Thanks, I am praying REAL hard.
VH1 - Behind the Witness. . .
by ithinkisee 34 Replies latest members private
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wednesday
cannot stand another month of field service and meetings. I need to make a break. I cannot stay at home after I leave. I can't fade quietly because I can't take the guilty looks of the congregation if they come to my house or if I see them while I am out on a business lunch at a restaurant or something. I was from a "divided household" and I can
I want to make sure I can still maintain communication with my kids. How do I do this? I feel like my wife is just going to resent me, and since we have really grown into different people I can probably deal with that. But I want her to know before that happens that I researched and provided a really strong argument. Even if she doesn't jump ship now, that what I tell her will sit with her and she will be reminded of it when she hears stuff at the meetings that don't jive.
ITIS,
There are many more qualified people on this board to help u, Alan f has already replied, so I won't attempt to advise u about fading or that. However, one thing kept bugging me as I read this, are you just ready to get out of your marriage anyway? It feels that way to me, and perhaps this is just a good reason.. B/c if u and your wife had a good relationship, I would never think that u would think of leaving before u attempted to confide to her and work it out. I have left the org, and my hubby has now stopped going himself. You could maybe save your wife, if your relationship is a good one.
Maybe the marriage has been over for some time, it sort of felt that way reading your post.
You do have a problem trying to fade with knowing so many. But think back to people in your Cong that just faded away. What excuses did they use? Depression ,work obligations, physical illness etc. there are so many ways. None will be easy to get by your wife however, and if the marriage is over, maybe it is a good time to bail.
I hope this does not sound judging b/c I am not judging u. People grow apart and marriages end.
weds
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ithinkisee
Wednesday,
No. . .that WAS the point I was trying to get across. It is pretty much over. Like I said previously the main reason I married her was because she was such a model witness girl. I mean she's attractive and has a decent sense of humor and all, but we are just two completely different people. When we met - while I was at Bethel - I was living in a fogworld of an ideal I wanted to believe in. My unbelieving father (with his "Apostate" lawyer)and my guilt-inducing JW mother (and her WTBS-sanctioned lawyer) were going through a divorce and horrid custody battle.
I was determined in that state to make sure that never happens with me. So I married up to a SOLIDLY "spiritual sister" and got as connected as I could possibly be at Bethel and in the congregation (when I left of course - I wasn't married while at Bethel). I still have good contacts there to this day.
I understand that she will be convinced I am using the Truth as an easy out. But I have wrestled with that for some time. It was YEARS ago that my questions started forming - so I really don't think I am looking for an easy out. This site has truly affected me, and not out of convenience either.
My biggest concern at the moment is to be able to still maintain contact with my girls and make sure people don't paint me to be evil in the congregation.
Thanks for your response.
ithinkisee
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wednesday
ITIS,
well, a good lawyer can maybe help u keep contact with your girls, hopefully your wife will not posion their minds against u. As far as the "painitng me as evil", that happens a lot of the time. U may be able to affect that if they think the marriage is just over, and it is not b/c you do not believe the "truth" anymore. People are willing to overlook depression and "middle age crazy" or marriage problems, but not apostacy. I don't know what your work situation is, but if u could move, even if it not very far, it would help.
welcome to the board. always glad to have more inside views of bethel.
weds
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jaredg
ITIS,
I can't give you much advice since I have never been married and don't have children but I understand how you feel about waking up to the reality of the WTS. I'll never forget the day that it finally clicked with me...I was excited yet sad at the realization that what i belived my whole life was a lie. it is hard to hadle but the freedon you gain from the truth is well worht it. yes "the truth will set you free". again welcome to the board. here you will find what you can't find anywhere else...people who understand you and what you are going through. take off your shoes and stay a while.
jared
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Dustin
Welcome. Life can be absolutely crazy sometimes. It's amazing what happens when your whole belief system goes up in smoke. I really wish I had some geat advice, or words of wisdom, but I really don't. The fact of the matter is you need to decide how you want to live the rest of your life. It's gonna get messy. But if you need to make a run for the hills to be happy, and more importantly be who you are, I'd like to be one of the first in line to wish you luck. Being born a JW is both a blessing and a curse. When we see that what we were taught all those years isn't true, I think we as former JW's tend to have a unique outlook on the world. We tend to make tougher decisions that others wouldn't have the stregnth to do. I don't know how it's all going to work out for you. The first couple of years are gonna be really tough. But hang in there, hopefully it's all worth it in the end. PM me anytime if you want to share stories. Good Luck.
Dustin
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Iskra
I too am a fader. My wife found this board just after we moved 300 miles away from home. My family except for Father are all witnesses and married to same. I am the only sibling of 5 who never was baptized. I was around witnesses for about 30 years but the more I tried to be one the more I pulled away. I travel alot with my line of work and tried to go to meetings when I was "on the road" because when you're living out of a motel and don't know anybody it just seemed natural to find new friends at the local congregations. Now thanks to high-speed internet who needs to leave the motel for anything. Its hard though not being able to talk to family I was so close too growing up. Hope things work out for you. Hang in there, there is alot of support here.
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wiegel
ithinkisee - welcome to the board and congratulations on posting so soon. I was lurking on this board for about 4 years before I registered and started posting. Your post is encouraging to me because it shows that people are continuing to "wake up" to the facts about the watchtower and are making the difficult but necessary changes to get out and stop playing the charade. I am the "consummate" fader. In the truth since 1972, the same year I put college and my life on terminal hold. D/F a couple of times, numerous "private" reproofs. I was one who told the elders everything and felt like a weak and unworthy member of the congo for most of my years there. Of course, now I see that I was "really fooled" and really followed the rules when it came to the sin thing. Being raised Catholic probably had some influence there. A few years ago, a friend of mine got a copy of "Crisis of Conscience" by Ray Franz. I was too afraid to buy the book, but since she already had it, we decided to read it together. We read about 30 mintues every day together, and the chains started to fall off of both of us. When we got to the part about the Mexican brothers being given the "go ahead" to bribe officials to get out of military service, AND how the famous Malawi persecution was due to the brothers/sisters not buying a political card (this would have been considered false worship to their leader according to watchtower even though there was only one political party in the whole country and the card would not have indicated anything more than that you were a citizen of Malawi) and how they were raped and chopped up and terrorized for this failure, THAT DID IT FOR ME! That was when Toto pulled back the curtain and I became enraged at the "wizard", just incredulous, and finally, in the end, so embarassed that I had fallen for their spew for almost 30 years. I do have family in the congregation who have chosen to have minimal contact with me. I am not d/f or d/a and I hope it stays that way. I have not been to a meeting or memorial in about 4 years, but I did escape gradually this last time. Of course, for a while I know that some expected me to return like I had done in the past. But now I had the real TRUTH and set out on a course to make sure that never happens to me again. This board has been a tremendous source of information and power for me. I have become rabidly courious about politics, making friends that love me for the person that I am, not what I believe (or pretend to), and am no longer "afraid" to go into a church, to vote, to help others in need when I can, no matter who or where they are. I believe that Jesus was once alive on the earth. I believe that he taught people how to love and care for their fellow humans. That really is a very powerful message, so BIG that it amazes me to this moment just how wrong the JWs are, how selfish, and do you really believe that God wants bigger presses to make more books that no one reads and no one can even get now unless they go to a kingdom hall???? OPEN YOUR EYES GUYS - there are suffering people from your back door to India - pharisees indeed. Ok enough for now, please send an email if you like, I will be happy to respond, you have a lot on your plate right now but you can do it. Learn all you can, but make your outward changes slow, you'll be surprised how it works out for you - I promise.
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xjw_b12
ithinkisee. Good introductory post and welcome.
Also welcome to Synergy, Check_Your_Premises, Iska and wiegel. Im seems every time I log on here, there are more and more new ones. If the WTS wants to see real growth, they should check out this boards stats.
ithinkisee. Your story is remarkably similar to 100's here before you, but reminded me specifically of the poster Shotgun. I urge you to review his threads, and see how his story unfolded. At this point it does not have the happy ending he wishes, but he has not give up in his resolve.
You can start here...and best wishes to you http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/18/55030/1.ashx
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David2002
I found your comment interesting regarding translations: "It became pretty clear to me after awhile that the Society had changed much more in the Bible than they let on - and that wasn't even the REAL reason I was looking the stuff up - I was just trying to bolster my faith." I myself have compared different Bible versions, and have concluded the NWT is an accurate translation of the Bible. I know of several former Evangelicals, who began to compare Bibles after reading an Anti-Witness book om the NWT. After researchers and comparing Bibles, they decided the NWT was actually more accurate than others. Ironically it was an Anti-Witness book on the NWT that eventually led them to the truth. Also, what were those creation quotes that you said were taken out of context. And regarding the Trinity booklet - I have read several sites, most of them seem to "copycat" each other, claiming that the Trinity booklet quotes out of context the sources listed. Several years ago, I got into a lengthy discussion with several people online, stating that they are ignoring completely the points clearly indicated in the booklet which explain why they made those quotes. I personally came to the conclusion that they were being dishonest and they refused to respond or answer several of my questions. In what way is the Catholic Encyclopedia misquoted by the Trinity booklet?