More fun with witness urban myths.....

by integ 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • funkyderek
    Or: A Witness once rented a VHS copy of Interview With The Vampire and tried to return it. The next day, It was STILL ON HIS COFFEE TABLE.

    I'd be really pissed off if that happened and I had to pay a late fee!

  • link

    The only people to survive the atomic bomb dropped on Hiroshima were Jehovah's Witnesses. They were being held in an underground prison for refusing military service!

    This always brings two questions to mind. What abour the guards, they must have survived also, and how did they all survive the radiation when they came out?


  • lilbit
    the sister that was working the service territory alone when she went to this killer's house. Of course she didn't know he was a killer. He was going to shoot her when she came to the door. But he saw two big guys standing on each side of her. He decided not to shoot her. But those two big guys next to her were angels and they were protecting her.

    Ive heard this one alot and normaly didnt the avon lady that knocked on the door later get axed.

  • googlemagoogle

    this one's true too ;-)

    one brother in south africa had to do some really important thing, delivering literature or something like that. he had to stop at a traffic light. as there are so many criminals in south africa and the window of his car was open, one of those many many south african criminals came along, reached for his throat and tried to strangle him. BUT it was not time to die, as the literature was not delivered yet! he just quickly casted the jehovah spell, the criminal was instantly paralized and our fellow brother drove away. looking back he still saw the criminal standing there unable to move.

    another true story:

    a printing machine in some asian island, the philipines probably, had to be moved to another building. but it was too big to get it through the door and it had to be moved quickly. even though it supposedly was going to rain, the brothers decided to remove the roof of the house to get out the machine (don't know how they would do that, helicopter?). you know what? it started to rain, BUT only around the house. the only place it didn't rain was right where the house was, so they could move the machine without wetting it.

  • Brother Beyond
    Brother Beyond

    Here is a very well known story that I have heard from childhood......

    During the Second World War the governing body could not make their mind up over something. So they decided to let Jehovah answer. At that time there was a massive shortage of coal, and supplies were severely limited. Having prayed, they decided that they would order a massive supply of coal for use at Brooklyn, their wise idea being that if the coal was delivered this showed their decision had Jehovah's approval, where as if it was not delivered it would demonstrate that they did not have Jehovah's approval.

    It goes without saying, of course that the coal was delivered; hence they assumed Jehovah's approval!!

    The other well known one was how banned literature that had been quickly hidden in an oven before a surprise search began, magically transformed themselves in to cakes. So when the guards opened the oven doors all they saw were several cakes!!!!

    Naturally, I like all the other brain washed dubs believed this and other fantastic stories to be true, which of course proved my faith true also.

    I wonder if the society has a team of fantasy writers who regularly make up this crap to strengthen the faith of all those followers who take it all in and fall prey to their 'Spiritual Fairy Stories?.


  • mrsjones5

    Someone needs to compile all of these jw fairytales into a book. That would be funny.


  • IP_SEC

    How about the one where the brother was getting a hair cut by a man who was demon possessed? The demonized man said: *In best demonized voice* "Yor god killed our children in the flood, now we will take as many of your children down with us at Armageddon." BWahahhhahhahahh. Now let that be a lesson for you kiddos, the deeminz are out for revenge for Jove killing the nefilim at the flood. No wonder so many youths get df'd

  • ChrisVance

    Then there's the one about the CO and his wife who were crossing a mountain pass pulling there travel trailer. There was a blizzard and it was night. The snow got so deep they had to stop. They tried to backup a little to pull off the road but hit what seemed like the side of the mountain. They spent the night in their trailer and when they got up the next morning, lo and behold, the were parked on the edge of a cliff. If hover's angel hadn't stopped them they would have backed over the cliff. True story.

  • NewYork44M

    These stories never get old. Keep them coming. Here is one I heard many years ago:

    This story came from some war-torn area (i.e. Africa, Central America, and Europe). Several brothers were rounded up for not joining the army. They were told to dig your graves because "we are going to kill you." So the brothers dug their graves while being surrounded by gun-toting army guys. After the brothers finished digging they were told to lie in the freshly dug grave. Just then an enemy plane flew over head and shot all everyone standing. The only survivors were the brothers who were lying in their graves.

  • loosie

    ok now I am digging way back in the recesses of my memory here. Did you hear about the one where this sister in Germany was almost caught with the banned golden age magazine. She was out walking her baby in the carriage and along come the authorities so she quickly hides the magazines under the baby. when the police man searches the carriage he puts his hand underneath the baby and gets a hand full of poop (*&^%) and he shouts "uff da" which I think is Norwegian for well you know what. lmbo. I love these stories.

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