I need your guys thoughts & opinions (page 4)

kls

I keep reading your thoughts and trying to clear my head of all the negative feeling that i have and i just can't. Again my son asked me last night to sit and talk with this girl and i keep telling him" bad idea" because i speak my mind and i am really afraid of what may come out.

Some of you posted ( you know who you are ) that maybe the girl and i have the same personnalities and we are clashing,well that thought had me up all night wondering if i am judging someone for being like me and i felt such guilt . Then it hit me ,no that is not what it is ,actually she is the complete opposite of who i am and she has the personality that i find rude in people,,,,,,,for instance,she knows i don't care for her but she still comes in the house and walks past me to my son's room like she is thinking" screw you i want your son" i also found out she was engaged at 16 she is now 18 and she and her dad do not get along. i guess she does with her mom . One night my son asked if she could spend the night ( cringe) because they were at a party and she was to drunk to drive back to her dorm( she is in college to be a kindergarden teacher) well i never let anyone drive while drunk so i said yes ( she has fake ID to get into bars) any way the next morning my son got up went to take a shower and i see her walk into the room he was showering WTF i am thinking, excuse me , right in front of me.

I don't know how she was raised but to me that is really rude and shows she has no thoughts of how i feel . This all bothers me and i really didn't know how much till i read all your thoughts and yes it really is that she could careless how anyone feels about her actions as long as she gets what she wants which is my son.

Ok tell me am i over reacting??????

calamityjane

KLS, no your not over-reacting. What you just said, sounds like she has little regard for any type of rules.

Country Girl

I *hate* Ben Stiller. I don't know why, but I just HATE him. From the moment I saw him, such a loathing in me began, and has continued to grow, like the plague. But yes, I know what you're talking about...

However, there are common courtesies that people extend to each other to keep situations civil, even though they may be tension-fraught, and if these common courtesies are ignored it can be very aggravating to others.

Sometimes, people have had years of neglect or other situations that cause them to be brutally oblivious and selfish. Their social interactions are immature and stunted. This causes others to view them with suspicion and mistrust, even though perhaps they are totally unaware of it. Take the case of the mentally ill people at the Kingdom Hall. In our Hall, they were treated with disdain and hardly any care. In my Grandmother's Hall, they were welcomed and treated warmly. Just a different atmosphere. A long time ago, mentally ill people were thought of as being possessed, and were treated accordingly.

It's perfectly natural and human to have these feelings, but you should try to investigate them further and identify exactly what it is that bothers you before you say anything to her, or to your son. Perhaps she has a medical problem that may cause these personality problems, or was raised in several foster homes.. whatever the case, it doesn't mean your feelings are wrong, just that, as Minimus said, they should be investigated a little bit more fully. It just may be that she wants your son, is rude mannered, and doesn't give a flip about social conventions. Who knows?

Good luck and hugs,

CG

jeanniebeanz

Sounds like this girl has absolutely no respect for you, and you knew that from the start.

J

kls

BREAKING NEWS: i always wanted to do that , anyways back to my problem,,,,,well the girl called me on the phone i guess she was nervous and didn't want to meet face to face which is fine. Well she asked me what she had done wrong to make me feel the way i do and how she could make it better, i'm thinking man she does have guts or is really dumb ,so i asked her if she can handle what i have to say because i told her i am honest and will speak my mind so if you can't take what i have to say you better just hang up know it is up to you.

She said yes i want to hear what you have to say and what i did wrong to make you feel about me the way that you do ,i said fine and told her how she disrespected me in my home when my son was showering and how she walks past me like she could careless if i was there or not and would step on me to get to my son ,then i went on to say if she has so much disrespect for me as a parent how can she ever become a Kindergarden teacher and face parents everyday ,wether they are parents of small children or not, you still must show respect or the parents will see right through you, she replyed i know( dah).

I then told her when she walks in my home she obeys my rules or you will not enter my door again ,she told me how sorry she is to have been so thoughtless and should have known better ( dah). I told her and my son told her that i still talk to many of my kids old dates i became to many a second mom and she is the only one that has disrespected me the way she has.

Well then her cell phone went dead and then she called back and asked to give her another chance, i told her i am not dating her my son is and what you do outside my home is your business .

Then she had to go ,i think she heard enough and i will give you this she has guts calling me and taking what i had to say but istill say there is something up with her and i hope what ever it is my son doesn't get to hurt by it.

You guys are so great and i can't thankyou enough for all your advise that really helped me think and it will also help me to deal with what ever happens with this girl,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,THANK-YOU(((((((HUGS TO ALL ))))))

HadEnuf

kls...I hope that things improve for you in this situation. I too have this crazy feeling about some people...the moment I meet them I don't like or trust them. It doesn't happen very often; but I'm usually right about that person. (Of course the exception is my husband; who I married anyway and we've been married 32 years so I guess I was wrong that one time)!!

Ain't being a parent great? "IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING"

Cathy L.

proplog2

I can help you find out what bothers you.

Answer these questions.

Is she taller than you or shorter than you?

Is she heavier than you or skinnier than you?

Is she more verbal than you or quieter than you?

Is she more sociable than you or more withdrawn than you?

Is she more energetic than you or lazier than you?

If you answer these questions you will probably find out that you and her are quite different in some ways.

Don't underestimate these differences. She may be just right for your son. Anyhow you aren't going to marry her.

However as she also just might be crazy! A lot of borderline personalities have a way of irritating people.

sweetsevda

yes that does happen in fact i can tell u that i no of that by experiencei no of someone that does give me tjat exact same feeling i cannot stand to be around that person either.

AuntieJane

Kls, I am honest and speak my mind like you, so I have to say this: What is it about your son that he brings a girl like this into your home? I think the disrespect is coming from him as much if not more than the girl. She was stupid enough to not know, or bother to know, what your feelings are. Your son, on the other hand, probably knows exactly where you are coming from. I think your anger, while rightful, should be directed to your son as well. Just my 2 cents since you asked for opinions here.

talesin

kls

You know, you're not a judgmental person, your gut is telling you something.

Here's what crossed my mind as I read ...

Could it be that she is troubled (problems within, issues to deal with) and you are sensing that?

I know that my former MIL didn't like me from day one. Now I know that she could see how troubled I was and that I would only break her son's heart. Guess what? I was, and I did. Back then I resented her, but now I understand.

Your instincts are probably right on, but what is the source of your dislike - is her intent bad, or could she just inadvertently be 'bad news'?

It sounds like she cares enough about your son to try to clear this up, and that takes a lot of guts. Perhaps she is looking for an ally? I think AuntieJane has a point as well. If he's old enough to bring someone home, then he can make sure anyone he brings home knows and follows protocol.

It's good to 'read' you! Sorry you're having a rough go right now.

take care,

tal

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