Help and advice needed soon , please (page 2)

confusedjw

jgnat:I just wanted to comment that that was both observant and practical of you.
Well done.

Isn't she the tops. I wish she were my neighbor.

jgnat

Boys, you are so cute. Don't you know, you are already my neighbour? Where do I mail the cookies?

Scully

The elder from our KH agreed to do the service, and I asked Dan's family what songs they wanted, and let them carry his coffin in, even though I felt like screaming at them for not seeing him for 8 years. His eldest son rang me the night before the funeral and questioned that I wanted to sing "Abide with Me". He made me feel awful, and said his Dad wouldn't have wanted that, so even though I THOUGHT I knew Dan would have liked it, I caved-in after about 20 minutes of his sons' verbal battering, and cancelled the song. Then the service was all ?Jehovah-God? this and ?Jehovah-God? that. I felt the elder was trying to make a point. He does the Watchtower on a Sunday, and he said ?Jehovah-God? more times at Dan?s funeral than I?ve heard him say it in 3 years.

Honestly, I would be absolutely furious over this. How DARE they ignore and belittle your loving wishes for YOUR HUSBAND's funeral. You were very generous with them, which they did not deserve at all... and they turned your husband's memorial into one of their stupid little infomercials.

I like jgnat's idea of a real memorial service for your husband, with his real friends and the relatives who shared the last 8 years of his life with him. To hell with the JWs and their riding roughshod over you in your grief. You deserved so much better than that.

Love, Scully

NewLight2

Jules,

I'm so sorry for your loss! Yes, JW's can be horrible an very insensitive to non-JW's or the DF'd. My advice is to stay away from the KH, there is NO love there for you. Stay around on this board. Many have found comfort here!

Here are some web pages that will allow you to see the JW doctrine for what it really is. The Jw's are a false Mind-Control CULT.

Jehovah's Witnesses: A Critical Analysis

A Bible Study Outline

These two contain many links to important information regarding the Watchtower Society.

NewLight2's Links Page

Johannes Greber's Home Page

Here is one that deals with Mind Control and Cults
Mind Control - The BITE Model

Hope this helps, and take care,

NewLight2

Narkissos

Welcome here, Jules.

I'm so sorry for your loss, and all the JW nonsense which has been woven into your life.

Wherever love is stronger than death it has to be stronger than beliefs too.

Take care,

Didier

cruzanheart

Welcome, Jules. I am so very sorry for your loss. Your grief is so new and raw that my suggestion would be to put all questions of religion up on the shelf for now and find yourself a good support group. Check in the newspaper and with local doctors and, yes, churches, to see if there is a support group for people who have lost their spouses. And please remember that the elders are completely untrained in pastoral counseling. They will be of no use to you whatsoever and their primary intent is to get your butt back in a chair at the Kingdom Hall so they can up their stats.

Funerals and weddings are very emotional occasions and bring out the worst in ALL the relatives, so I deeply sympathize what you've been through. The first year is the toughest because you will pass all the milestones like holidays, anniversary, things you did together. But it does get easier, really it does, and there is healing. Don't deny yourself the opportunity to grieve, to be angry, to be sad. It's normal and a necessary part of healing. And try to find others who have gone through the same thing.

And feel free to vent on this forum -- that's what we're here for.

Hugs,

Nina

jules99

Dear All

I have felt so supported today, thanks, I don't know what to say really.

It's hard to be furious with them when Dan respected their views so much. But he was furious with them too! Maybe if he had lived he would eventually have realised how controlling they are.

Anyway, my son from my 1st marriage (he's 10 and a great little lad), and our Best Man, and my family, are going to have a tree-planting ceremony at one of our favourite walking spots, and we'll put Dan's ashes in the roots. Dan's ex-wife has already tried to muscle-in on this, but, short of swearing on this website I can only say that the second word will be "off". (See - feeling stronger already!).

Jules

Effervescent

Jules-

I am so sorry for your loss. I think you have come a great place to vent your frustrations and recieve wonderful advice. It has been my observation that by and far those who post here have the most helpful and insightful advice you could recieve. In an environment that you would think would be impersonal and sterile, these wonderful people have shown compassion and heart. I would offer my advice that you spend your time now with those in your life that show the same things, and lift you up, rather than beat you down and override your most heartfelt decisions.

freedom96

Jules,

I am very sorry about your loss, and I wish you only the best.

As far as what to believe and where is Dan exactly, you need to follow your heart. From my readings of the bible, I find that it talks about a heavenly hope for mankind, not what the witnesses teach. Either way, I have no doubt that your husband is being taken care of.

LittleToe

Anyway, my son from my 1st marriage (he's 10 and a great little lad), and our Best Man, and my family, are going to have a tree-planting ceremony at one of our favourite walking spots, and we'll put Dan's ashes in the roots.

That sounds lovely. There are some great walks in Lancashire (I have family near Rochdale, and used to visit them from Nottingham). I'm glad you're insisting on your way, regarding this. Dan was YOUR husband, and you have every right to have your wishes complied with. It seems they have had more than their fair chunk of the arrangements, so far, especially given they wanted little more to do with him in life.

Every blessing,
Ross.

Help and advice needed soon , please

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