by gotcha 56 Replies latest social family
Gday Gotcha, I was just wondering about you the other day and here you are. Keep well and look after yourself.I have an artical from my own church on Homosexuality that I feel is very good. the link
http://www.spectrummagazine.org/library/columns2003/031006larson.html
Gotcha, parents must never stop learning, either. The biggest lesson I had to learn when my children hit their twenties is that I had no control over their outcome any more. Whenever I started to fear for my children and try and take control over their lives, I messed up. My children became less confident, more needy. Whenever I told my children that I trusted them to turn out just fine, they blossomed in confidence and strength.
I have had to watch them make some of the same mistakes I have, and sometimes it is agonizing to watch from the sidelines. That is, however, the burden I bear as parent. I must not interfere with their own growth and development.
You are a bright gal, I remember , so please go get some counseling like I said. It must be hard to not be a "good jw gal" and now having feelings that you feel is against society. Well, those feelings are your feelings and you have every right to them. Please get help to see that you are a worthy person, NO MATTER WHAT. If something bothers someone else, that is their problem.
I am worried, Gotcha, that you seem more concerned about your parent's happiness than your own, and that you have narrowed down your choices to only a few. None of the choices you pointed out are final; we get a million second chances in this life. I think Joy is right-on, you need an impartial outsider to help you see that you have other options.
Don't let ANYBODY take control of your life-decisions. Exiting the stage to make it "easier" on everybody else, is cheating yourself. Don't do it.
Gosh, Gotcha, your list of options sounds like my mother could have written it.
A man, any man, would have been better from her perspective.
Then, it wasn't because I was gay--she was certain I was under the influence of some hypnotic lesbian spell cast by my girlfriend (and let me tell ya, the first girlfriend couldn't cast anything much).
Then there was the whole idea that being gay was the same thing as being an alcoholic or a drug addict, and I could "stop if I wanted to." (And for those of you who are straight and think this might work, ask yourself if some counseling and prayer would make you want to be gay? Nope. Didn't think so.)
Then she suggested that I could feel gay, but just not act on it--live a celibate life alone.
And finally, she suggested it would be better if I were dead than a homosexual.
Guess what, Gotcha. She was WRONG on all counts. As you've seen from many of the responses here, healthy parents don't reject their children when they disagree with them, with they disapprove of them, or when they don't understand them. My mother was--and is--terribly unhealthy.
I've been out for 26 years now. We've had a lot of rough spots, and I'd still say that things aren't particularly good. And, since I was quite young--18--when I was first "cut off" by her (she didn't speak to me for close to nine years--I'd walk into the room, and she'd walk out), I have suffered from low self-esteem, depression and pain like only you would believe. I even attempted suicide (at 19 and again at 21).
I highly recommend therapy. It's helped me to take responsibility for myself and to accept my mother as she is. 26 years later, I've been happily partnered to a wonderful woman for 15 years, and my mother is actually pleasant to my "friend," though she still can't bear to refer to her as my partner. It's better than it was, and I've learned to live with that.
Hang in there. Feel free to pm me if you'd like.
Jankyn
thanks again peeps...
i feel that i'm not going to be happy if my family's not happy..they are very important to me..and i think even if i ask my friends about this they'll say i'm crazy..i dont think it's really normal..
@barry -- hey it's really been a long time, i'll try to check out that site..hope you're ok...could you drop me a pm thanks..
Then there was the whole idea that being gay was the same thing as being an alcoholic or a drug addict, and I could "stop if I wanted to." (And for those of you who are straight and think this might work, ask yourself if some counseling and prayer would make you want to be gay? Nope. Didn't think so.)
@jankyn - i think that i can really stop.....and u have a pm....all i can say is that your mother and mine are so so much the same...
gotcha
Then there was the whole idea that being gay was the same thing as being an alcoholic or a drug addict, and I could "stop if I wanted to."
If anyone ever says that to you, point blank ask if they made a choice to be heterosexual, and if they could be counseled into being gay or bi.
Hang tough there. We are who we are, and NO ONE should try to change that!
I just want my kids to be happy and NOT take drugs.
Cathy L.
Gotcha, I've told my story on here many times before, so I'll keep it brief. But I also struggled with this and I made the choice to "stop it." I thought I was choosing to be heterosexual. I was married twice. I didn't stop, I just internalized and made myself a very sick and angry individual. Why? Because I didn't find fulfilment in that life. I would be cleaning house or making dinner or whatever, and I would get this weird feeling like I was an actor in a play or that I was playing house. Always there was that aura of it being surreal. I didn't give up easy, either. I was married the first time for 15 years because I was supposed to. Thats what you do, you grow up and get married and you work hard at being submissive and you try your best to make your family a happy unit. That did not work out. Still I did not give up! I tried it again! What a disaster!
I finally came out at 42 after wasting my life first in a religion that imprisoned me and then in a false life that was not true to my self. I am now partnered with a woman. I love her and I love life!
You can fight and rail against who you were created to be or you can learn about who you are and get on with it. The advice about getting therapy is very good. Before you can love ANYONE, male or female, you have to learn to love yourself first.
And as a mother too, I can tell you that I support my son in whatever he does. I am not happy about all of his choices, and some of them quite frankly scare me. But then I don't know how any of us survive to adulthood after some of the boneheaded things we sometimes do. So I let him learn his own lessons in life, because those lessons we learn for ourselves are those that we keep closest to our hearts. And I am always here for him to talk to and support. We are very close and good friends.
Please feel free to pm me as well if you'd like to talk. Between several of us here we can probably give you a pretty good idea of the implications of whichever choice you make. But whatever you do, please know that you really are blessed and that you deserve happiness.
Sherry
