Marriage question (page 2)

SixofNine

Question us? The whole damn elder body insisted on watching us copulate on our wedding night. Talk about pressure!

MungoBaobab

If you were married by an elder, now that you're out, do you feel that somehow your marriage is less valid?

From what I can understand, there used to be quite a big deal made about what was and wasn't acceptable 'bedroom behaviour' between married couples; some even feeling the need to confess to embarrased (envious) elders about their partners demands after marriage. Crisis of Conscience delves into it a bit.... As far as I know there has been a big U-Turn on it hough, now being left to the couple to decide what is and isn't appropriate, as they will ultimately have to answer to J for it anyway.

From personal experience, I never was counselled about appropriate sexual relations when I got married the first time... but during a meeting for field service an elder did bring up the question of whether a '69' is acceptable or not!!!!

I wonder what was on his mind ????

Bull!

jgnat

The Secret to Family Happiness book, I recall, counsels partners to not deprive each other of their "Marriage Due". Why yes, here it is, under "If Marriage is at the Breaking Point".

Para 11 Therefore, the Bible commands married Christians: "Let the husband render to his wife her due; but let the wife also do likewise to her husband." (1 Corinthians 7:3) Notice that the emphasis is on giving - not demanding. Physical intimacy in marriage is truly satisfying only if each partner is concerned about the good of the other. For example, the Bible commands husbands to deal with their wives "according to knowledge." (1 Peter 3:7) This is particularly true in giving and receiving the marriage due. If a wife is not treated tenderly, she may find it difficult to enjoy this aspect of marriage.

Para 12 There are times when marriage mates may have to deprive each other of the marriage due. This might be true of the wife at certain times of the month or when she is feeling very tired. (Compare Leviticus 18:19.) It may be true of the husband when he is dealing with a serious problem at work and feels emotionally drained. Such cases of temporary suspension of rendering the marriage due are best handled if both partners frankly discuss the situation and agree by "mutual consent" (1 Corinthians 7:5) This will prevent either partner from jumping to wrong conclusions. If though, a wife wilfully deprives her husband or if a husband deliberately fails to render the marriage due in a loving way, the partner may be left open to temptation...

starfish422

I did go on a bible study with my mom once where she mentioned that "certain forms of sexual behaviour aren't Biblical". I was 16; quite naive; and I questioned her later as to what forms these might include. LOL

She stared, stammered, and then managed to spit out something aout sex outside of marriage. Like, yeah, right; that's totally what you were driving at. **rolls eyes**

**edited to add: Rabbit, your story KILLED me!! :)

Rabbit

It WAS the most embarrassing thing I've ever been thru. When we left...my soon to be bride says,"I am so sorry, I had NO idea that's what she wanted to talk about." We could hardly LOOK at each other.

Jez

Nope, no sex talk at all from elders even though everyone knew I had ran away from home, lived with my first husband and his father in their house, then lived with his grandmother....still let us get married in a KH and never asked, "Have you had sex yet?"

Jez

iiz2cool

Sister Eldress proceeded to rule out, oral and anal sex, sex from "behind", masturbation and mutual masturbation, neither of us could 'touch' the others genitals because..."it might cause un-natural excitement like masturbation"

So, how exactly are people supposed to have sex if they're not supposed to 'touch' each others genitals? Is sex becoming a non-contact sport for the JWs?

Dammit, if sex has to be that strictly legislated I'd rather watch TV.

Walter

Seeking Knowledge

So what is the procedure in the JW faith to get married?? I ask because when my ex married his current wife, one of our mutual friends was bewildered about the ceremony, but didn't elaborate too much. Something about they weren't married in a KH, they were sitting up on a platform during the ceremony & how "strange" the ceremony itself was. What's the marriage talk?? does that happen during the ceremony? Enquiring minds......

roybatty

As elders, it was a "don't tell. don't ask" WT policy. "Good" JW couples wouldn't do certain things, even in the privacy of their owh bedroom, and elders wouldn't go snooping around. The only diretion I can recall was a CO or maybe it was at an elder's school which basically said the elders should only act if someone in the congregation is going around and openly stating that they're having oral sex.

And I got married as a young JW and nope, no sex talk.

Marriage question