Hey there young fella.
You should know some things. If you believe in baseball and hockey you will never be without faith (and if your mom tries to make you play soccer instead call 911 and scream.)
If they try to make you eat brocholli throw up on the table.
When you Dad isn't looking pull the hairs on his leg out - this way he'll always be looking at ya and won't miss anything.
Santa does exist - pray to him, but don't close your eyes when you do.
DO leave the seat up, this way your mom can more easily see when the bowl needs cleaning. She'll thank ya later.
Hide daddy's wallet and don't give it to him until he buys you all the Family Guy CD's
And never join a cult.
Welcome, from Dorothy.