"I can't stop thinking about Jehovah's Witnesses!"

by logansrun 61 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  logansrun

  I've heard this said by a few ex-Witnesses in my three years away from the organization, and have sometimes said it myself. Sometimes it is said in the context of, "I'd like to move on, but I just can't stop thinking about them." Well.

  Could it not be that one of the reasons ex-JWs "can't stop thinking about" the organization -- and their past involvement with it -- is that they daily log onto this site, read about the Society and talk about them? I'm not saying that this is wrong, but just a reason why some are "unable" to move on. In other words, it's not so much that they can't move on, but that they won't move on.

  I am a huge Chicago Cubs fan, but I don't think about the teams blown chance to get to the World Series (four outs away!) a couple years ago...and the gaffe by the fan which may have cost them their ticket to the big show. I don't think about it, but if I logged into a website every day which analyzed that game I certainly would think about it. Out of sight, out of mind. In sight, in mind.

  I'm not saying that there is not a fair amount of processing that needs to be done by a former JW. There is much that has to be talked about. But, to think that one must constantly go back and re-hash the "awful past" and the "terrible Watchtower" seems rather silly, if you ask me.

  So my point is: Don't think you HAVE to go through a lengthy voyage of "deprogramming" to be "normal" again. And don't think that the reason your mind gravitates toward the JWs is because it just does this naturally. It very well may, but feeding that thought by participating in ex-Witness discussions only makes it easier for your mind to dwell on past and present pains related to the JWs.

  Take some time away from this board. It will change your perceptions of the organization and your relation to it.

  B.
• 

  ljwtiamb

  Whoa Dude!

  That has GOT to be some of the BEST Freakin' advice I've ever seen on the web and especially on this site!

  Congrats & Thanks!!!
• 

  logansrun

  While my mind is on it, here's something else to chew over.

  Too often situations become self-fulfilling prophecies for people. If you think people are out to get you, you will behave as if they were out to get you. People will notice this and treat you in an odd and suspicious manner, thus validating your idea that people are out to get you. This happens all the time, for better or worse. (If you treat people as if they will like you, often your attitude will show and they will like you better.)

  And so with the JWs. This won't apply to everyone, as situations vary from person to person. Some of us have hyper-JW family, or family that won't talk to us. But, could it be that sometimes we cause Witness contacts to act strangely or hostile toward us...because we expect them to? What if we just treated them like normal, good people? Would they act accordingly? Perhaps.

  Try it and find out.

  Bradley...this off the heals of some very nice conversations with some "hyper-JW" family recently.
• 

  mtbatoon

  Spot on.

  Myself I try to enjoy and balance between acceptance of the org as having been part of my life so staying true to who I am, whilst remembering that my exit was not just about non attendance or unacceptance but from a desire to lead a life unaffected by the org.

  Denial and obsessive curiosity can be as bad as each other.
• 

  tijkmo

  I am a huge Chicago Cubs fan, but I don't think about the teams blown chance to get to the World Series (four outs away!) a couple years ago...and the gaffe by the fan which may have cost them their ticket to the big show

  me thinketh you doth protesteth too much
• 

  LittleToe

  Bradley:

  But, could it be that sometimes we cause Witness contacts to act strangely or hostile toward us...because we expect them to? What if we just treated them like normal, good people? Would they act accordingly? Perhaps.

  No, this is way off base. I treat everyone the same, regardless of their JW status.
  When they cross the street because they see you in the distance, or greet your companion while studiously avoiding your eyes, or duck their head into the passenger footwell, when you drive past their moving vehicle .......

  I do think you are right about "projecting" onto others things which become self-fulfilling prophecies, though.
  It's commonplace, with offenders being continually surprised that life gives them a bum deal.
• 

  zen nudist

  in my view people can't stop thinking about JWs or any other issue when they have not found a way to come to accept what really did happen.

  they have not found peace because they refuse to accept their involvement and their journey...instead they keep comparing it to someone elses journey or some other alternative fantasy which did not happen but seems to have been robbed from them... as if reality somehow made a mistake and their fantasy alternative was due them...

  you cannot be robbed nor cheated by reality, it happens according to its own nature of which we are all a part. no matter what you believe should have been your life instead of the one you lived, it wasnt.... if you simply accept that your life was your real and only life you will not be driven by obsessive emotions trying to get you to change what you know no one can change, namely the past.
• 

  GetBusyLiving

  You make a good point Brad. I've been thinking about just taking a month or so break from the boards too. I have made a lot of good friends on here, I think I'm more interested in them then just sh*t talking dubs. Also I like to help out newbs, as little as I can. There ARE people on here though that are invaluble to this board and it would be very sad to see them leave. Taking extended breaks from it does seem healthy though in the long run.

  GBL
• 

  doogie

  So my point is: Don't think you HAVE to go through a lengthy voyage of "deprogramming" to be "normal" again. And don't think that the reason your mind gravitates toward the JWs is because it just does this naturally. It very well may, but feeding that thought by participating in ex-Witness discussions only makes it easier for your mind to dwell on past and present pains related to the JWs.

  Take some time away from this board. It will change your perceptions of the organization and your relation to it.

  for most of your post you give some awesome advice (i.e., do what you need to to get on with your life whether it be on boards like this or taking time away from them.) but you then proceed to tell everyone still reading that they SHOULD take some time away from the board.

  while time away from JW issues may be the right thing for some, the last thing some people reading your advice need is to take some time away from their support group. everyone is different and has different situations to deal with. your advice may be good for some, but for others, the additional stress of feeling like the "have to" stop thinking about or talking about their experiences as witnesses may be detrimental.

  But, could it be that sometimes we cause Witness contacts to act strangely or hostile toward us...because we expect them to? What if we just treated them like normal, good people? Would they act accordingly? Perhaps.

  gimmee a break...i'm glad this worked with your situation but that doesn't necessarily make it true of even a fraction of the people reading this. but i hear ya on treating others how you'd like to be treated. doesn't mean they'll return the favor.

  just my 2 cents.
• 

  JamesThomas

  Good observations Brad. Perhaps we can take it a little deeper.
  
  Which came first, JWD, or the chronic thoughts regarding the Witnesses?
  
  For some, visits here may only be a symptom of a larger problem. Prolonged focus and attention on thoughts, to the point of forgetting there is an Off switch.
  
  It's OK to use thought in practical and helpful ways, but to continually dwell there is living like a fish out out of water.
  
  There is an Ocean of reality waiting for our attention. What is like to breath? How many sensations flow through us while walking, or gardening, or petting the cat? What is it to be alive?
  
  Little wonder we suffer; for rather than being present with and flowing with life we have become stuck within the weeds of thought and are not so much living as dying.
  
  
  j