what exactly is a couples club?
A place my hubby and I go together to meet new friends! We could get off topic with this one........
Before You Leave The Witnesses, You MUST Make New Friends!!!
by minimus 55 Replies latest jw friends
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Redneckgurl
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minimus
Well, what do you do there....Minimus, the Master Baiter.......
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Redneckgurl
Well, what do you do there....Minimus, the Master Baiter.......
Tisk, tisk, you won't leave this alone?
Well, it's a great place to go where everyone is trying to make new friends and they don't just stay to themselves. This leads to Saturday BBQ's and dinner/movie nights! We like to hang out in the hot tub, too. Just like one big happy family, really. Definately non-judgemental types. Okee?
Back on the subject of friendships: I am sure there are many other ways to find great people to hang out with and share yourselves with in the realm of friendship, but this has worked out for us very well. We've met people in almost every town within a 100 mile radius! (think we are having too much fun? LOL)
Redneckgurl......./
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coffee_black
Great advice minimus... I had a great support system when I was leaving....including a support group locally. I also had my best friend (since the age of 6) who was already out, and whom I had refused to shun when she left because she was more like a sister than just a friend. She never tried to pull me out of the borg...but she was there for me when I was ready.
Coffee
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minimus
Hot tub, huh??......Good 4 u!.....Coffee, a support system is a must!!
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eljefe
Luckily, I found some good friends at work that have helped me along.
Speaking of being dropped like a hot potato, I have only received one social visit in the past year. There is nothing like good JW friends sticking with you through thick and thin. -
jimbob
Hey Minimus..I definitely agree with Teejay...one of your best posts....
You are absolutely correct...if one leaves the dubs without having some sort of social structure already in place, in can be extremely hard. Many JW's stay in the org, not because they think they will be saved...but because it fulfills a social need that every human has. Once one leaves, it leaves a big void socially. So one who is thinking of leaving would do well to make friends outside the org before leaving. I'd almost venture to say it's a necessity. Otherwise, it's too hard to go it alone with all your former so-called "friends" shunning you. Since leaving, we're much more social than we ever were as dubs.
It helped the wife and I that we had good friends at work, as well as we knew some who were already out...(thanks Mulan, Big Red, Princess and Steve and family...you guys have been great to us!) We've also become very close with some of our neighbors...something we never would have have even dreamed of doing while still in the org. Funny thing is...no one is evil like the Watchtower says they are...they're just decent people living and trying to make a difference in life. Sad to think how narrow minded we once were about non-JW's.
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tippysock
Most certainly agree! Alot of my friends I had before studying ( i was never baptised and only studied for 2 years) distanced themselves from me because they thought I was a wack job, but I had a friend who was there the whole time and never gave up on our friendship. When I lost all my newfound "friends" she was there for me, also my "worldly" friends have come around. They never left me, I left them to "please" Jehovah, but just the same, I am now rebuilding old friendships. This website has also been great for self esteem issues. Just knowing that there are other people out there questioning and seeking answers is awesome! Thank you everyone :)
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karategirl
I unfortunately had been a good little dub and never lived a double life. didn't even make friends with the neighbors. of course we lived in an abusive household and so kept to ourselves anyway. right before I was df'd i had moved to a new congregation where there were no youth so didn't have any friends at all around. then i was df'd very abruptly and instantly cut off by my family that was still in. In fact they were the ones that told on me.
Well, made a few worldy friends right off the bat from work and unfortunately because we were young and caught up in a fast life, they stabbed me in the back. Then I met my husband, now ex, and he sucked me in for years. Since I had no support system while married to him and was cut off from my dub family, and my dad's family had always viewed us dub kids as the black sheep of the family (hush hush and don't talk about it, many uncomfortable moments at family reunions), I faired very badly for about 7 years. Very alone and in an abusive marriage.
At a certain point I moved back to Oregon. Had been gone for about ten years. Wound up in Portland. I knew I was home almost instantly. After finding a job and settling in my father visited me(was trying to build a relationship with my dad's family now, still trying). Unknowingly I had moved only two blocks from where my parents lived when I was born. Working at a store where they had shopped and went to the local hangout that they went to and was still there. It was so strange. Within months I had made the best friends that I have had in my whole life. Real people, good people. They helped me through some of the hardest times of my life and still deal with my crazy issues as a result of a life in a cult and an abusive family.
I feel in many ways that my Mother somehow led me here because she knew this is where I needed to be. She died a year before Ieft the organization. She was suffered so much and wanted to rest. Now that she has moved on I like to believe she now knows the truth and is happy to see that four of her five children have made their way out and are on the road to piecing it all back together.
This Christmas will be the first time in 12 years that all five of us will be together at the same time. I have only seen my brother twice in the last 11 years and have yet to see my little sister. The last time I saw her she was six. she is now 17. I cried uncontrollably for an hour after I found out we would all be together.
If you can, definitely form friendships before you leave.
Stephanie
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Markfromcali
For one reason or another. For some social support might be what's needed, a listening ear or whatever, but then that might be distinguished from what would be most succinctly called support in an interest in truth. Since there is the experience of having gone through a lot of falsehood, some might not want to just drop the whole thing and go about life as usual with the typical social interactions for it's own sake - or they may not be able to.
I think this distinction needs to be made just because if you only need to be heard and need support in general, you don't necessarily want to go that deep - which doesn't imply any judgement on that. But for those who just can't turn away and ignore the questions that have been raised they just need a different kind of support. In other words, social support alone will not be satisfying for them. In that case I'd say the best thing is people who are honest, in other words truthful with themselves. Though it may be relatively rare they are out there. Another criteria would be they would be someone that is atleast interested in truth and truthfulness, otherwise the interaction may be alright on the social level, in terms of the honesty in that way, but there isn't the same aim.
And finally, it doesn't mean people need to put themselves in a box and categorize themselves as one or the other - in fact if you don't feel that strongly either way it probably doesn't matter so much. But for those that clearly feel one way or the other, it's just good to know where you're at.