My JW mom refuses to attend my wedding!?!?!?

by d_yell 41 Replies latest jw friends

  • d_yell

    OK...I just don't understand this. I am getting married in a few months and I thought this would be the happiest part of my life. Right now it is the most agonizing! To give some background info: My mother joined the "truth" when I was about 7 years old. I grew up in the truth [never baptized, though] until my mom was disfellowshipped. Since has since been "reinstated" (I think that's what it's called) and is walking the straight and narrow path.

    When I told her I was getting married she was happy for me. When I told her that the ceremony would take place in a CHURCH, she went balistic. She went on to tell me that she would not be able to attend; that she would double-check with the brothers.

    What's the big deal? I truly believe she is blowing things out of proportion! It's not like I asking her to church service....for crying out loud!

  • mrsjones5

    Ok take a breather my dear. Yes this supposed to be the happiest time of your life but speaking from experience it may be one of the most stressful.

    You said that your mother has been associated with the witness since you were 7 and recently got reinstated, so i'm assuming you already knew what her reaction would be to having your wedding in a church.

    I do have a few questions though: Do you personally attend this church or does your soon to be hubby? Have you considered having the wedding in a neutral place like a wedding chapel or some other appropriate place? Do you truely want your mother at your wedding?

    I understand it's your wedding but there are ways to get around your mother and still have a beautiful ceremony.

    Now breathe deep it's gonna all work out and after you'll think "what was all the fuss about?"


  • Golf


    You are absolutely correct! In 1962 I was a JW and I got married in a Church to a non-JW! Nothing happened! Family attended with no hitches.


  • lonelysheep

    She should be allowed to attend. When I started studying, I was told it was ok to attend weddings in churches because "marriage is something Jehovah created".

    I hope for your sake she loosens up a bit.

  • d_yell

    Thanks for the warm welcome! answer your questions:

    1. Neither I nor my fiance' attend this church. We're from two different cities and I wanted to get married at "home".
    2. We had thought about having it at a neutral location, but my fiance' feels very strongly about having a church wedding. I don't think it is fair for me to deny him this. After all, he has chosen a faith and I'm the one who has no ties to any religious denomination.
    3. Yes, I truly want my mother at my wedding which is why I made a slight adjustment in my plans to have the reception at a dining hall (which was a little more costly than using the church for the entire event)!

    The thing that bothers me the most in all of this is that my mother HAS ATTENDED other church weddings before. I would be much easier to follow if she had never attended other people's weddings before.

  • blondie

    While technically it is a personal decision, note this manipulative passage:


    4/15 p. 26 Weddings That Honor Jehovah ***

    But what about attending weddings of neighbors, worldly fellow workers, or distant relatives and acquaintances? Each Christian must personally decide on this. It is good to bear in mind that our time is precious, since we need time for our ministry, personal study, and other family and congregational pursuits. (Ephesians 5:15, 16) On weekends, we have meetings and field service that we do not want to miss. (Hebrews 10:24, 25) The timing of many weddings conflicts with assemblies or special service efforts linked to the Lord?s Evening Meal. We should not permit ourselves to become distracted from making the same special efforts that our brothers around the world are making to attend the Lord?s Evening Meal. Before coming to a knowledge of the truth, we spent much time with worldly people, perhaps in circumstances that dishonored God. (1 Peter 4:3, 4) Now our priorities are different. It is always possible to wish a worldly couple well by sending a card or dropping in for a brief visit on another day. Some have used such occasions to give a witness, sharing some scriptures that are fitting for newlyweds


    So the Memorial is one day (maybe even the whole week), 2-1-3 (6) days for assemblies. So how much time is that? Notice they say "distant" hardly are that.


    12/15 pp. 766-768 Questions from Readers

    ? What is the view of Jehovah?s witnesses toward attending the wedding of a worldly acquaintance or relative?

    In the case of minors who contemplate attending, the final decision rests with the parents. Otherwise it is a matter for personal decision, with each Christian being willing to bear his own responsibility. However, there are Scriptural principles and a wide variety of circumstances that should be considered.

    The wedding ceremony may be conducted in a religious building and by a clergyman. This would make it quite different from a purely civil ceremony. A true Christian could not conscientiously join or participate in any prayers or religious exercises that he knew to be contrary to Bible teaching. Nor is he interested to see how close he can come to apostate acts without overstepping the line. He is under obligation to heed the Scriptural command: "Do not become unevenly yoked with unbelievers. For what fellowship do righteousness and lawlessness have? . . . Or what portion does a faithful person have with an unbeliever? . . . ?Therefore get out from among them, and separate yourselves,? says Jehovah, ?and quit touching the unclean thing.?"?2 Cor. 6:14-17.

    Understandably, one invited to attend a wedding of worldly relatives and acquaintances may at times be faced with quite a problem. For example, the invitation may have been extended to a Christian wife and her unbelieving husband. He may think that both of them should be present for the wedding. Yet she may be troubled about it. She may reason that, if she were to attend a church wedding, the emotional pressure of the circumstances could cause her to do something wrong. On the other hand, she might conclude that, out of regard for her husband?s wishes, she could go with him merely as a respectful observer, but being determined not to share in any religious acts.

    Regardless of how a wife might view the matter, it would be to her advantage to explain her position to her husband. If, on the basis of her explanation, he comes to the conclusion that his wife?s presence may possibly give rise to a situation unpleasant to him, he may prefer to go alone. Or, he may still want her to go with him, but as a quiet observer, in which case she will have to decide whether to go.

    Something that deserves consideration is the effect that attending a wedding in a religious building might have on fellow believers. Could it injure the conscience of some? Might their resistance to engaging in actual idolatrous acts be weakened by this action of yours? A Bible principle that comes into the picture is: "Make sure of the more important things, so that you may be flawless and not be stumbling others up to the day of Christ."?Phil. 1:10; see also 1 Corinthians 8:9-13.

    At times an invitation to a wedding may include being actively involved as a member of the bridal party. What if this required participation in certain religious acts? Manifestly one desiring to be pleasing to God could not share in acts of false religion; the person must act in harmony with his Word. But a Christian could explain just how he feels and point out that in no way does he want to mar the joy of the wedding day by being responsible for what might prove to be an embarrassing situation.

    In matters of this nature, Christians must carefully weigh all the factors involved. Under certain circumstances they may conclude that no difficulties would arise if they were to attend as quiet observers. On the other hand, the circumstances may be such that a Christian may reason that likely injury to his conscience or that of others by attending such worldly wedding outweighs the possible benefits of attending. Whatever the situation, the Christian should make sure that his decision will not interfere with his preserving a good conscience before God and men.

  • Country Girl
    Country Girl

    Don't you just love how these people, by making these stupid choices, can warp what should be the happiest day of someone's life, and radically demand that plans be altered to accomodate them?

    We did that for my wedding. We had to get a JP to officiate over our wedding at a mansion, or she wouldn't come. BUT... because I wanted her to be there, I acquiesced. Although my husband would have preferred a minister, we did it to compromise, which if you really think about it, is not a compromise.


  • vitty

    We went to a non witness family wedding, in a church, some of my family went in no problem.Some waited outside

    There was a few words, weather we should or not, my sister said she felt she had to make a stand for Jehovah as its satans house, There are plenty of scriptures about not putting your concience on others, just cant think of one at the moment.

  • TresHappy

    I know many Witnesses who have attended weddings in churches. However most observe, that is to say, they sit at the back, don't participate in any part of the ceremony like the tradition of walking the mom of the bride down the your mom could technically show up but not participate in any of the religiousness of it and still be "OK", however when I married a few years ago, I knew if I had a wedding in a church my parents wouldn't come unless I "jehovahized" it and diluted my wedding to suit her needs. That's why I chose to get married in the Caribbean.

  • Preston

    We had talks in our congregation that took the position on attending a wedding in a church as a conscience matter, but the presiding overseer asked us if we would want to be at a church for a wedding if by coincidence God decided to destroy it that day....

    &*%^$ zoning laws!

    - Preston

    P.S.-- Some of the people in our congregation who werei nvited to weddings waited outside instead of going in.

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