It's happening, the anger and depression are taking over

by Tim Horton 33 Replies latest jw friends

  • missy04

    Dear Mrs. Horton,

    I understand what you are going through in a way, but I am not married and don't even have a boyfriend right now.

    However, over the past few years, my mood has escalated to where I feel very unhappy, depressed and easily hurt . I can say cruel things to my mom and dad and become hurt at the drop of a hat.

    I try my best to be nice to everyone around me, and most of the time that works,'s basically just my mom and dad that I have issues with.

    But that's my depression,..I don't know if you have depression or if this is because of some other reason. I don't completely understand how you feel, but then in a way I do understand. Just different circumstances.

    I'm sorry for what you are going through


  • Will Power
    Will Power

    First off, I love your coffee.

    2nd, I don't really know all the history, but am sorry you are going thru this - I am going thru much the same right now and the words aren't easy to find.

    A few years ago, a dear aunt told me - "you are mourning the death of your marriage" It hit me like a ton of bricks, but made alot of sense. So the 7 stages posted above are all very true, they must be felt & dealt with. I hope for you it has not come this far and that the 2 of you will find a way back together. Maybe the dust needs to settle.

    I would also suggest you see your family physician. These emotions can get the better of you - especially if you spend alot of time thinking about it, as well, not sure how old you are but age can be a factor - hormones etc. and temporary help is available. It is important to take care of yourself.

    Keeping a journal helps but be careful not to keep re-living angers by re-reading. This is a great place to "not feel so alone" and get feelings out.

    So sorry - it sure is the pits.


  • codeblue

    Dear Mrs. Horton:

    NOdenial and I have been gone for the I am just now viewing JWD.

    I am so sorry you are feeling so "low", I can tell you are in an extreme amount of pain and I really do "feel bad for you".

    I think a lot of posters are not responding for the main reason already stated: "They haven't been thru what you are going thru and don't know what to say"....It doesn't mean they don't care. so please don't be offended.

    Both NOdenial and I went thru separation and divorce.

    It is the most painful thing I have ever endured. It is like going thru a death.....that is exactly what it feels like. (I had already lost both my parents and I can honestly say, the divorce was more painful)

    I am glad to hear you are getting counseling..........but if this counselor is not helping, find one that will.

    Please go to the doctor and inform him/her of your emotional health.

    I waited about 6 weeks before I went to the doctor and wished I would have went sooner. It was very embarrassing for me to go and share something so private, that my husband left me and cheated on me repeatedly. I couldn't sleep, eat, and I don't know how I went to work. I became anorexic very fast.

    The meds helped!!!

    I didn't have the money for a counselor.......I wished I would have, because it would have given better coping tools. I didn't live near any of my family..........

    I was still a very active JW, I had a couple sisters and one couple that would let me pour my heart out. One had been thru a divorce and she seemed most helpful.

    Where I worked, there were many women that had went thru a divorce and I found them most helpful.

    If you look in your local paper there could be a divorce support group. I didn't think if that when I went thru my divorce, I notice they have a divorce support group where I live now. That could be of great help for you to.

    As Xandria stated, there are many stages of separation and divorce. You may be angry now, but next week intensely sad....The emotions can keep switching back and forth.

    Please feel free to pm me........I would be very happy to help you if I can.

    Many hugs,


  • AlmostAtheist


    You are a raw nerve right now, everyone here knows that and will give you all the space you need. Scream your head off in here, no one minds and many listen. And as mentioned, many have screamed before you and will understand. Gina and I have been there, we understand.

    You've heard from those that divorced, and those that decided to stick it out. Both are good resources for you.

    Remember how much else you're going through. On top of everything, wouldn't you just have to have construction going on in your house right now! And car trouble! This is the sort of time where you can have trouble opening a chip bag and tear somebody's head off over it.

    So it's important to back away from it for awhile. Give yourself a few months. Let it all wash over you. Whatever Colin says, just let it pass. For awhile. Think of yourself as slogging through a muddy field in a rainstorm. It's so gloomy and awful, you can't allow yourself to think about that college degree you never quite finished, or that kid in high school you should have told off. You've got to focus and just get through the storm. Put one foot in front of the other. Get to the shelter.

    After a few months, the rainstorm will have passed in your life. Then you can more rationally consider the course of the rest of your life. This is not the time to even talk about divorce, you need to get yourself to where you know who you are again, not the you as modified by all the extra stressors in your life.

    When I was 15 I wrote in my diary, "Never make a life-changing decision when you're happy, sad, tired or drunk." Oh how I wish I'd followed my own advice throughout my life...


  • Tim Horton
    Tim Horton

    Hi everyone,
    I went to bed at 9:30 last night. Like a good girl and I am feeling much better. It's amazing how a good nights sleep can do all the world of good. I think thats the phrase. I felt much better this morning when I read all your advice and comments. It's nice to Know that people still care. I know it sounds silly. But right now, I feel like I've lost so much. I really miss my family. I've had 2 very violent relationships in my life and the one that I had seems to be surfacing really bad right now. They call it post traumatic disorder. Something like that. The fighting with Mr. Horton seems to have triggered it. I also feel really angry about the ORG. right now. There's so much pressure from them. It's becoming more apparent to me every day, what a ridiculous religion they really are. Cult really. Their answer for everything is in a book or magazine. When I told my sister that Mr.Horton and I were going to see a councellor she got all upset and said not to trust in Man. Only in Jehovah. She said to read the family life book. Talk to the elders. I can't imagine telling the elders anything about my private life. They wouldn't understand a thing. Besides it's none of their business. I guess I have to agree with Almostatheist, that I can't make any rash decisions as to divorce because I have too many additional stressors right now and it wouldn't be fair to take them out on my husband. The man that I love. Thank you all again. Love and hugs Chris(panther)

  • Tim Horton
    Tim Horton

    I do make a damn fine cup of coffee by the way. Always pirked. Yum yum. Would you like to have a cup?

  • Tim Horton
    Tim Horton

    I'm sorry to hear about your depression. I went through a similar thing when I was younger with my family as well. Do you live at home? It was usually to do with pressures in regards to the truth. I have found that antidepressants definately do help. The problem with me, is they stop working every 2 years or so and then they have to try me on new ones. It's a horribly grueling process. When the meds do finally kick in it's great. It is just replacing the chemicals in your brain after all. I used to be really embarrased about it but now I realize it's just a part of my life like someone with a thyroid condition or someone who needs insulin for diabetes. It's still hard to accept I must admit but I have no choice as do many others. It's amazing how many people have this same condition. It's nice to know that others can relate openly. That takes guts. Thanks I hope you get through your own issues ok. If you ever need to talk I'm always here for you as you have been for me. Love Chris

  • itsallgoodnow

    I'm sorry to hear you're going through a lot right now. Just try to remember to take care of yourself, since so much is going on, you'll need all your strength to just get through it and you don't want to waste too much of it on the anger. Just focus on doing the best you can with your situation. Hope things improve soon!

  • jgnat

    Tim Horton, you have a diagnosed mental illness. When my mom went over the edge, she didn't think anybody was supporting her either. She didn't realize her mind was accellerating far beyond what any person could keep up. Please don't mix all the issues in your life, you have so many. Your marriage is on the rocks, both of you are leaving the society, and your mental illness is taking over right now.

    Take care of one thing at a time.

    Get your mental illness under control. First.

    Second, work on restoring a trust relationship with your husband, so you can offer some sort of stability for him and your daughter.

    Finally, at the last, you can thumb your nose at the society.

  • Nosferatu

    I'll tell you how I dealt with my split up.

    When she told me she was leaving, I had such a flood of emotions. I was sad, confused, angry, depressed, just about everything except happy. I gave myself a week to allow her to come back into my life and fix things up. I took the week off work and bawled my eyes out. I didn't eat much. Anyway, after that week was over, I realized that I needed to move on, and she probably wasn't going to come back. I kept telling myself that it was over, and it just made me cry more. After that week, I began dating someone else. It sorta gave me a sense of moving on, but I still couldn't believe it was happening. I didn't know how to deal with my financial situation, nor my buggered up feelings. During the next month or so, I was very unpredictable with my emotions. Some days I was happy as hell, some I was depressed. She was also making periodic visits to the apartment to get her stuff. It was tough when she was there because it all came flooding back. I knew that the sooner she was out of my life (no matter how much I loved her) the sooner I would be able to get on the road to recovery. And that's exactly what happened. As soon as she was out of my life, I began to heal and recover.

    Here I am 4 years later, and I'm happily married to someone else. My ex tried to come back to me, but I wouldn't allow it. I didn't need to go through the same crap again with her.

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