Jealousy in a couple, good or bad?

by JH 21 Replies latest jw friends

  • jeanniebeanz

    I think there is a big difference between jealous and protective. Sometimes the two get confused. For example, if my husband sees me conversing with a man he knows is not a threat to me or our family, he's cool. If some idiot is bugging me in the mall, the idiot will find himself having his stupid head handed to him. lol

    For me, I've never seen my husband show any interest in other women so I don't know how I'd react. I've seen a lot of women come onto him though, it's funny because he acts like they have the plague or something. Most common comment is "Look, I don't mean to hurt your feelings or anything, but I'm married!" At that point they notice the chubby little lady standing a few feet away and the light goes on. We're pretty mismatched, and unless we are holding hands most people would not put us together. I suspect though that if that was ever not his response, my eyes would turn a violent green and the other woman would have to run for her life!


    (of the "green eyed dragon woman from *ell if you touch my man, and Valis would not like me" class)

  • EvilForce

    Jealousy is not good or bad. It is an emotion. It is part and parcel of living w/ your romantic interest. WHAT YOU DO with jealousy is what could be construed as good / bad.

    Jealousy shows your mate you are alive and protective. You shouldn't let jealousy however justify silly actions, much like anger. Anger is's what you do with it that makes it acceptable or unacceptable.

  • love11

    A little bit of jealousy adds passion. It also gives good make up sex.

    A lot of jealousy means that there is a trust issue. Sometimes actions warrant mistrust.


  • jwbot

    Too much jealousy is a bad thing. When Mike and I newly together, it was easier for us to get jealous because there was not so much trust built up yet. We had to get over it though, its not good for either person in a relationship and if its one person jealous, it will lead to heavy resentment from the other person.

    Mike is protective of me though, sometimes I mistake it for jealousy but its not. For instance we went out to a club and we just dance a lot with all the fine ladies but then a girl was being really pushy with me...all over me and she was very drunk. Mike just took my hand and pulled me away and made it clear that he and I were together. I was a little upset because he did not give me a chance to say "hey I have a boyfriend!" and when I thought back, I had "bisexual guilt" (really long story-a different post another time perhaps) and I think that I could have possibly had a hard time telling her that no, I am not a lesbian, I am bisexual and I have a boyfriend. In any event when Mike and I talked about it and he was not jealous, he was actually afraid I would get myself in a situation where I had a hard time dealing with it (which was the truth) and at no fault of mine. So thats my example :) But next time, he is going to give me a chance to stand up for myself.

  • freedom96

    Certainly, too much jealousy can hurt a relationship.

    Get this:

    I am out with my wife, and two other couples. One of the guys there is a good friend of mine. We were out at a really nice Sunday buffet, and time comes for seconds. I look at him, and said ready? Lets go get some more food. We had both finished at the same time. We go up, come back and join the group. His wife got SO jealous because he and I went to get more food instead of her.

    Much more to the story, but anyways, they just broke up, so I think she is re-thinking the whole jealous act.

  • talesin

    To me, jealousy indicates a lack of trust and/or a feeling of ownership. Just for fun, I looked it up and I would say that Merriam-Webster agrees.

    Main Entry: jealĀ·ous
    Pronunciation: 'je-l&s
    Function: adjective
    Etymology: Middle English jelous, from Old French, from (assumed) Vulgar Latin zelosus, from Late Latin zelus zeal -- more at ZEAL
    1 a : intolerant of rivalry or unfaithfulness b : disposed to suspect rivalry or unfaithfulness
    2 : hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage3 : vigilant in guarding a possession <new colonies were jealous of their new independence -- Scott Buchanan>

    If a man acts jealous or possessive from the get-go, it's sayonara!

    just my 2


  • orangefatcat

    Interesting post. Marco and I are so happily married we have a great relationship and know what makes each other tick. Marco is Greek, and a big flirt and tease, but I know that that is all it is, because of our deep love for one antoher. He will be in a room at one end and I at the other and I will look up and see him looking at me and he passionately throws me a kiss. Wow I just melt like butter. I reciprocate. He smiles and winks at me and I am pure mush. I know all our friends know he is a big flirt. and they know I am the same way. Many of our friends from the dart leauge are really cool friends. All the guys come on to me and smooch with me and hug me, Marco laughs at it and says its so nice that men are attracted to you. you have magnetism and a wonderful personality and people especially men adore you.

    And I know I am a huge flirt and I love every minute of it. My dearest girl friend says to me, "Terry how is that you walk in a room and all the guys shout out your name and come over and get kissy kissy with you? Your like a magnet". Well the thing is this Marco and I are both gregarious persons. We express our feelings openly so people know how much we love and respect one another. People know our love.

    Niether of us are jealous of the other. But from time to time when I think of how handsome my hubby is I get a little twinge from time to time . We will be out together and when either of us sees a beautiful person we look together. I trust him as much as he trusts me. Its because in our life together we hold each other and touch each other with such great passion. I respect my husband with all my heart and he knows that, I would never do anything to hurt him and vise versa. He will sit in the living room and I am on the PC and I will turn and once again he is stairing at me and just makes a kiss with his lips and I am in ecstacy heaven. You know the song, I'm in heaven", well thats how I feel about him.

    I am so blessed to have a great man in my life. I know we were destined to be together along long time ago, and I believe with all my heart God or fate brought us to one another. My husband is my hero.

    luv Orangefatcat.

  • Rabbit

    In my past marriage to a JW, there was a very consistant destructive jealously going on. I really had to be on guard to avoid 'triggers' that would set her off. I did not see how damaging it was until much later.

    Fast forward several years...I am now married to a sweet gal who was never a jw. It took me a little while to get used to how open-minded and non-jealous she is. She is a very gregarious person who is friendly to almost everyone, I've learned to trust her intuition around people. I will go into a store where she's been before and have been shocked when the men or women greeted her by name and would start up a previous conversation. At first I'd say..."How do you know them ?" (suspicious) now, I've seen her make friends with all kinds of people. She is very genuine. She's even met my X-wife several times, she is very civil to her ...and not in the least bit jealous.

    She has friends (men, too) she's had for years and still talks occasionally on the phone. I know one of them has a crush on her since he was 15, I am not jealous in the least. A little jealousy in a 'protective' sense is a good thing, but, not to where you are trying to 'control' your mate. I have an ex-girlfriend that was a good friend, even after we broke up, she is now a good friend to my wife, too. That would have been impossible with my X-wife.

    As someone else said, it's about trust and being secure in your relationship. It takes a lot of understanding, strong love and maybe even particular types of personalities. I have changed a lot, I think for the better, after leaving behind the narrow-mindedness and control of the WT mind-set.

    Free at last...Rabbit

  • FlyingHighNow

    If I like the woman, I don't care if he likes her. If I don't like her then it will irritate me. He can like Sophia Loren or Grace Kelly. Darn, why can't I think of someone more current than them? I copied pictures of Grace Kelly and put them in his My Pictures slide show. He used to have a mad crush on Belinda Carlysle when he was a kid and teenager: same thing with her.

    I think if someone is truly a threat, then jealousy has its place. The thing is, you really have to have the wisdom to know a real threat. My first husband would go ballistic if I got up late and used the hair dryer before work. One day I did that and I left the hairdryer out on the counter. I worked in a department store and couldn't show up with soaking wet hair. "Who were you blowing your hair dry for!!!!??" Yes, that actually happened.

  • rwagoner

    My wife and I live an open relationship....have for many years.

    I agree with Jeannie on one point and will expand on it a little to fit our unique situation....I don't mind if the wife converses, flirts..or whatever, as long as I sense that she is safe and consenting. If however I sense that she is feeling uncomfortable, harassed or is all over and there will probably be some clean up to do.

    I am NOT a jealous fact I am more the voyeur type....but our lifestyle choice is also about fun...recreation. We have a deep emotional connection as a couple and when I feel that one of her "fans" is moving from "fun" to romance...THEN I feel the ocassional twinge. Not because I distrust her but because the guy has overstepped the "recreational" bounds.

    For her part it is a bit different. In most cases she is very understanding of any attention that I might get/give to another woman but there have been two women who just plain turned her into a she-devil. I can't explain it...I have certainly been in more physical situations with other women than these two but she was fine with the others....but not these two particular women...and she cant explain why either. She simply HATED them right from the start. LOL

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