Steaming Angry - Forced to explain Shunning to my 5year old daughter!!!

by chok 37 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  franklin J

  Hi Chok,

  Congrats on the new arrival; new babies always bring good cheer!

  As for the shunning; DO NOT WORRY YOURSELF; or upset your 5 year old child about it. My kids are a bit older and I think older kids could understand and cope with it. Tell the five year old that Auntie was not feeling well that particular day and could not stop to chat. End of story. The young ones buy anything you tell them and are usually satisfied. They could not understand the shunning.

  Forget the bunch of them. We cannot justify why they do it, they will never accept our side of the story ; and so our lives are better off without them. Your former in laws will someday have to accept the consequences of their actions with your children; and you will have built a new life with a new spouse.

  Good luck, Frank
• 

  cyber-sista

  Worse still ...when individuals try to work towards re-instatement, they are treated like spiritual lepers and the humiliation they have to endure before being welcomed back into the org is a disgrace...it reflects the attitude of the brother in the parable of the prodigal son and not the compassion of the father who ran out to meet his son , while still along way off...

  Raphael--good points in your writing

  Pintail--Your story about your little daughter really choked me up. So sorry you had such a rough go of it. the WT and it's condtional love program (we will only love you if you are working for the WT Org) really stinks.

  Chok....To shun a pregnant women and a little child should be against the law. I have come to the conclusion over the past months that JW-ism breeds mental and social retardation in its member. We were told that shunning members who went astray was a loving thing and the best thing for them, as it would make them see the errors of their ways. Seeing the other side of it now--the shunning accomplishes nothing, but pushing a person further away from the Organization who promote this hateful act.

  Hugs to all...

  cybs
• 

  Gerard

  What I am finding hard to cope with is how that shunning will affect my children.

  Tell your children over and over to not feel inapropriate nor offended by the shunning. That your children have no problem but the stOopid cult is wrong in forcing his aunt/uncle to do this.
• 

  chok

  To Wanna and all you others who seem intent on keeping your moral JW highground that you seem so accustomed too.

  I have spent years justifying my actions, making decision to please the powers that be. Marrying for the sake of pleasing parents and others alike. Stuck things out for nine years probably to detriment of my own sanity and the well being of my children.

  I would never put the happiness of my children in second place. You dont know me, or the full extent of my circumstannces and therefore have no right to stand up and judge me.

  I came on this site for support in leaving a cult, not for some comments of people who obviously still think that life should take a certain course and if it deviates from the "perfect" course then you are less of a person.

  My 5 year old daughter, no longer jumps when she hears adults slightly raising their voices, she no longer clings to my legs for comfort and protection. She is happy with the contact she still has with her father, and has settled into a stable family routine with her new step-father. She is also looking forward to the birth of her new brother/sister.

  If you have nothing helpful to say then I suggest you keep your callous comments to yourself. I have judged enough over the years and especially this year to last a lifetime.

  Maybe if you spent less time doing the sums and more time looking at the real issue that I raised you might be able to offer some helpful advice.

  I guess this isnt the forum I thought it was.

  Chok
• 

  chok

  Thank you to all of you who have offered positive comments.

  I'll be just fine thanks!

  Chok
• 

  lonelysheep

  My daughter is almost 5...me personally, though I'm not going through that, will tell her that those actions are not what true christians do!
• 

  jwbot

  to chock: Some people seem quick to judge a mother who gets out of a bad marriage (see a recent thread I started about my sister). I am still steaming a little myself...but remember, there are tons more offering support rather than judgement here! ((chok))
  
  Hang in there!
• 

  Sassy

  oh Chok, I feel so bad for you and your children. Even when I was a dub, I hated shunning. I never shunned anyone, including family. (My sister has been dfd for 16 yrs).

  I do remember what it was like when I was a dub and my first husband was dfd and having people cross the street (not at a crosswalk) to avoid running into us and the children who were toddlers at the time, wondering why?

  It's such an unloving organization. We couldn't see it as much when we were in, because of the brainwashing they did to us.. It's just so sad.. I wish there were better answers for you..
• 

  LittleToe

  jwbot:

  ... but remember, there are tons more offering support rather than judgement here! ((chok))

  A point that is all too often lost in the moment. Well put!

  (((chok)))
• 

  chok

  Thanks Littletoe and all other who were supportive.

  I'll put my rant down to my circumstances and raging pregnant hormones.

  Love Chok

  xxx