I will try to make this quick......
I have been with this wonderfull woman in a "relationship" for almost one year now (Ive known her for 3 years). She is JW and obviously I'm not, our relationship has gone almost exactly like many of the ones discribed here, hiding from parents, familly, church, etc.
Weve got to the point where she is ready to marry me, knows that she will "have" to leave the religion and told her parents saturday night (shes 25 & still lives in their house, I'm 30). Last Saturday morning (and for the last month) she has been just about doing backflips shes been so excited about getting married, having our own familly and spending our lives togeather. I will not bore you with all the details but we do have an incredable connection, we have exactly the same goals in life & familly, we share thoughts at the same time, know what the other is thinking, etc etc etc. All the things that you look for in a partner....except the JW thing.
Now I know she questions the WTS but tries to hide it (as well as just being trained really good), thats one of the reasons I have continued the relationship. She has seen some of the information about WTS lies etc and at times seems to show doubt, but has been told that its all lies or just people telling stories because they are nonbelievers. You all know how this goes!
So Saturday night comes, she tells her familly, and in a complete 180 she says she cannot marry me because it says in the bible that we cant. She says its her choice and that her parents told her she can do whatever she wants. Now we all know this is BS, and she did admit that they gave her the whole guilt/pressure treatment in typical JW fashion, but later said that it had nothing to do with her descion. She says loves me, wants to spend her life with me, raise a familly, but cant because the bible says its wrong.
[B]What I'm asking everyone here to do, is to post some words of encouragement here, tell your story, let her know that she is not alone, and that the pressure she is getting is what is really wrong and not the feelings in her heart.
(I asked why she followed her heart all this time and not what the bible "supposedly" says, while looking at the floor she said that the heart lies and she is stupid for trying to be with me. Thanks allot WTS for trying to distroy another wonderfull person)
Anyway, I know that I'm fighting a huge battle, but I know shes worth the effort, I love her with all my heart and even if we dont end up togeather, I hope and pray that all of this will one day help her see the truth, so that she can live her own life.
So PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE everyone, post lots POSITIVE words/thoughts/suggestions/stories/prayers for her, I plan to give them to her to let her know she is not alone.[/B]
BTW her name is Cynthia and if anyone lives in New Mexico and knows of any support groups here, please let me know.
Moderators, any chance of making this sticky for a few days.......?
Please Please PLEASE post some words of encouragement to my JW friend......
by PAJA 39 Replies latest jw friends
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PAJA
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Crumpet
I do feel for you and your girlfriend! The best thing you can do is show her that well meaning as most in the organisation are they are not founded by God nor are they driven by holy spirit. However after stringing you along and misleading you for a year and agreeing to marry you she owes you something and I would suggest that something is to take some time to investigate and research the organisation with as open a mind as she can manage. I don;t suggest this will be easy - I left when I was 23 and it has taken me 7 years to get to the point where I could examine the JWs in the light of day and fact and realised very emptionally how deceived I had been.
You will have dig this information out for her and all of us can help you with that if you can think of specific things that might help to open her eyes.
On the positive side - I can say it has taken me an awfully long time to get out mentally even though I physically left a long time ago, but it is SOOOO worth it. I am so happy and feel free for the first time in my whole life. I was never truly happy as a witness, I put on the smiles but I never ever felt it. As an ex witness I felt less trapped but still not happy, but having taken the time to study a little I know understand that I have nothing to be ashamed of. I was raised in a cult that thwarted my ability to question anything I was taught and that takes a long time to break through.
And you know she will have been told that the heart is treacherous and so is its desire and that she must not yoke herself with an unbeliever - ie you, but is she really prepared to pass up your lives together on the chance that an organisation she has never properly assessed or questioned might be right. She owes it to herself and you and to the children and grandchildren you could have to do some research. Research about the organisation is not allowed, but the first question she should ask is if there is nothing to hide why can you not look at the history of the organisation.
Be prepared for her to refuse to read anything you might print though my friend as this is forbidden also. I hope she loves you enough to give you a chance.
Hugs, Nina
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El blanko
You have a HUGE battle on your hands and ultimately the decision lies with this lady you are with at the moment.
I can only sympathize from afar.
She will have the idea in her head that Satan is working through you to move her away from the truth. As you probably know!
Many others have gone through what you are going through at the moment and have come out the other side.
I think practically speaking she needs to examine her religion and see if it stands up under scrutiny, try "In Search Of Christian Freedom" and take it from there.
I would advise you not to pressure her too much, but allow her room to breath.
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rebel8
If you are looking for things that may dissuade her from believing in the WTS, try these. Visit the links for documentation.
- The Watchtower Society joined the United Nations as a Non-Governmental Organization in 1992. According to United Nations documents, the Watchtower Society filed applications for membership that required pledging support of UN principles and agreement to disseminate information publicly in support of the UN. The WTS membership status came to public knowledge via a newspaper article in 2001. The newspaper alleges that the WTS then made a hasty withdrawal of the UN, in response to public outcry. The WTS apparently claimed they were inadvertently listed as a UN member after applying for a library card, a claim which the UN states is untrue.
- In 2002, it appears the Watchtower Society owned a significant percentage of stock in Rand Corporation, a manufacturer of military equipment, according to the Securities and Exchange Commission web site.
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ButtLight
Maybe things have changed in the congregation since I have been out. But I thought you could marry someone who is not in the truth. They just look down upon it. And you cant get married at the KH.
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cruzanheart
Cynthia, I lived at home until I was 27. When I turned 25, I was going to Pioneer School and I realized that I was at a crossroads in my life. I did not want to live with my parents the rest of my life, and that's what they were settling in for. When I made noises about moving out, they told me that Jehovah wouldn't approve of my giving up pioneering for so selfish a reason as wanting my own place and getting a full-time job. For shame! Then I met a wonderful guy, a pioneer like me and righteous in every way, and we dated for two years -- VERY chastely, of course! (well, sort of . . .) -- and got married. My mother told me that Chris was sent from the Devil to break up our happy home.
My point is this: at some point YOU have to take responsibility for your life. God gave your a brain and He expects you to use it. If you truly feel that this is the right person for you, then stand up for yourself and do what is best for YOU. That is NOT going to condemn you to death at Armageddon. Your parents tell you "trust in Jehovah." So do it! Trust that Jehovah will read your heart, understand your motives, and if it's the wrong thing to do, forgive you. He allows us free will, the ability to make our own choices. Some of them are good and some are bad, but unless you take that step and make that choice, you'll never know if it was a good one or a bad one.
Cynthia, 22 years later I am still married to the same wonderful man. Neither of us are Jehovah's Witnesses anymore but that too is our choice. We are still trusting that God understands and, in the meantime, we are living every moment of our life with total happiness.
Best of wishes in whatever you decide,
Nina
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Mary
I would buy a copy of Crisis of Conscience for your girlfriend. If that doesn't convince her that the religion is based on smoke and mirrors, nothing will. The problem is, if you're raised in this religion and have family in it, it can be totally devastating when you try to leave. I'm sure her parents have given her subliminal messages like "if you marry a worldly person, we'll have to cut our association with you right down to a bare minimum."
I've known several Witness girls who dated worldly guys who were great. But when push came to shove, their families all convinced them what a horrible, horrible mistake they'd be making by marrying someone not "in the Lord", so they cave, break off with the man they love, marry a Witness guy who they don't love, because they're under the impression that this will be pleasing Jehovah. So then they're married to a guy they don't love and are miserable. My best friend (when I was a teenager) went through this very thing. She dated a worldly guy, fell in love and told her parents about him. They were fanatical Witnesses and were totally freaked out that their reputation might be tarnished because of this "inter-marriage" union, so they put extreme pressure on her to break off with him and she finally did. She ended up marrying a Witness guy who she did not love and they've been miserable for years. And guess what? They're headed for Divorce Court now.
Another friend I knew dated a really great worldly guy and the same scenario happened. Except the creep she married in "the Truth" couldn't hold a job, blew the money he did have on himself while his wife and kids went hungry and literally hid groceries for himself in his truck, so he didn't have to share with his wife and kids. Nice Christian eh? Really made her glad that she chose such a gem instead of the terrible worldly guy she was in love with. He had really bad qualities, like a university degree, responsibility, a good paycheque, he loved her, was kind, considerate.......
Tell your girlfriend that if she lets her parents dictate the most important decision of her life, then they'll be running the rest of her life too. Does she really want that?
Feel free to print this off and show it to your girlfriend. Knowing that others have made the disastrous decision to dump the guy they love because of a religion that shows no loyalty to it's subjects, is insane.
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DHL
Paja, I feel for you and your girl! I don't envy you at all. This could be the fight of your life.
I think practically speaking she needs to examine her religion and see if it stands up under scrutiny,
I definitely agree with El blanko.
I'd just say that using the bible could be great because I think she can only be hoisted by her own petard. She probably simply won't listen to arguments of apostates. But using the bible could probably help to open the doors because it could make her think. Using the bible won't frighten her and in the end it could lead to a newfound freedom of hers as she might realise that making decisions for herself isn't wrong at all. (At the moment it sounds like she's not giving herself much credit in this.) This discovery then might help her to stand by her man.
I for example would suggest to give 1. Cor. 13:5 a try: "So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love."
As Jesus points it out here it's good to believe in something and it's good to hope for something but Jesus says it's way better and more important to love. Having faith (and acting according to it) obviously is not as important to Jesus as to live love i.e. to make decisions with a loving heart. That of course makes acting loveless but faithful an absolute "No no" in Jesus' eyes. Jesus is considered a great teacher. She will admit that. That could be a starter.
Using this method (discussing with her on her grounds) of course for you means to read as much as possible i.e. the bible, here and all the great books about the subject, simply anything that could get you "armed".
Paja, good luck and please keep us informed
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DHL
My point is this: at some point YOU have to take responsibility for your life. God gave your a brain and He expects you to use it. If you truly feel that this is the right person for you, then stand up for yourself and do what is best for YOU. That is NOT going to condemn you to death at Armageddon. Your parents tell you "trust in Jehovah." So do it! Trust that Jehovah will read your heart, understand your motives, and if it's the wrong thing to do, forgive you. He allows us free will, the ability to make our own choices. Some of them are good and some are bad, but unless you take that step and make that choice, you'll never know if it was a good one or a bad one.
cruz, that's a great point!
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cheeseman
Cynthia, I hope you get to read this. You don't know me and I don't know you, but before you stop reading, I can assure you that I am not under any demonic influences, so you can read this with confidence. If you truly love your guy then embark on a journey with him to find out the real truth. Now, ask yourself this question...
If the Watchtower Society has nothing to hide, then there would be no problem in asking one or two questions about them, right? After all, they would be able to answer them quite easily, wouldn't they?
OK, so before you dismiss evidence that proves the organisation is not the sole channel for God on earth, remember... it can do no harm to look and see.
Please just take a little time to ask all those niggly questions that you have inside. Talk about it with your man and please don't throw your relationship with him away. God would not want you to do this.
All the best for the future.