I refused a shepherding visit !

by phil78 25 Replies latest social current

  • phil78

    Well, it had to happen. My first opportunity to show my new colours. Had a phone call today from the elder who takes our bookstudy. (I havent been for close to 1 yr)

    He said: " Phil, brother X and myself would like to pop aroung sometime soon to see how you and your family are going."

    I said: "You mean a shepherding visit?"

    "Um, yes"

    " well, you see, i kinda know what you're going to say, so i'd rather give it a miss."

    "well, even i dont know that yet, we'll just play it by ear when we get there. Is friday evening o.k?"

    "mate, if its ok with you, i'd prefer it if you didn't come around. I dont mean to be rude."

    "Well, ok. No worries. I'll be in touch. " And he hung up.

    Can I get into trouble for refusing a shepherding visit. This is my second refusal, although last time i said we were going away (OK, i lied). They will probably just drop in now, un-announced. Whats the rules? What could he do?

    I'm not overly worried - dont get me wrong. We were just hoping to drift away quietly, didn't want to make any waves. Should i be up-front with them, or just keep stalling, and hope they go away?


  • under74

    hmmm, that's a hard call. Is there the possibility of it causing family troubles? If so, maybe you'd want to tip toe around it. But if you're not worried about that then I don't see what problem there is in being up front.

    I know there are others on the forum that have managed fading quietly so maybe they'll have some better advice to give you.

    All the best to you and your family.

  • Gill

    Tip toe round it and keep stalling!

    As the years go by, they'll get the message without you having to say anything at all.

    Good luck! And don't forget, as time goes by it gets easier and easier.

  • Room 215
    Room 215

    No worries, Phil....

    Since the elder who phoned you was likely prodded by a circuit overseer, or maybe one of the presiding overseer's New Years resolutions to revive shepherding calls, he's probably just as relieved as you are not to have to show up. After all, thanks to you, he can now check you off his list and move on to the next poor victim.

  • blondie

    The only way you can get in trouble for refusing a "shepherding" visit is that they lied and it is really a judicial investigation. Since you specifically asked for clarification on the type of call, I don't see a problem. I'm sure they are frustrated but they may just be covering ther behind. This about the time of year they start thinking about calling on inactive and DF'd/DA'd JWs. Most COs have a directive from the WTS to check up on the elders to make sure they do this.

    But he is pretty persistent and not honest with himself. The elders pretty much know what they are going to say; they either have a canned script or they have something specific that has prompted their call.

    "well, even i dont know that yet, we'll just play it by ear when we get there. Is friday evening o.k?"

    At least they called, many elders around here drop by unannounced.


  • Maverick

    Remember the local yokels make up their own rules on these things. Besides who really are these men? They're just some guys who are better than average suck-ups and were told by a book printing company that God has blessed them and they are stupid enough to believe it! If anyone needs some spiritual guidence it's them!

  • Sunspot

    After many months of being ignored (when I was still "in"), I finally got to the point where I would *rather* have them leave me alone-my choice! When I was called for my "time" (the ONLY time I was thought of) I wrote to the PO and told him that I had a LOT of thinking to do (and gave specifics) and that I would let THEM know if and when I w0uld like a Shepherding call!

    Bad move. From that point on they were banging on the door morning-noon-and night wanting to talk. I ignored the door and the phone. The more they tried the more determined I got NOT to allow them the "hold" over me that they thought was their right. I ended up posting a sign on the front door that any JWs were not welcome and that the law would be called if they tried to contact anyone in this home.

    They DO get really pushy. My hubby (never a JW) was approached several times at work (by the elders), to ask HIM why I didn't answer the door! They *always* happened to stop by moments after hubby left for work, which times varied each day. They HAD to be watching the house. So expect anything and everything they can dish out under the heading of intimidation----oops, I mean loving concern.



  • Why Georgia
    Why Georgia

    Since you said you know what they are going to day....are they going to pervert and twist your words.

    Might they say now that you are claiming to be Psychic?

    I know that probably sounds wierd but they pervert and mess up even the most simple of words.

    Watch out because if they are looking for reasons to cause you trouble or get you off the books any little thing can be used against you.

  • JustTickledPink

    I always find the best way to shut anyone up is to say "no thank you" and end it. There is NO need for you to give any explanation, excuse, or anything else. Just simply state over and over "no thank you" if you say you're busy, they will say "when is a good time" if you say you're going on vacation "they will say when are you coming back" etc....

    Just simply say no. They can't do anything else then.

    Good luck. I hope it's just the once a year call.

  • undercover
    He said: " Phil, brother X and myself would like to pop around sometime soon to see how you and your family are doing."

    We're doing good, Brother Y. I tell you what would really be enjoyable...why don't you and Sister Y come by one evening for dessert and coffee. We'd love to catch up with you, we haven't seen you in a while. I think we'd have a grand time.

    He would say something like: "Well, um, Brother X and I are conducting sheparding calls, that's the purpose of our visit."

    Oh, I see. That wasn't made clear I guess. You are still welcome to come by for dessert and coffee. We'd love to visit and catch up. If you prefer to bring Brother X instead of your wife, well that's up to you. Mrs. Phil will be a little upset to not to be able to see Sister Y.

    He would say something like: "This isn't a social call. We're coming to see why you aren't comiing to meetings and hopefully encourge you to come back."

    Well, Brother Y, I don't need encouragement. I am quite satisifed and happy with where I am at spiritually. I have always considered you a friend and I still do. You are welcome anytime in my home to visit socially. However, if your purpose is official Society business, then I am going to have to decline your offer.

    He would say something like: "I'm sorry you feel that way. I guess we'll respect your wishes and not call on you then."

    That's up to you Brother Y. I've already told you that you are welcome anytime as a friend. I'll take it that your not wanting to visit at all means that our friendship wasn't that important to you. At least I know where I stand with you now.

    He would say something like: "Well, um, um...I guess I have to go now..."

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