by wordlywife 57 Replies latest jw friends
Have you tried talking to him, with him cold-shouldering you?
Does he know you're feeling sick?
Even without the above two conditions being met, the situation sounds a little childish.
If this is the "punishment" you get for speaking your mind, you've gotta wonder about the health of the relationship. Counselling might be good for both of you... if you can get him to go (coz "Momma WTS" doesn't like that).
JWs do not respect for what other people believe.
They're right, everybody else in the whole wide world is wrong, and they've taken upon themselves to try and change us all to their view point.
Best not touch the religion subject with your husband, or it'll be a constant battle in your home. Of course, unless you want to change over to his side.
DY
He has childhood issues: severe abuse, not related to being a witness. Becoming a witness did not occur until young adulthood, all on his own. He did not grow up in that faith. This stonewalling behavior is a direct response to how he had to cope when a child. When feeling threatened or this happens. It has just never ever happened before over religion, or me interrupting him, or correcting him, or whatever is was I did.
He will not return to counseling, but he does not have a witness objection to it. It is just too painful for him. He pays for his own grown children to go to counseling, so that is not an issue. It is his inability to open up, inability to trust, and fear of not having control of his emotions.
This is a tough tough tough situation, and I thank all of you who have given me your opinions thoughts and ideas. This place has been invaluable to me, as I did consider (half heartedly) the witnesses way of life very seriously at one time, but was never ever comfortable with much of it. I liked a few of the messages message (of no trinity, no hell), but not the method (mind numbing publications, talks, shunning, expectations, reporting your "friends").
WW
Wishing I hadn't been so headstrong, interruptive, whatever. I feel like I have done something incredibly and irrevocably wrong.
Look ... to me if there is a personne who take/took him as a MAN it's YOU (I mean you marry him) OK !!! ... if being what you are is incredibly wrong (well maybe, only you can tell from details we might don't know about)
BUT : actually it's all about him, and you (who's got the right to interfer ???)
As an Example I would take my sis who's a JW ... she have bich ways (excuse my french) when talking even to her husband (nervous as hell, yelling and stuff, interrupting him etc, etc ... but she's like that with everybody ... actually the Elders are scared of her cause she don't mind speaking out what she thinks even against them ... ), so they pressured on him (of course it's easier ... talking about having balls ... and as a smart guy (even brainwashed) that's how he did translate their reactions just for what it is for real (their own weaknesses about the matter) ... cause when his wife is right he supports HER PERIOD !)
But when you look closely you know who's wearing the pant ... and believe me it's not her and not him (good balance). But Of course the Elders can't see that () he have been reprooved and HE JUST DON'T CARE (that's a man who knows his own value without expecting anyone to tell about it) CALM, CLEAR, FUNY, WITTY and truly LOVABLE.
It certainly sounds like he needs the right kind of professional help, and that's not a criticism.
The JW thing is probably setting up all sorts of conflicts in his mind and heart. He wants to be perfect, but can't meet their demands, especially on his beliefs (such as sanctity of life).
I don't envy him - it's a miserable situation to be in!
I find the Headship crap is just a means for a usurper man or women to ruin a happy family with the fodder to pummel each other if they get out of line, or does not meet their expectations. If anything is from the devil this idea is, it made me so dam miserable in my past marriage I could have vomited, some women and men are just looking for any means to have power over the other because their inner child is messed up. Watch Tower take your headship B.S. and put it in your buttox.
Dear Wife of the World:
You are smart. Your children should be raised as YOU want them raised. Sure, he can offer input, but if it's not to YOUR liking, it will not be to your children's liking either. Discrimination, bigotry, and hate have no place in the raising of children. That is the STYLE of the JW's. They are arrogant in thinking that their way is the ONLY way, and that is just plain wrong. Christianity is not a religion, it's a relationship.
This may sound really harsh, but ... you would be committing your children to a life of hell if you let him raise them as JWs. You would be betraying your own flesh and blood. Are you going to let HIM decide if they need a blood transfusion or not? I certainly hope not. As a step-father, he is coming into this family as a person that is adult, but not one that can take command, as their father would be. It's just not the same. You have to make a firm stand and say your children will NOT be raised as JW's, because you don't want them to. You are their natural mother, and what you say goes. If it causes the defeat of the marriage, then so be it, because he doesn't have you, or your children's, best issues at mind. He may *think* he does, but that is just because of the mindset that these JW men have.
He told you, before he was reinstated, how it would be. Is he still keeping his part of the bargain? If not, then he is disrespecting you.
As far as you having a child together, he still can take THIS child to the meetings, because it's half his. You can STOP him from telling YOUR kids stuff, with a Court Order, but as far as him telling his own progeny stuff, it's an uphill battle.
It's very complicated, but as you said, you earn a good living. I know you don't want to break up your marriage, but if he was going to try to raise your kids, and HIS kid, in this religion, I'd stop it full brakes. Do you earn enough to support *all* the kids on yoru own? That is what maybe you may have to be prepared to do. My husband beat me, and I wasn't prepared to let my son live through that, so I left in one day. It was one of the most scary decisions of my life, but I did it, and am glad I did it.
Country Girl
Actually about my sis story ... it have been a time when he felf miserable about the matter (it's important to tell you about it) ... but it didn't take that long for him to take over ... a question of communication (and love of course). Eddited to add (in knowing it wasn't easy with HER)
Conseilling might be a good idea (from an external point) not his (JW's) not yours (r(elatives or accointances) but Professionals ... to be fair to both of you ...
Just in case any of you check back on this thread, finally we talked last night and remarkably have come to agreement. He does respect my right to my owen beliefs and to teach the girls the same. He says he is worried for them though (because I have no proof to any WHY questions they might ask), but I said I don't have all the answers, but was happy for him that he feels he does, for him. We have agreed to disagree. And, as far as the new baby goes, we will share in takin gturns with bringing child to KH and my church. This is not to say I don't get nervous about that idea in the future.
He must be different than a lot of other JW men. From what I have read here some insist on their way or the highway??
Anywho, just wanted to let anyone know how this was resolved, but that I do expect more disagreements to come. I hope that some day he tires of the whole process of BEING JW. (Meaning the constant study, meetings, etc.) It is a tiresome process.
Thanks again all-
WW
He must be different than a lot of other JW men. From what I have read here some insist on their way or the highway??
He's torn between his devotion to you and his devotion to the cult.
It may well be a tug-of-war that continues indefinitely. As he gets more comfortable in his new way of life, he will keep on facing these kind of conflicts and hope they just go away. He sees the situation as life-threatening and he WILL have something to say about the rearing of HIS child.
At least that's the common story. I hope it proves different...
(((hugs)))
