I will try to make this as brief as possible. I had forgotten how much drama it is to deal with an elder who refuses to answer a direct question. This isn't even Bible related yet still he refused to answer my question. He has little to no respect for me as a person or as his grandaughter's mom. First a little background.
Last week my daughter missed detention. Her teacher called to let us know and it turned out she had cheated, then lied about it and then didn't show us the note sent home regarding her detention. Her dad (an active JW) and I both decided jointly on discipline to be administered in both our households. (She got in big trouble and her detention was scheduled for this week.) He (MS soon to be Elder) lives with his dad (Elder/PO) and his mom (Pioneer). Usually my ex and his mom are responsible for my daughter when she is there. Well, my daughter's dad is out of the country for the week and it was not communicated to me in advance that he would be gone for a week and his mother would be gone along with him. It was his week to have our daughter. In my opinion, he should have given me the option of having her before making alternate arrangements but that's not the crux of the issue right now.
Here's how the conversation went when I called their house to see if my daughter had gone to detention:
me: Is Lexi's gramma there?
grandfather: No.
me: Is she still out of town?
grandfather: Yes.
me: When will she be returning?
grandfather: Tomorrow.
me: Well, I am calling to find out if daughter went to detention.
grandfather: I don't know. (mind you my daughter is at his house; I don't know this at the time but all he had to do was ask her if she went to detention)
me: Well, who picked her up from school.
grandfather: Her aunt. (mind you her aunt and uncle are also at his house; I don't know this at the time but all he had to do was ask her or my daughter about detention)
me: Well, do you know if anyone told her aunt she needed to go to detention today?
grandfather: Did you tell her aunt she needed to go to detention today?
me: I do not have custody of her this week; I did not make arrangements for her to be picked up from school. Where is she? Who is in responsible for her while her dad is out of town?
grandfather: She's with her aunt. (Again, her aunt is at his house! That was a lie right?) I'm not going to talk about this with you. I'm not going to do this.
me: This is really important. When she missed detention last week she got into big trouble. I really need to speak with her to make sure she went today. If you are responsible for her while her dad is out of town you should be able to communicate with me about her care. (Funny how he doesn't think he needs to answer direct questions nor does he think he needs to talk to me about her care. Could it be the fact that I'm a woman and no longer a JW? That's a bad combination - huh.)
grandfather: She is here with me (he fesses up) and I am not going to talk to you about this any longer. Have a good day. Good-bye. (then he hangs up on me)
Ok. I was fuming! I called back to speak with my daughter to ask her if she went to detention. That's really all I wanted to know because if she hadn't then someone was going with her to school the next day to speak with her teacher about why she hadn't gone... He did not answer and instead let the machine pick up. I left a message stating that I would like to speak with my daughter. I left my cell number. I said that if I did not receive a call back I would be stopping by shortly to speak with her in person.
No call back.
I stopped by and he sent my daughter to the door. This is when I find out that her aunt is also there and he was so trying to mislead me. And for what? No good reason.
I asked my daughter if she went to detention. She said, "Yes." No how hard was that?
I then said I wanted to speak to her grandfather. He came to the door.
me: I called and asked you if my daughter went to detention. It was very important considering she missed last week. Why did you not just ascertain the information and answer the question?
grandfather: I'm trying to answer your question. (LOL- I had just finished asking it) You have an attitude.
me: Are you going to answer my question?
grandfather: I am not interested in talking to you. I am not going to have this conversation with you.
me: If you are responsible for taking care of my daughter and you are unable to speak with me about her care I am not comfortable with you caring for her.
grandfather: If you want to take that responsibility then you can deal with her dad.
me: Ok. I am more than willing to speak with her dad about this. The person he entrusts to care for her should be able to communicate with both her parents about that care.
I did leave a message for her dad to call me when he returns from his trip and I am going to tell him I am not comfortable wth his dad watching our daughter because he is unwilling to speak to me. I am also going to tell him he needs to give me the option of having her prior to having his parents care for her if he is going to be out of town when he has her.
Am I crazy? Did I overreact? Is it me or does it sound like he has absolutely no respect for me? It all came back to me what it was like dealing with him and dealing with the elders in committee meetings...
Sorry so long. I had to vent. I feel much better now