Poor thing, she's had Alzheimer's for about 10 years and the last year she's been on hospice care because she's been so close to death. The past few months she's been slowly filling up with water -- they gave her Lasix (not sure of the spelling) to relieve the edema and it worked, sort of. Last weekend she actually looked a little better. Today, however, I got a call at 2:00 p.m. from the nursing home to tell me that Mom's oxygen level and blood pressure were falling. So I raced up there and found that her breathing was very labored from all the liquid in her lungs -- I could tell she was struggling for each breath. The doctor had ordered morphine and once it took effect she stopped struggling to breathe and then the breaths became fewer and shallower . . . and then she died. It was very peaceful.
The nurses and aides were so sweet when they found out that Chris and the kids were on their way, and they took the time to clean Mom up and, in their words, "make her look like Grandma." The administrator came by, and the hospice nurse, and the chaplain, and one of the aides who was particularly fond of Mom. Everyone was very kind.
Jennie was a little freaked out by seeing a dead body, but Jackson went right up and gave Grandma a final hug and "good-bye" and had a good cry. We talked together for a while and then Chris took the kids home and I stayed with Mom, waiting for the people from the funeral home to come and get her. It was, I guess, my way of saying goodbye, just sitting there quietly and reflecting on her life. I left about 7:30. The chaplain was still at the nursing home and he said he'd wait until they came to take her.
I'm sad, yes, but the major feeling I have is relief that she is finally at the end of her journey. The last five years of her life had no quality at all. She was a very alive person and she would have hated seeing what she was reduced to. Oddly enough, though, the Alzheimer's turned her from an angry person into a sweet little old lady who loved everybody. Probably two sides of the same personality.
And tonight there is the most beautiful full moon in a clear, cold sky. I hope she can see it now.
Nina
