Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child?

by Lostreality 36 Replies latest members adult

• 

  pennycandy

  In the doctor's office a few months ago, I was sitting near a woman with two children. The little girl, about three, hit her brother. The mother immediately swacked her hand, hard, and said, "No! We don't hit!"

  I involuntarily let out a little gasp when she hit (wouldn't do that on purpose), so the mother looked at me. I said, "We don't hit? Looks like we do."

  Couldn't help it. Hitting a child to teach her that hitting is bad makes no sense. Children learn by what we do much more than what we say.

  My 2 year old, who had been playing with the little girl, saw the girl get slapped and was quiet and clingy until we left. I don't think she had ever seen a child be hit before.
• 

  Valis

  I have rarely ever spanked my kids...only if they have gone against my instructions and put themself in danger. That is when I get pissed off enough to show their backside my backhand. Only happened a couple times. Otherwise it is timeout land or even worse now....NO GAMEBOY! bwahahahahah...besides that they really don't like it when I get angry and that about does it anyway..*LOL*

  I was spanked a few times when I was young, some even at the hall....so as I got a little older I knew that stepping out of line, especially around others like in public, was going to result in a spanking. Didn't hurt me to have that in the back of my mind I don't think. Prolly kept me from doing really stupid stuff anyway.

  However, as mean as this sounds, I have seen behavior from children in public where both the children should be spanked and then the parents dealt with for allowing their children to get that way in the first place.

  Sincerely,

  District Overbeer
• 

  franklin J

  I do not "spank" my children

  ....the only time my hand comes in contact with them is to hug them.

  my wife and I have found that suspension of privledges and allowance is more than enough punishment.

  ...but my kids still "hate me". when they cannot have their way...typical preadolences and I do not take it seriously...
• 

  prophecor

  Unfortunately, there will occur times when spanking of a child will become necessary, I've done it, will do it, and don't have a proplem with it when it comes to be administered, as it is usualy done as a last resort because of childrens capacity to test you out as to whether you're truly in charge of a situation and whether you will actually use such punishment.

  They also are very intelligent for their limited age, many of them and will try to manipulate you, or their situations, such as having a full blown hissy fit in the store for example, over something that they wanted, a toy, a piece of candy, attempting to make the situation appear worse than what it is. When they have an audience, they can really get off on making you look like some horrid, terrible parent. They often respond differently in public as opposed to private, however.

  My grandaughter knows that she can not get away with playing the I'm cute or I'm innocent role as I'm able to recognize when she's trying to manipulate me or my wife to yeild to her will. A goodly tempered, measured whacking and sending her upstairs out of earshot of any unable to handle her pleas for justice quickly brings about an adjustment in behavior. Force, is at times, the only way to get an improvement in a childs acting up or acting out.
• 

  Gretchen956

  I too was physically abused as a child. We lived in the wilds of Montana, and my parent's favorite was the willow switch. Very much like a whip, layed a nasty welt on the back of your legs. They liked the belt as well, or a wooden paddle. They really weren't particular, anything handy like an extension cord would work too. When all else fails there is always the hand or that fist it turns into so readily. With my mom it was a test of wills. She wanted to spank me until she "broke" me too, she wanted to make me cry so that she could feel that she had done her parenting job the only way she knew how. Back in those days I would turn and face her and just stare at her, set my jaw and grit my teeth. I learned how NOT to cry. My mom's temper was hair trigger, but my dad took a long time to build up to it. When he did you could be sure that something would get broken and that you would be knocked to the floor. Mom was also a screamer... ugh, I think thats why I detest loud voices to this day.

  So, when it became my turn, I had a little boy with ADHD. Most kids, when they get wound up, wind back down. With Mike he would just wind tighter and tighter, he couldn't stop. We did the talking to thing, we did the time-outs, and we did the distractions. All of those things worked. But then, maybe once a year, maybe slightly less, he would get going up and all of that would not seem to make a difference any more. When everything else had failed, when he had one of these episodes, I would spank him, and afterwards we would sit and talk about it. He never got it with an object other than my hand, and I know he was never hurt by it. But it was the rare wake-up call I sometimes had to resort to. I think over the course of his lifetime I spanked him 4 or 5 times.

  My son and I have always been good good friends. He and I have always been able to talk about things, when he has a problem he knows that I am the one person that will listen and not judge him. I'm really blessed in that regard.

  So, 99.9% of the time, I do NOT believe in spanking. But there are extenuating circumstances where used sparingly, not in anger, and correctly, it can be effective.

  Sherry
• 

  Low-Key Lysmith

  I don't believe violence teaches anyone anything. My mom and dad usewd to beat the living crap out of me in front of whoever. My mom would pull handfulls of hair out of my head. My dad liked to use his fists. As a result, I have vowed never to treat my kids the way my parents treated me. I've never even hit my dog, and he obeys me unconditionally.
• 

  lisaBObeesa

  I have spanked in the past..but not much.

  Anyone seen "Nanny 911" or "SuperNanny'? They never spank and they get through to some of the toughest kids I have ever seen. It is truly amazing. They get real results. I am trying to learn their methods...