Public talk over time

by ballistic 15 Replies latest social humour

  • ballistic

    An old age bethelite elder gives a special public talk at a kingdom hall and rambles on for some time. After two hours, he mumbles, "sorry if I have gone over-time but I left my watch at home." An over-zealous ministerial servant in the front row stands up and says, "it's ok, there's a calendar behind you!"

  • Gill


    Been there and seen that! Reminds me of some old GB dude who gave the talk at an assembly in Twickenham, and went about three quarters of an hour overtime. By the time they'd finished the toilets were CLOSED. My dad drove at 110 mph down the motorway to the first services. Don't know what happened to the people on coaches though.

  • The JellyBaby
    The JellyBaby

    ...Then he'd get up to do the closing prayer wouldnt he...and do a Public Talk part 2.That used to really bug me. Anymore than a couple of minutes, and I'd start looking around, watching everyone clinging onto the chair in front of them, helping them to stay standing up, heads would shake, some old sisters would literally have to sit back down!!

  • unclebruce

    G'day Ballistic,

    Then of course there's the more preferable problem of "Meeting Undertime".

    My pioneer partner and I decided to attend the neighbouring congregations Public Talk & Watchtower (to raid there literature cupboard actually).

    Enfield congregation was chocker block full of very elderly JWs - many from racially diverse backgrounds, croats, hungarians, poles, slovaks etc.. with more remnant to the acre than anywhere else in the southern hemisphere..

    After the opening song the PO anounced thaty as the Public Speaker hadn't shown up we'd have the Wartchtower study first. I have never witnesed a faster "study" in my life.

    Bro Heading: Why do we give JEHOVAH PRAISE?

    Sister Elderly: Because if we don't we'll die at Armagedon

    Bro Heading: Yes, correct and the next question...

    Brother heading flew through that watchtower study like there was no tommorrow and I was awestruck by the stupidity of the answers - I swear over half the answers were "because if we don't we'll die at Armagedon!" Being a zealous young pioneer, proud of 'watchtower scholarship', I was apaulled and more that a little amused..(maybe I was just weak in the truth or something).

    It was a 23 minute Watchtower study at the end of which Bro Heading anounced that since the speaker still hadn't shown up we'd sing the closing song. It was fantastic - under 30 minutes and we were free to go home! whoo hoo! (and I noticed Bro Heading fly off somewhere in his car - probably spying on some poor lonely sex deprived sod)

    Watchtower Study Undertime - a rare but much underated morale booster.

    After the meeting the suspicious ethnic old bro behind the literature counter refused to give us much "literature" - bastard! (put us right off raiding other Kingdom Halls for stuff


    Not long after this Bro Heading had a newborn son. He named him Richard.

    Dick Heading would be about 30 now .. if you see this - Hi Dick

  • upside/down

    One time in Lincoln Nebraska at the DC, the GB dude gave a 12 minute+ closing prayer.... I was pissed. Are any of those guys enrolled in the Theo School? Oh no that's right they "wrote the book".

    When he finally finished I blurted our (rather loudly) HAAAA LEEE LUUU JAAAH !!! Apparently it came out much louder than expected and it was stone quiet around me.

    My kids laugh about it to this day!!! (their dad is sooo embarassing!)


  • Little Red Hen
    Little Red Hen

    UD - That was you at the Devaney? Woke me up at the top of the arena, you did!

  • Mastodon

    LOL...Oh those 15 minute long prayers at the end of the last day of the assembly. You're tired, hungry, tired of being in a tie and suit or the ladies in high heels. You just want to go and the guy won't stop praying. It's llike they're doing it in purpose just to *f* with you. AAARGGGH!!! BY the end of that prayer I was doing my own little prayer, asking for the brother to fall dead on that platform...and that's when I said 'Amen". I'm evil, I know.

  • JH

    I was always starving for spiritual physical food half an hour before the end of the meetings, and when the meeting finished 1 minute later than expected, I was angry.

  • upside/down

    LRR- I swear to "God" I was wondering if anyone here had ahem... heard me.



  • unclebruce

    LOL @ Mastadon my feet are aching thnking about it!

    .. we thank you Jehovah for our christian fellowship .. we thank you Jehovah for the sandwiches ...we thank ... hey now I know why some posts are soooo long winded!

Share this