathies to you elders. It is devastating when you first leave the JWs, and sometimes takes years to heal. I'll keep you in my prayers, if you feel fading is the right thing for you--then continue. It's pretty much what I did but it was after I was disfellowshipped and reinstated, so I guess by then I was marked and nobody cared less when I stopped going to the KH.

When I was disfellowshipped, one of the elders was looking at me very sympathetically and said "thanks for being so honest", the others had looks of disgust on their faces. The sympathetic elder was disfellowshipped not long after me, so I guess he was feeling my pain. I was 21 and got drunk at an office Christmas party! Since a Witness at my job found out and was going to tattle on me, I felt compelled to have a meeting with the elders. I was very honest and said I just do not want to do this anymore (JW). So then they said the 'charge' was public drunkeness and disfellowshipped me. I tell you I had the greatest time at that party! I have great memories of it and don't regret it at all. I guess when I wanted to leave, I wanted to go out with a bang and I sure did.

Jez

My wife hasn't talked to me since Sunday night, and I'm not sure what the next few days will bring.

So sorry! Why won't she talk to you? Hence my reasoning that very few dubs actually know what love is or how to show it. They have been taught JWLOVE for far too long, and it is twisted, it is a perversion of the word.

The Listener: The lifting of a huge burden off of you is evident even through your words. It is not easy realizing that our heads were in a fog for most of our life. Someone once said on this site that it is like alcoholic getting sober. Thank you for having the courage to investigate whatever it was that made you see 'the truth', for having the moral fibre to admit that the JWs are wrong, thank you for not turning a blind eye like so many do, thank you for leaving. You are an inspiration and you provide hope that there were/are/always will be others like you. This life is all we have, now, then who can judge or blame you for wanting family in it??

It will get to the point where you will not care what they think of you. We have been conditioned to care what others think, not to stumble, preach to others, save save save...your own wants, needs, desires are put on the back burner and you are taught to focus on appearances. The more you associate with non-cult members, the more you will change and start to see the finer intricaties of what has been done to us. Recognizing it is the first step. We have all been taught to be people-pleasers. You'll get over it and be a better man for it. Take your time, be patient with yourself, the answers will come.

Jez

95stormfront

I'm tired of getting excited at each little step of mental freedom someone in my family makes only to be depressed when the next step is a total following of the the society's hardline.

I can certainly relate to this. You can point out the failures of the WT to them one day, they'll half-heartedly agree that this is an issue, even one that they should look deeper into, but after the very next meeting you're back to square one with them, as if the previous days discussion never happened.

I got so sick of this rollercoaster ride with my wife, where the next day she'd swear up and down that what she agreed to that was negative of the WT wasn't really an agreement on her part at all, it got to the point where I thought I was crazy.....but I wasn't.

The one thing I've resolved to do when I am around any JWs is as long as they respect my space, I'll respect theirs and leave them alone in their fantasy world, but, when they intrude upon my space or otherwise try to corner me with their hardline WT interpreted crap, I'll take no prisoners as I blow them all clean out the water. I've done this enough times that my family don't corner me anymore as I always leave them with something to think about whose only conclusion can only reflect negatively on the organization.

I had to put this in practice after the "special talk" that I recently went to after being asked to accompany my wife. She met a couple of "friends" she hadn't seen in a long time and every other word out of their mouth was jehovah this...jehovah that......thank god jehovah and the organization. I guess they were getting kinda concerned as I wasn't "speaking their language" as it were. My wife could see that I was about to unload on them and hurriedly made for us a graceful exit.

Honesty

As far as sleeping at night - I slept fine when I completely believed everything I was teaching. I truly felt that I was helping individuals recover or maintain a relationship with God - how pompous of me! My conscience bothered me once I doubted and finally didn't believe at all.

When I reached that point I started seeking professional help. The thing that really bothered me was that as long as I didn't say anything and went through all the motions my wife was as happy as could be. When I questioned WT beliefs that conflicted with what the bible says I was 'spirtually weak' in her eyes. I stopped attending meetings and was labeled a hypocrite by her in front of my kids. When I supported a brother or sister that was having difficulties with the lack of love I was a dissenter and rebel. I tell you, it is all about appearances and pleasing men instead of God. I feel for you guys who are going through this because it is pure Hell. Hopefully, one day you can look back at the experience and use it to help others break the chains of oppression the Governing Body of Jehovah's Witnesses keep people enslaved with.

evita

Doing the slow fade is really agonizing. When you step down, some will be angry, some will be scandalized, some will feel uncomfortable and ignore you, and some will be legitimately sad and recognize the loss. It will all happen the way that it happens and you will need to endure. I am glad to hear you are making friends outside the org. This helped me so much! There are many who will care about you as you share your story with them, including us here on this board.

My only regret when I faded was how angry I was with everyone. I was not my best self and I did and said some things I wish I hadn't. But I was young and immature. You seem to be handling it very well considering the pressure you're under.

Wishing you the best in your journey out.
Evi

Bryan

TL,

I'm glad you're finding some inner peice while on this journey. I hope you come out of it with your family.

Best regards,

Bryan

Have You Seen My Mother

EvilForce

The Listener,

Your desire to fade..is it being selfish?!?

Who will not allow you to simply stop coming to meetings? It's the borg FORCING you into a particular action to maintain some sort of family life. If you had the option to simply say "Brothers I want to take some time for myself and family to study God's word on my own" you would....but they won't allow that. God said "That is why a young man will leave his father and mother..." Your family is the most important thing God has put YOU in charge of.

If the Dubs can say they need to mislead governments from time to time to protect the flock and call it Theocratic Warfare... can't you as head of your family?

Besides at some point you may want to discuss these things further with the elders...who knows? But show me where God / Jesus has provided that you have to choose between your family and an Earthly organization. How many exhortations did Jesus give us regarding ourselves, our families, and our neighbors? Weigh that against how many exhortations he gave us regarding an organization.

greendawn

Would like to ask what is a BOE?

Slow Fade Progresses

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