Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child?

by Lostreality 36 Replies latest members adult

• 

  whyamihere

  Well ...I was spanked...not like everyday but I very much think I needed it and maybe more....lol. kidding.

  I was spanked alot its not damaged me by any means...it makes me think why in the hell would you beat a kid just because they can't sit still?

  I give out T/O... time outs. I tap the hand of my son has he hits his sister or grabs something he shouldn't(stove etc..)

  I am only 24 and have 2 kids but I give alot of time outs and I pick my battles because they are just kids and you are only a child once. Plus I like it when they are naughty!lol.

  Brooke
• 

  avengers

  I was never spanked. My Dad was not J Dubb. I did and I was.

  grrrghhhrrrrr!!
• 

  G Money

  Spanking is good to get a kid's attention. Some kids need it. I did it to my kids early on and now i don't have to because they know I WILL do it.
  
  Some kids run their parents and too many parents are too lenient and that is why kids are so crqazy these days.
  
  I'm not saying use a spoon, tool or belt. Use an open palm. No marks should be left. One swat or two will usually do the trick. Spanking shouldn't be fun for the spanker or done whilst in a fit of anger and swiftness and celerity of punishment is a good way to reduce aberrant behaviour.
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  AshtonCA

  My nieces and nephews are so well-behaved everywhere they go, and so respectful towards their parents and other adults in general.

  Believe me, this type of model behavior wouldn't have been achieved by merely talking to them, or silly timeouts, or counting 'til whatever number, or taking stuff away. No, no, no, good old spankings will drive the point home about behaving correctly like no other method known to mankind.

  I sure hope you are saying this out of jest. My son is exactly as you have described your nieces and nephews and he has not been spanked, except when he ran out in the street once. He mostly just gets a stern talking to. He is now 11 and starting to act up a little bit and all I have to do is take a privilege away and the acting out gets better.

  Children can learn to do right without the need for spanking. As I have said before, I and my 3 brothers were spanked (I was spanked daily until I was 16!) Now, I am very resentful of my parents for how they handled my learning disabilities and ADHD and such. But, I have to keep reminding myself that they did not know any better back then. There were no diagnoses for the problems I had and have to this day. If anyone is skeptical about whether ADD, ADHD with defiant disorder is legit, or just an excuse for bad behavior, let me tell you, I suffer from it all and it is real.

  The rod that the bible talks about doesn't have to be just that, a rod, a paddle, a swtch, a cat-of-nine-tails, an orange track from a hotwheels set, switch from a tree, dad's belt, a wooden spoon, (yep, these were all things used on me). A stern voice, a time out, restricted privileges.

  My parents did take the restrictions and the timeouts way too far, however. My mom used to send me to my room for an entire day, sometimes longer. And I was always getting month long dish duties for not washing the dishes well enough (I was 12). I had 3 brothers who never got the punishments I did because they were not like I was, they didn't have the same problems I did, but no one knew about them. Sorry I digress argh! This stuff brings up such bad memories for me! yikes!

  Ash
• 

  Abaddon

  As a 22 year-old JW, I spanked my step-son. I thought it was right... well, actually I naturally prefer using my voice... and I'm not talking about shouting as that should be left for when it's really needed to attract attention. I stern voice, yes, although it depends on the situation; I know the best telling-off I ever had as a kid was when a teacher looked at me very sadly and said "How disappointing" in a mild voice.

  But my ex hated me being stern. So we explained nicely why we were going to hit him. Or rather, me.

  Sick sick sick sick sick. I really must apologise to him someday, it really wasn't necessary, for all that I'm talking only maybe a dozen instance of over the knee and six hard spanks. But he was a tiny child. Sick sick sick sick; one of the few things I wish undone.

  I wasn't even smacked as a kid. I got my leg slapped a few times for being smart, and my dad tried to punch me in the stomuch when I was rude to mum one time, but that was it.

  It is NICE to be black-and-white about things. Intentionally attacking someone, unless you are attacking someone who is attacking you, is bad. We can dress it up pretty so it will pass in polite company, but it is bad. If you have to resort to beating a child then the problem is in the relationship you have with the child, not with the child.

  And by beating I mean any clinically administered punishment after the fact on reflection. I fully endorse the meritious effects of a good hard slap when it is justified. Run for the road, grab the hand, whack the behind, verbal reinforcement, that's fine and natural. "If you do that again I will" is only any good when you do. "Because you did this I am now going to physically assault you." is a different kettle of fish. Not to my taste.

  I have never so much as slapped either of my daughters. I am not the parent they live with, unfortunately, but they learnt so early on if I say x I mean x and not y, they don't even try unless they know they have an argument I'll find reasonable, 'cause hey, Dad's fallible too, but don't take the piss, eh? Full credit to my ex for a hell of a lot of why they are such polite young people, but she still seeks confrontation when discussion works far better. And obviously just because I'm discussing it does not mean it is a democracy, but the I say x means x thing comes in handy there. Also when they're little you can convince them anything is reasonable; the fun bit is when they call you on it.
• 

  jellybelly

  We were both spanked (smacked) as children. My husbands father used to make him go and choose the belt, then he would make him hold out his army boots at arms length and if his arms dropped he would spank him with the belt.

  My parents usually smacked me in anger or frustration on the spur of the moment, although I dont actually recall my dad ever hitting me, but I was very scared of him. My mum would hit me on the head with a brush, pull my hair, at 14 she once dragged me by my hair then threw me across the room. The wooden spoon was often used. My step dad once grounded me for 6 months, no outings, even shopping, for telling my mum to shut up.

  When we were witnesses, we used to spank our baby girl if she cried. I remember giving her a "hiding" when she was 2 out the back of the meeting for not sitting still for 2 hrs!!!! sheesh It was 3 hard smacks on the legs.

  Now we never smack our kids, and the times when they have struck out at us or each other we have explained our policy of not smacking to them, then said if they would prefer our family had a smacking policy then we would smack them every time they struck out at each other and they understood how horrible that could become. So they appreciate that we CHOOSE not to smack or hit out in our family, that we use self control and try to think of a better way of handling things and it is working beautifully. We now have an 11yo and a 6 yo that every where we go people comment on what lovelly children they are. They are confident and able to express themselves to adults, they are patient and thoughtfull.

  Spanking is just an easy way out for adults to control their children. If your best friend did something you didn't like would you punish them by hitting them? Maybe some people would. It takes a lot of self control and imagination to work out other ways of disciplining your child, without damaging them emotionally.
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  AshtonCA

  There's a difference between physical abuse and discipline spankings. Sometimes, if the child isn't Dennis The Menace a parent can even drive the point just by talking with a voice of firm authority. However, there are some children that adults just cannot reason with, only spankings will drive the point home.

  This is what my parents used to say when I was little, but let me tell you this, they have changed their tune. My parents would ask questions about what to do with me and they'd always get the same answer, just keep doing what you are doing, you will break her eventually.

  Well, it never did "break me," it just made me a very bitter adult. My parents apologized for not trying other things, but the knowledge they had on how to deal with kids like me was so limited back then. They said they screwed up, and I told them, I am trying not to hold a grudge and I plan on raising my kids differently, and I am doing that. I am raising 2 sweet little boys who don't need spankings to make them act right.

  I really do believe that spanking hard willed children does not make it better, no matter what you or anyone thinks. All it will do is make them bitter adults. It makes them afraid of authority.

  Your thinking is exactly what every JW I have ever met thinks. It is wrong thinking, it isn't healthy to do that to children and it isn't right to try to convence others that it is okay. any kind of hitting is wrong, whether it be for discipline or not.

  Ash
• 

  Dragonlady76

  Jellybelly,

  I think we could have been sisters, Thats exactly how I was treated.

  AshtonCA,

  I too have ADHD, and my parents did not know that then but knew that I was very hyper and my mom yelled/beat and me into submission when I was little, even as a teenager my mother would pinch my arms and slap my leg during the meeting for being antsy.I truly resent her for this and now I have huge authority and defiance issues.
• 

  Effervescent

  Growing up, my father (an Elder) used two forms of discipline almost exclusivley. (Its funny, I was never grounded because I wasnt allowed to go anywhere in the first place) We were sometimes told to "stand on the spot"-our form of time out, and he used a heavy wooden paddle. We were required to "bend over the couch" and hold onto the back. We got anywhere from 3 to 20 whacks or more- HARD. I remember many many times having bruises all the way from my middle back to my knees. Funny thing is... Im trying to remember what I did to deserve my spankings??? For the life of me all I can remember is the beatings, and I think thats an important point, at least for me personally. I dont want my children to have the same memories of childhood, filled with the kind of violence that was typical in my house growing up. We FEARED our father... and not in that warm fuzzy "fear of displeasing" junk that Witnesses like to talk about.

  I have found that with a little imagination, a parent can discipline their children and not have to resort to teaching them to hit. We use "the spot", taking away toys and making them loose out on opportunities. You want to see a five year old fall apart? Take away their regular weekend McDonalds Playland date! Ive found this to be far more effective than using fear. (As always- Just my opinion! )
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  pennycandy

  I have three wonderful children who have never been hit. Including a very frustrating 11-year old with ADHD. I have to really put myself in his shoes to determine what's misbehavior and what he needs help redirecting. He's harder on himself than I could ever be. My little ones know by the tone of my voice when I mean business, and usually straighten up before a time out is needed. I never let them one-up me, and I always follow through on what I say.

  Parents are protectors. It's my job to KEEP people from hurting my children, not hurting them myself. I can't imagine intentionally causing them pain, even just a slap. To me that his nothing to do with learning. That's bullying. I don't think it's okay to ever hit a child. There's ALWAYS a better way, if you're willing to put time and effort into finding it.

  That being said, I also get angry when I see undisciplined kids get away with bad behavior. That comes from not finding any alternatives to physical discipline, so they go through life just hoping their children will learn to be good. They give up the position of "the boss" to their kids and don't have any idea how to make their children take them seriously. They need a week with "Supernanny"!