As far as any "explaining" goes, I did that (extensively) when *I* wrote back in '99. I know my father felt that I "broke up the family" and he was furious when I didn't send him a B'day card after I was baptized.
I took full blame and said that I honestly thought that I was "pleasing God" with my new lifestyle but now realize that I had been deliberately deceived into a cult-like mindset and was now begging their forgiveness. I heard later on that they all scoffed at my petty letters to them and that they'd never want anything to do with me.
My Mom died 2 1/2 years ago (hating me) and my Father is almost 90 and has gone downhill mentally and physically since my Mom died. He still won't speak to me---but he did send some of my childhood pictures for my son to give to me.
After I realized that the WTS was a crock, and I left having no one but my husband that would speak to me (nonJW), those letters I wrote were from the heart and gut-wrenching to write. I decided a couple of years ago that I needed to stop seeing myself as a starving dog under the table praying for crumbs of food or having any love returned.....and made up my mind that I was all done begging.
They all knew my feelings and why, and I wasn't just being malicious---I was doing what I thought was right. I admitted that I now know I wasn't and *it* wasn't. I'm not trying to sound hard-nosed, but I think it's time that *I* got a little love back as I have said all that I *could* say. Years ago.
What I'm trying to say is that I'm open for discussion but I'm done groveling and begging, ya know? I've been on "doormat mode" with most of my family and 30 years of "friends" from the KH who were the only friends I had cuz I was a loyal JW and didn't have "worldly" friends. I got it both barrels---I was shunned by my family *because* I became a JW, and then shunned by the JWs after I left!
Needless to say----it's been interesting!
Annie
