I never thought I'd have to tell my kids....

by FreedomFrog 53 Replies latest social humour

  • GentlyFeral
    GentlyFeral

    Oh, lord.

    Well, this is mostly stuff I would have told my kids, had I known what they were up to!

    • Do not climb into the walls and hold secret meetings under the roof, just because you can. That hole in the sheetrock was cut by roofers, and it is not for little children to use as a door.
    • Do not tie up your little sister, especially not so close to a bookshelf with sharp edges. (My daughter bears a scar over her eyebrow to this day, because this experiment went wrong.
    • Do not play doctor in the back yard, just because bedsheets hanging from the clothesline give you and the neighbor children some privacy.
    • Do not wander off the property with the neighbor's little boy (at the tender age of three) just because he suggests a cool-sounding field trip.

    This one I could have prevented had I known a little more biology:

    • Do not give your little sister a lizard to hold while you introduce your pet kingsnake to it. Kingsnakes eat snakes and lizards, and their teeth are sharp. (Truthfully, my son wasn't being malicious; we were all ignorant.)

    gently feral

  • SixofNine
    SixofNine
    I never thought I'd have to tell my kids....

    That "your mom died in a horrible plane crash today". Oh, I knew it was wrong to say, but they were getting on my last nerve!

  • simplesally
    simplesally

    "Ok, honey, don't bite anybody today."

    "Yes, f*ck is a bad word"

    "Please don't tell the dog you are going to kick his a$$"

  • FreedomFrog
    FreedomFrog
    "Please don't tell the dog you are going to kick his a$$"

    ROFL

    ophs...mom, how'd ya explain THAT one?

  • keeshah
    keeshah

    "Please don't tell the dog you are going to kick his a$$"

    You must have an angel compared to my 2 year old! I have to tell him...

    "Please don't stick your finger up the dog's butt."

  • under74
    under74

    to my nephew I said:

    PUT THE KNIFE DOWN NOW.

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    "Don't cross your eyes or they will get stuck that way."

    "Calm down. Crazy monkeys are NOT trying to crawl through the window and get you, it is the wind in the trees."

  • xjw_b12
    xjw_b12

    There IS a Santa Claus !

  • under74
    under74

    just remembered one more I told my nephew--

    NO. NO. NO. You cannot become "King of America" by killing the "main guy."



  • confusedjw
    confusedjw
    just remembered one more I told my nephew--

    NO. NO. NO. You cannot become "King of America" by killing the "main guy."



    Is your nephew Stewie?

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