WOW!!! interesting response from my dad (page 3)

JamesThomas

Dear Jared,

What all this really comes down to how important is integrity to you? Is it worth living a lie, bastardizing yourself that you may be once again accepted by your family?

If integrity and honesty have little meaning to you, then lie and deceive your way into whatever situation you want. However, if being honest and true is important, then your path is already laid out. You will clearly know what you can and can not do (even if it costs you association with your family).

You can't have it both ways.

I suggest you listen closely and respectfully to your silent inner heart, and become very clear on what type of life you are going to lead; and then stand by that.

j

amac

Good luck Jared, I hope it works. One thing to consider, having a beard might slow down the reinstatement. They might look at it as being rebellious and unrepentant. If you are serious about getting reinstated as quickly as possible so you can fade, you might think of losing the beard for a while. Even better yet, start going to the meetings with the beard and then shave it after the elders notice your attendance. This might make them feel more inclined to view you as repentant. Your dad sounds like a good guy, I hope you can keep your family.

AlmostAtheist

Is it worth living a lie?

Would he really be living a lie if he only lied to the elders long enough to get back in? He wouldn't be lying to them every day, or ever again if he's careful enough to avoid them. I think this is different than a "double life" scenario. Lying all the time -- especially to friends and family -- would destroy your inner person, you couldn't have respect for yourself. But lying to some mind-controlled zombie sheep in order to trick them into not doing something awful to you (shunning) doesn't seem like quite the same thing.

I lied through my teeth to Gina's JC, didn't bother me a bit. But if I had to sit down at the Kingdom Hall every week for the rest of my life, knowing full well I was celebrating holidays and grabbing a blood transfusion when the mood strikes me, then I'd have problems.

I guess it depends on what you build your integrity on. Lying to a telemarketer to get rid of them doesn't affect me at all. Lying to Gina's parents really bothered me. I put the elders and the JC and the whole congregation on the order of the telemarketer.

(Can I assume you'll not be buying any used cars from me anytime soon? )

Dave

jaredg

James....thanks for your post. AA pretty much summed it up for me. i was DF'd for fornication which i no longer practice so I won't have to lie to the elders concerning the sin that i was DF'd for. the only thing I would have to lie to them about would be my loyalty to the WTS and I plan on avoiding that question. if they do ask me about it i'm just going to tell them that I will have to get back to them on that after i "do some research" and then talk to my dad and see what he says i should say. after reinstatement i don't plan on hanging out with any of my old JW friends, i've made new friends that love me unconditionaly, and i don't plan on being around JWs unless it's family so I have no plans on leading a double life. i'm very open with my mom and dad so they know exactly where i stand. that's what's most important to me.

JamesThomas

Good luck Jared.

It seems like a juggling act that could be stressful. I hope all works well for you.

j

frenchbabyface

Well I hope (as you seemed to be prepared for it) that you'll get what you expect out of it (for good) and not for a limited time ...

Take care

unbeliever

i was DF'd for fornication which i no longer practice so I won't have to lie to the elders concerning the sin that i was DF'd for.

what if you meet someone in the next year that you want to fornicate (i hate that word) with? shit like that happens. when you least expect it.

Swan

Good for you. I hope it works out. But here is something else to think about.

I know that when I wanted out to live my life my way, one of my family members colluded with me to try and deceive everyone with the old double life ploy so that the family could still associate with me. I told that relative that it wouldn't work, and why I could never be happy living halfway. Then I told that relative that my love was unconditional and that I wouldn't ever prevent their associating with me. The family could still associate with me all they wanted and I wouldn't ever tell the elders about their double life. Funny how the family could propose that I follow a double life, but they wouldn't live that way! It was a rather one sided compromise. So I think I made the right choice.

Perhaps circumstances will allow you to get reinstated for the sake of your family. If so, it is a really generous offer, more than most JWs are willing to give. But I notice that if the axe comes down again, it will be on your neck, not theirs. Ask them if they are willing to live the same kind of double life that they want you to live? Will they be willing to associate with you out of love if you promise to keep their double life a secret? I don't know if this will affect your decision or not, but it is one more thing to consider.

Good luck in your decision, whatever it is. I'm sure we will all support you 100% in whatever you decide is best for you, your girlfriend, and your family.

Tammy

vitty

Im fading now. If I were DFs I would get reinstated for my childrens sake (there still in)

What is 6 months? As long as your dad knows (he doesnt have to admit that to you) that your playing the game then do it

You could keep asking him for advice on the coaching bit, that will undermine the org

They have split too many families up dont let them have yours!!!!

GO FOR IT

Gretchen956

Please don't take this as a criticism of your actions, you have to do what you have to do. I'm just commenting on the need for it, and the fact that a course of action like this is somehow better to the dubs than honesty and living truthfully.

Having said that, this is the saddest most asinine thing I have ever read. Just for a moment look at this as if you knew nothing about the dubs and read it through those eyes. This is a path of deliberate lies and evasions to skirt the rules of this religion and your father, whose congregational position I don't know, is actually giving you pointers in how to do that??!!!

I am deeply thankful for having a family I sincerely don't have a wish to speak to again. My feelings and my opinions and my emotions are all out there for everyone to see. Wouldn't know how to be any other way.

What a lot they have to answer for.

Sherry

WOW!!! interesting response from my dad

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